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PRE-ELECTION MEMO TO THE PRESIDENT / KARL ROVE
To: The President
From: Karl Rove
Deputy White House Chief of staff in charge of
coordinating policies developed by the;
National Security Council
Domestic Policy Council
National Economic Council
Homeland Security Council
November 1, 2006
This is hell week and it's time to stay on message
So don't stray ~ remember your role !
Your the oblivious cheerleader who can't quite figure
out what is happening in Iraq and most Americans
can identify with you ( brilliant, eh what )
Thus, we get the sympathy vote ~ remember, it's hard
work being President ( chuckle )
As a matter of fact, use that line and really sell it ~
( Lean forward, sigh audibly, then wearily and slowly
say " This is a tough job " )
Oh, my God ~ that's a million votes right there !
Now, as to Iraq ~
Stay on message and keep it short ( no more than seven words ) and simple ~ The terrorists win if Democrats take Congress.
Anything longer than that will just confuse our base.
That's the magic of slogans and framing ~ The freedom fighters ( Whoops ~ Terrorists ) are everywhere and that includes those bloggers who are fanning the flames on the very costly attack on forward Camp Falcon in Iraq in early October ~ Big Dick and Rummie definitely want a lid on the casualties and DU radiation exposure til after the election but the word is spreading like wildfire on the blogosphere. Let's hope the mainstream media doesn't get curious ~ that would spoil everything .
If anyone asks you about Camp Falcon claim ignorance ~ you are the perfect foil for those pesky reporters ~
What attack and what DU explosions ~ it's the first I've heard about it ~ then scratch your head and go into your it's a tough job routine ~ it always works ( chuckle )
Paulson has re-activated a secretive support team to prevent a market meltdown before the election ~ which is why the Dow is at new high ground along with the perception of economic health .
( Of course, the roaring bull market this autumn was just a suckers' rally before the inevitable economic storm hits after the election )
Here's our scenario as we roll up to election day;
November 4th ~ The Iraq National Reconciliation Conference.
This is another of our staged benchmarks of progress ( which no one is aware of and it has virtually no importance ) but remember what our friend Kissinger said ~ "It's not a matter of what is true that counts but a matter of what is perceived to be true."
Although it actually means nothing ~ your true believers and base will leap on it as solid progress in Iraq ( chuckle ) Another million votes !
November 5th ~ GUILTY VERDICT IN SADDAM TRIAL
This is your chance to shine, cowboy !
You smoked out the evil Saddam before he could attack us and his neighbors because you knew he would eventually do us harm and you dug him out of his spider cave before that could happen.
Sure, alot of Iraqi's got unneccessarily killed in the process ( but it certainly wasn't that Lancet figure of 665,000 ) and as for those almost 3000 American soldiers who died ( remember, we only count combat deaths so don't reveal the real figure which is closer to 12,000 ) but it was worth this sacrifice and American justice prevailed with this verdict of guilty. ( I know it's a stretch ~ but try really hard to look sincere and caring )
Above all, don't thank all our lawyers who literally stage managed that monkey trial ~ remember, what only counts is the perception of Reality.
( If the public really knew what we've done in Iraq ~ we would all be waterboarded ~ but I digress )
November 6th ~ Press Conference reminding Americans that Iran is a huge threat and we intend to enforce sanctions ~ with or without the U.N.
With the backdrop of the Enterprise Strike Force which is already on station in the Persian Gulf this will be a reminder to those shaky moderates that YOU ARE THE WAR PRESIDENT who will protect America with your ' rod of iron ' .
( ' The divine warrior who will spite and rule the nations with his rod of iron ' ~ Chapter 19, The Apocalypse ~ The far right ' nut cases ' will literally annoint you after making that connection )
Don't forget to mention 9/11 frequently and watch the Democrats sabotage themselves at the last moment ~ Howard Dean is already saying that the Democrats would not do anything that different in Iraq if they win ( shades of Kerry in 2004 when he sold out on the anti-war crowd by saying he would have made the same decision to attack Iraq ~ they are all wimps ! )
Everything is in place, cowboy.
The doomsday twins ( Cheney & Rumsfeld ) are eager to attack Iran but we need a victory on Tuesday to pull it off and keep those Democratic investigation committees off our backs.
We are counting on you but don't panic ~ we do have an ace in the hole ~ The Diebold Connection ~ 38% of the nation's voters will use touchscreens to vote and most of those machines will be in half of the most closely contested house races and, get this, none of them have a paper trail if a recount is required ( and I get paid to have so much fun )
Our last refuge is the big P ( Patriotism ) and Kerry, once again, has given us the opportunity to shift his bashing of you to a bashing of our troops ~ after all YOU ARE THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF so when he bashes you ~ he is bashing the troops ( Even though you were an AWOL reservist who blew off your last year and knew you'd flunk the drug test ~ but that's a secret only a few of us know , thank God )
P.S. Don't forget to shred this after you read it !
Turdblossom
Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his weblog and website allenroland.com He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on Conscious talk radio www.conscioustalk.net
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