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DR. OMED’S LATE NITE SERMONETTE:
BIBLICALLY INERRANT MARRIAGE
Those oppose gay marriage keep on saying that “marriage is, and can only be, between one man and one woman—it’s always been that way; that is our tradition.” This mantra is repeated again and again.
But Dr. Omed asks: what tradition would that be—surely not our vaunted Judeo-Christian tradition? I don’t think so. One does wonder if these people ever really read the Bibles they keep shaking in our faces.
Even casual study of the Old Testament makes it clear that the Lord God Himself defines marriage NOT as a union between one man and one woman, BUT as a union between one man, and one or more women, not counting concubines, slaves, and women taken as booty in war. Let me cite a few passages:
In Genesis 29, Jacob marries two sisters, Leah and Rachel, each of whom come with their own slave girl as part of the dowry.
2 Samuel 5:13 can also be cited: “(King) David took other concubines and wives in Jerusalem.” The genealogy at the beginning of the Gospel of Matthew, that traces Jesus’ ancestry back to Abraham, states: “David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah’s wife.” In other words, Solomon’s mother was the wife of a fallen enemy taken as booty and used by David as his concubine. Jesus has a concubine in his family tree. See also I Kings 11:3; Chronicles 11:21
By the way, in Deuteronomy 21:10-14 God sets out some rules on dealing with women taken in war.
St. Paul, the true founder of Christianity, was pretty iffy about marriage altogether. Paul thought that true believers should be, well, spiritual eunuchs*. Marriage was a bit better than fornication, but you should only get married if you couldn’t keep it in your pants (or toga)—“better to marry than to burn” he says in 1 Corinthians 7. If you were already married, you should stay married, chastely if possible, but as far as Paul was concerned, marriage was for second string Christians.
*And don’t forget, Jesus said, “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.” Matthew 19:12
If you wholeheartedly embrace the traditional, patriarchal, bronze age family values of the Old Testament, you have to admit that Brigham Young got it right, folks. Guys, if you haven’t been out raping, pillaging, and collecting a harem, lately, why not give it a try—think of it as Xtreme Promise Keeping.
If you’re one of Christ’s own eunuchs—God can see that copy of Brides magazine you’ve got hidden in the drawer under the hairshirts. Dreaming of wedding bells? FOR SHAME!
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