FRANK'S STORY / A P.T.S.D. SURVIVOR CONQUERS UNWORTHINESS
I have seen men march to the wars, and then I have watched their homeward tread, And they brought back bodies of living men, But their eyes were cold and dead: Edmund Vance Cooke
This upcoming Memorial Day let us pay homage not just to the soldiers who have died for their country ~ but also to the walking dead ~ the victims of Post Traumatic Stress Dysfunction ( P.T.S.D) ~ whose emotionally damaged psyches still carry the heavy burden of killing for their country where quite often those killed were innocent women and children.
There eyes are indeed cold and dead ~ for their maimed souls have sunk into the quicksand of unworthiness. They cannot accept love for they feel they do not deserve love and they continually sabotage their joy for the same reason ~ their hearts have closed and they live in the Gray Zone where no light can penetrate and no one dare enter.
Frank was such a person. He was a Vietnam Vet in his mid 50's and most of his post Vietnam life had been spent running away from love.
It was beginning to effect his health and his daughter Nina pleaded with him to see me. Nina is a former client and graduate of my short term seven session transformation self-healing therapy. ( see Radical Therapy )
Frank consented for part of him longed for another choice versus his loveless Gray Zone.
The following is a brief synopsis of those sessions and Frank's ultimate emergence from his cocoon of unworthiness ~ by fully opening his heart.
Session One - Finding the Child Within Yourself
I explained my role as his 'coach', and demonstrated how you can use childhood pictures to locate the child within yourself who closed their heart and emotionally stopped growing. The intent of this session is to touch the emotionally trapped child within yourself and begin the self-healing process. I accomplish this by sharing my own quest to find my trapped inner child and by utilizing the Cycle of Life to graphically illustrate how and why we separate from who we truly are.
Frank had emotionally separated from himself in Vietnam whereas his deep psychic pain and guilt had overridden his innate innocence and joy and he could not get beyond this well of grief and shame . He found a picture of himself as a young and joyful child and I told him if he did his homework he would reunite with him.
Session Two - understanding Your Life as a Quest with a Lifechart
This session demonstrates how to use the homework from the first session (creating a Lifechart) to retrace the major events and relationships of your life in terms of feelings of joy versus feelings of pain and despair. Special emphasis is put on those relationships that profoundly touched your heart. You quickly begin to see your life as a Quest, rather than a struggle, when it becomes obvious that you have recreated your original childhood predicament with parental figures in your primary relationships in a subconscious attempt to reunite with the emotionally trapped child within.
Frank's lifechart clearly showed that the great love of his post Vietnam life was his daughter Nina and that without her ~ he probably would have committed suicide.
His homework was to share his revealing lifechart with Nina and also his sister ~ who had always been there for him.
I am sure I was the first person who really had the chance to truly see Frank's life quest but by immediately sharing his chart with his daughter and sister he was beginning to let others in and feel compassion for himself.
Session Three - Taking Accountability for Your Life
The preparation work is now over: You have seen your life as a quest to find and embrace yourself through the Lifechart and you are now able to understand the significance of key relationships. This session introduces the crucial victim/accountability exercise. During this exercise, you will feel the heaviness and powerlessness of being a victim, versus the lightness and power of being accountable for the decisions you made that either created or avoided pain with the people you loved.
It is during this session that you begin the journey out of your self-imposed prison of fear. This process is accelerated as you are required to literally contact those people you still carry resentment towards and take total accountability for your own feelings and actions in those relationships, instead of remaining a victim. The result of this exercise is that you can no longer blame someone else for your own deep pain or for the decisions you made from that pain. You are now ready to embrace the sad and alone child within yourself ~ who longs to be free from the self-imposed shackles of victim hood.
This was a tough session for Frank particularly when he had to face his own heavy self hatred issues and forgive himself ~ but in so doing he got the first internal glimpse of the lightness and freedom of accountability. His homework was to take the several people he had resentment issues with off the hook and thank them for being a gift in his life.
Session Four - Connecting with the Child Within Yourself
In this session I demonstrate, once we have taken total accountability for our lives, how we are now in a position to communicate with and listen to the child within ourselves. I utilize a guided visualization to accomplish this step, which includes questions that you ask the child within yourself. I also clearly demonstrate that the most important step in this self-healing process is taking responsibility for love, in that we have probably felt the deepest pain with the people we have loved the most. As such, taking accountability for that love accelerates the self-healing process.
Frank was ready to meet his child during the guided visualization and here are the questions he asked and the answers he received ( in Bold ) ~
1. What do I need to do to fully embrace you in my life ? Let go of all your fears .
2. What is my deepest fear ? Letting go and sharing the truth.
3. Are those fears illusionary ? Yes
4. Can I trust Allen ? 100 %
5. What's my next step ? Surrender
6. Is there joy beneath my pain and guilt ? Yes
7. How important is my work with Allen ? The most important !
8. How do I get out of this situation ? Follow me
9. How much do you love me ? I always have
10. What's the most important advice you can give me right now ? Love me and follow me
Frank was blown away by this session and his homework was to share it with Nina, his ex-wife and another friend.
Frank was beyond the point of no return and on the way to inner validation and guidance.
Session Five - open Your heart; There are no "Buts" or "What Ifs" with Love
I guide you in visualizations that help you realize how many people you have loved and have loved you. Your homework is to contact and thank these people for being gifts in your life - regardless of the risks of this contact. There are no "buts" or "what ifs" as far as completing this assignment. You must begin to realize that you have loved and been loved during your lifetime quest to find yourself. God only reveals himself to a grateful heart!
Frank realized during this exercise that he had been loved by a mulitude of people and had thanked very few of them ~ because of his deep unworthiness issues.
His homework was thank atleast ten before our next session which was two days later.
When you speak from the heart from a place of gratefulness ~ your heart will literally open and you begin to see through different eyes as Frank certainly was beginning to.
The only antidote for unworthiness is gratefulness.
Session Six - The Death Exercise
You are guided in a profound death exercise which helps you to experience the degree to which the people closest to you really know you. The exercise actually simulates your death and your resultant shock of knowing that you did not truly share yourself with the people closest to you. Your homework is to fully open your heart with the people who are closest to you, as if you, or they, were going to die tomorrow.
This was when Frank realized that the only person who really knew him was his beloved daughter, Nina. His homework was to share the person he was with Nina with everyone particularly his best friends.
Session Seven - Many are Called, Few Listen, and Fewer Still Respond.
This session shows that we are continually being called from within on the path of the heart, but few listen and fewer still respond. It is in this session that you begin to fully understand that you have been called to the inner journey of the soul versus the outer journey of the ego. This session ends with an visualization exercise in which you realize that the most precious gift you have always wanted is yourself. This last session is really a celebration, for you now know and have experienced another choice of behavior.
Frank was well beyond the point of no return ~ he now knew and had experienced another way of heartfelt being and he atleast deeply sensed another choice ~ that the biggest gift he could give anyone was the honest and heartfelt expression of himself.
He had emerged from the grey Zone to where the light was everywhere and he didn't have to hide anymore.
Frank died in a tragic motorcycle accident about two years later but not before he had the chance to share the joy and delight of who he really was with his closest friends and many, many others.
Frank would like the fact that I shared his story ~ particularly now that atleast 30% of returning veterans from Iraq suffer from some degree of Post Traumatic Stress Dysfunction ~ which is really Post traumatic heart dysfunction. He would want them to know that they too ~ can emerge from the ashes of unworthiness and see through the heart and far clearer eyes.
Perhaps the day will come when we will stop killing and start loving and cooperating with one another and then we will fully understand these profound words ~ All wars are civil wars, because all men are our brothers.
ONLY LOVE HEALS
Allen L Roland http://blogs.salon.com/0002255/2008/03/31.html
Freelance Online columnist and recognized therapist Allen L Roland is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private (707 ) 933-8636 consultations ( allen@allenroland.com )
Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his weblog and website allenroland.com He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK on www.conscioustalk.net 
