CHRISTMAS ENCORE / 2006 WHITE HOUSE INTERVENTION
2006 Kennedy Award recipients with the Bushs' ( note Laura's red Oscar De La Renta Dress, which has become the subject of some controversy )
Here is the vintage Maureen Dowd Bush Holiday intervention of 2006 which is already a classic in its satirical splendor as well as timeless in its knowing grasp of George W Bush and his fellow White House accomplices: Allen L Roland
Senior administration officials have revealed that shortly after this holiday picture was taken ~ there was a top secret oval office Intervention with George W Bush. It was led by James Baker and included Barbara and George ' Poppy ' Bush Senior, Bob Gates, Brent Scowcroft, Henry Kissinger and a furious Laura Bush.
I was sitting on this story's authenticity in December 2006 but Maureen Dowd broke it in the New York Times ~ so here it is again along with the photo of Laura's famous red dress.
Sometimes satire is the best medicine when White House reality becomes almost unbearable ~ as the torturous and sordid saga of the Bush presidency finally comes to an end.
Allen L Roland http://blogs.salon.com/0002255/2008/12/23.html
The Oval Intervention
By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: December 9, 2006 / N.Y.Times
http://select.nytimes.com/2006/12/09/opinion/09dowd.html?hp
" It is not a happy mood in the Oval Office .......
Poppy is sobbing, his face in his hands, slumped in one of the yellow-and-blue striped chairs. Laura is screaming the words " Oscar de la Renta " and " rendition " into her cellphone, still seeing red after showing up at a White House gala in the same $8,400 red gown as three other women who did not happen to be first lady.
Bob Gates is grim-faced, but not as grim-faced as Barbara, whose look could freeze not only the Potomac but the Tigris and the Euphrates. Scowcroft is over on the couch, trying to nap while Kissinger drones softly in his ear.
And, of course, there is the Deprogrammer for the Decider, James Baker, perfectly suited in bright green tie and suited perfectly for his spot behind the president¹s desk.
The Council of Elders had hoped this Apocalypto moment wouldn¹t be necessary. They had assumed that the scorching Iraq Study Group report would have the same effect on Junior as the bucket of cold water that Mr. Baker¹s strict father, a lawyer known as ' the Warden,' used to throw on his face to wake him up as a boy.
But Junior is trying to wriggle away completely, offering a decidedly cool response to the attempt to yank him into the reality-based community. He rallied his last two allies ~ his English poodle and his Scottish terrier, Blair and Barney.
He is loath to give up his gunslinger pose to go all diplo. He cleaves to the neocon complaint that it is the realists who are now being unrealistic, thinking the administration can bargain with Syria and Iran, or that the Army can train Iraqi security forces (or, as they are known there, death squads) in a matter of months when they haven't been able to do it in years.
The Velvet Hammer is undeterred. He¹s doing an all-out intervention, locking Junior and Barney in the little study next to the Oval. To stress the seriousness of the situation, they don¹t give the president his feather pillow.
The group gathers at the door of the study. "My boy," his dad tells him between sobs. " We love you. We¹re here for you. We¹re worried about you. You¹re not just hurting yourself, you¹re hurting others. This is a safe place. No one's judging you ..."
" What are you talking about, Dad?" Junior snaps. " I just actually read 96 pages of your friends¹ judging me in that cowpie report." Barney woofs in support.
Barbara can be heard muttering from across the room. " We were right about Jebbie."
Henry the K lumbers up to the door and in a low Teutonic rumble says: " It¹s time we stopped taking care of you and started caring about you. Would you like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"
Junior is getting even more furious. "You all think you¹re so realist. But you¹re unrealist. I¹m realist. Are you sitting at my desk, Baker? Get out of there! Everyone says you¹re so Mr. Ride to the Rescue, but none of your surrender monkey ideas would work. Talk about Pretend Land ~ Israel giving up the Golan Heights? Yeah, right. And they call me delusional."
Baker glides up to the door and says, in his most satiny drawl, "Son, I just threw a few D.O.A. ones in there for you to reject so you could preserve your manhood."
There are sounds of feet stomping. "You say I can¹t stay the course but I can too stay the course!"Junior yells. " I can! I can! I can! I can! You say I have to put the two trillion dollar war cost in the budget, but I don't! You say we have to cuddle up to evildoers in Iran and Syria. Why do you hate the troops?
Where¹s Condi? I want my Condi! "
Realizing the president is getting hysterical, the group looks at Laura, hoping she can calm him down.
She approaches the door and coos in a soft voice: " Bushie? Listen, now, this is important. How do you get someone audited? Can¹t we send Oscar de la Loser to Gitmo?"
Baker gently nudges Laura aside. " Now son, hear me out. We¹ve disabled your enablers. Rummy has written his last self-serving memo. Dick¹s got his hands full explaining his darlin' new grandchild's Two Mommies. Don¹t bother calling for Condi. She¹s at the bottom of Foggy Bottom. You¹ve got to know when to hold ¹em, know when to fold 'em."
It's not sinking in. " We must achieve our objective,"Junior sputters. "Our objective is success. To succeed we must have success. If we don¹t win, we lose. We are the winners. We can¹t let the ... we¹re in an ideological struggle and that's why we have a strategy ... AL QAEDA! We must help democracy in Iraq succeed because ... ISLAMOFASCISTS! ... that is the objective of a successful ..."
Barney scratches at the door, trying to cut and run. "
But now it's too late ~ the damage has been done and it's almost irreparable.
Allen L Roland http://blogs.salon.com/0002255/2008/12/23.html
Freelance Online columnist and psychotherapist Allen L Roland is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private consultations ( allen@allenroland.com )
Allen L Roland is a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his weblog and website allenroland.com He also guest hosts a monthly national radio show TRUTHTALK
