Saturday, November 08, 2003

THE HOLY BIBLE IN POLARI   Like the late Joan Kroc, I am an inveterate listener to NPR—as a matter of fact I’ve been a Public Radio junkie since 1980.  This morning, on Saturday Edition, Scott Simon interviewed Paul Baker, a professor of linguistics at Lancaster University in England and the author of  Fantabulosa: A Dictionary of Polari and Gay Slang.  What is Polari?  It is “a mixture of French, Italian, Cockney and a whole host of other languages - was once used as an argot in the UK gay community, and has an interesting history in its own right. Since the decriminalization of homosexuality some years ago it is no longer used as a means of concealing meaning from outsiders. It is, instead, used for its tremendous camp value.”   The most delightful part of the interview came when Baker mentioned that the Bible had been translated into Polari by the UK chapter of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.  As Sister Matic deBauchery, SPI Manchester, explains:    The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence are an international order of gay and lesbian nuns and monks. The UK sisters have always used polari in their ceremonies (and for that matter in everyday use). It is, in fact, quite surprising how much polari has entered mainstream gay language (for example chicken or naff), and in recent years there has been a resurgence in interest in the language, similar to that in gaelic - although Polari is arguably a living language. Work on the original King James Bible began early in the 17th century, and it has become a watchword for the majesty and power of its language. Vulgarising it by translating it in to Polari would be an act of cultural vandalism akin to translation in to Scots. But good taste has never yet fettered the Sisters' activities, so we did it anyway. Besides a phrase like Rom 6:23 - For the parkering ninty of kertever is death - has a beauty and majesty all of its very own. The translation grew from a chance conversation between Sr. Matic deBauchery and Sr. Martini Bianca on Polari and musing about the fact that it should be possible to translate from common English to Polari "using steam" (it should be noted that some of the older sisters have only a tenuous grasp on new technology and personal hygiene). As the sherry flowed, the idea began to take shape, and a desire expressed that such a "steam polyglot" also be connected to the "electric telegraph". The requirements were then written on the back of an envelope and sent to a group of research nuns based at the Polari Research Endeavour (PRE) at the City University Manchester (CUM) - formerly the Longsight Academy for Wayward Girls. There a group of crack (addled) polari linguists and computer scientists studied the problem. The solution to which they came was a relatively simple one, involving using a scripting language called perl although this apparently has nothing to do with neckalces. Essentially, the bible was divided in to its component books, and each of these read in verse by verse and run through a filter written in perl which performed a number of transformations and substitutions on the text based on a set of rules. There are currently a little over 600 rules, so given the 31,000 verses in the bible this requires a total of something like 19,000,000 transformations. Another perl script then formated the polari in to HTML. This two stage approach has the advantage that tools like diff can be used to check what the translator hath wrought and also the polari files can be easily converted to other formats like troff,PDF or postscript. The difficult bit in all this (other than learning perl!) was defining all the rules of translation and "tuning" them to make the more popular bits of the bible even funnier than they are in the original language. Sr. Matic deBauchery   Here is the first chapter of Genesis in Polari:   In the beginning Gloria created the heaven and the earth. 2 And the earth was nanti form, and void; and munge was upon the eke of the deep. And the nanti lucoddy of Gloria trolled upon the eke of the aquas. 3 And Gloria cackled, Let there be sparkle: and there was sparkle. 4 And Gloria vardad the sparkle, that it was bona: and Gloria divided the sparkle from the munge. 5 And Gloria screeched the sparkle Day, and the munge he screeched nochy. And the bijou nochy and the morning were the una day. 6 And Gloria cackled, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the aquas, and let it divide the aquas from the aquas. 7 And Gloria made the firmament, and divided the aquas which were under the firmament from the aquas which were above the firmament: and it was so. 8 And Gloria screeched the firmament Heaven. And the bijou nochy and the morning were the dewey day. 9 And Gloria cackled, Let the aquas under the heaven be gathered together unto una place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. 10 And Gloria screeched the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the aquas screeched he Seas: and Gloria vardad that it was bona. 11 And Gloria cackled, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding maria, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose maria is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. 12 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding maria after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose maria was in itself, after his kind: and Gloria vardad that it was bona. 13 And the bijou nochy and the morning were the trey day. 14 And Gloria cackled, Let there be sparkles in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the nochy; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years: 15 And let them be for sparkles in the firmament of the heaven to parker sparkle upon the earth: and it was so. 16 And Gloria made dewey dowry sparkles; the dowrier sparkle to rule the day, and the nanti dowrier sparkle to rule the nochy: he made the twinkling fakements also. 17 And Gloria set them in the firmament of the heaven to parker sparkle upon the earth, 18 And to rule over the day and over the nochy, and to divide the sparkle from the munge: and Gloria vardad that it was bona. 19 And the bijou nochy and the morning were the quarter day. 20 And Gloria cackled, Let the aquas bring forth dowrily the trolling fakement that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. 21 And Gloria created dowry whales, and every living fakement that trolleth, which the aquas brought forth dowrily, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and Gloria vardad that it was bona. 22 And Gloria fabed them, cackling, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the aquas in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. 23 And the bijou nochy and the morning were the chinker day. 24 And Gloria cackled, Let the earth bring forth the living fakement after his kind, cattle, and mincing fakement, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so. 25 And Gloria made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every fakement that minceth upon the earth after his kind: and Gloria vardad that it was bona. 26 And Gloria cackled, Let us make homie in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every mincing fakement that minceth upon the earth. 27 So Gloria created homie in his own image, in the image of Gloria created he him; homie and palone created he them. 28 And Gloria fabed them, and Gloria cackled unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living fakement that trolleth upon the earth. 29 And Gloria cackled, varda, I have given you every herb bearing maria, which is upon the eke of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding maria; to you it shall be for carnish. 30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every fakement that minceth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for carnish: and it was so. 31 And Gloria vardad every fakement that he had made, and, varda, it was very bona. And the bijou nochy and the morning were the seyth day.   11:23:07 PM    comment []

INFERNO TEST RESULTS UPDATE Dave Pollard becomes the sixth citizen of the City of Dis, the sixth soul damned as a heretic to the sixth circle, and the 24th soul collected. All the best people go to Hell. Take Dante's Inferno Test, and find out which circle of Hell has your reservation. 6:57:02 PM    comment []