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REFLECTIONS ON MY MOTHER
Allen L Roland
My mother died suddenly and unexpectedly 20 years ago
in Connecticut.
She appeared sitting on my bed at that exact moment in
Sonoma, California ~ just as I was
falling asleep.
I could feel her deep love for me and she
whispered ~ Allen, I know
Allen, I know
I fell asleep saying to myself ~ that can't be
my mother.
Two days later ~ I learned of her death
from my brother and I realized that I
had an after-death experience with
my mother.
50% of Americans have had such an after-death
experience with a loved one ~ according
to Gallup .
My mother had read my Unified Field Theory
atleast a month before she died ~
so she must have been telling me that
she now knew what I knew.
love and soul consciousness that exists
not only beyond time and space
but also beneath our deepest fears.
What an incredible act of love from my
mother ~ from beyond death and obviously
in a joyful state of soul consciousness.
When I went back to Boston for my mothers
funeral ~ I decided to share the loving
and joyful moments I experienced with my
mother.
I remember lying outside my mothers door before
I could walk and wondering why my mother
was crying inside ~ and wanting somehow to
help her.
I remember sitting on my mothers lap for a picture
with my twin brother, at four years old, and realizing how extraordinarily beautiful my mother was ~ she looked
like Greta Garbo.
I remember the last time my mother spanked me
with a hairbrush when I was probably seven or
eight years old ~ the hairbrush broke in half
and we both burst into a spontaneous laughter
that literally brought us to our knees.
I remember her playing the piano with myself
standing behind her ~ my hands on her shoulders
while I sang the words of the old standards she
loved to play.
Those were magic moments and, in some ways, we bonded through the music we played and sang together.
About ten years before she died she shared with me a reoccurring dream from childhood ~ which still haunted her. The dream was a young blonde haired little girl running free in a meadow and laughing in delight. I told her that the little girl was herself and the dream represented her deep desire to reconnect with that same childhood state of love, joy and soul consciousness.
She said that it was too late for her ~ but the sad reality was that she was getting too many secondary benefits for being a victim and martyr .
So, obviously my most precious memory of my mother was when
she came to me after she died ~ for it was only then that the
shackles of her victimhood had finally been released ~ it was only then that I could truly feel her profound love for me ~ as well as her joyous need to share with me her new awareness of this state of love, joy and soul consciousness deepest within herself ~
She was finally once again laughing and running
free in that meadow
Allen , I know
Allen, I know ...
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