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A guy comes up to you on the street and says, “I’m God. Got a quarter? I want to show you a miracle.” A person of faith, who watches “Joan of Arcadia” on a regular basis, Mr. or Ms. Average Joe, will cough up the quarter immediately, yes Lord, I believe in miracles. An Average Joe of a more skeptical bent will think to himself, “I don’t believe in miracles, but it’s worth a quarter to find out what this ‘God’ person is up to.” The complete skeptic doesn’t have any spare change and wouldn’t give God or any other homeless person a quarter if he had one. Skeptic Joe says, “Beat it, I don’t give money to panhandlers—get a job.” But to this Joe God says, “You sure you haven’t got a quarter?” The complete skeptic instantly feels something cold against his thigh, reaches into his pocket and pulls out a quarter, cold as ice, so cold in fact that before he can help himself he drops it into God’s outstretched hand. “Bless you,” says God.
So, God’s got the quarter. He closes his fist on it, makes a pass over it with his other hand, opens has fist, and of course the quarter is gone.. God reaches out and plucks the quarter from behind the ear of Average Joe, believer, agnostic, or skeptic. Even Faithful Joe thinks, “Hey, even my Uncle Joe could do that.” The Skeptic probably says it out loud. In answer to this thought, spoken or unspoken, God flips the coin into the air and says, “Call it!” Faithful Joe calls “Heads!” Agnostic Joe could go either way. Skeptic Joe calls “Tails.” God catches the quarter on the back of his hand. It comes up heads. God turns the coin over; that side also shows heads. Faithful Joe says, “Praise the Lord!” Agnostic Joe says, “That’s a neat trick, but you don’t have to be God to do it, just a good magician.” Skeptic Joe says, “Where’s my quarter? You switched ‘em.”
God holds up one hand, then flips the quarter again with the other: “Call it!” All three Joe, thinking they know the way of it now, sing out “Tails!” God puts out his hand to catch the quarter and the coin passes right through his open palm and hits the ground, spinning. “Oops, that’s another gag,” says God. The quarter begins to wobble in its gyrations and finally falls over. The side showing is blank. At this point, each Joe is pretty much speechless. Faithful Joe is already on his knees. Agnostic Joe is scratching his head, thinking, “Did I see what I think I saw? If that was a trick, it was indistinguishable from magic. Real magic.” Skeptic Joe is thinking, “Where is the Amazing Randi or Daniel Dennett when I need them?” God leans over and picks up the quarter between his thumb and forefinger. It is blank on both sides, except for the raised, incised border. “Here.” God puts the quarter in Joe’s hand. “See for yourself.”
While the Joes are looking down, fingering the blank coin, God says, “What have you got there?” reaches behind Joe’s other ear and plucks yet another quarter from thin air. This one, as God demonstrates, has a profile of George Washington on one side, and a spread eagle, so to speak, on the other. It is a perfectly normal quarter except for the fact that is it bright blue. God flips this quarter high, high into what is for the purposes of this parable a cloudless blue sky. It goes so high that each Joe, craning his neck and shading his eyes, loses sight of it. “Got another quarter?” Joe looks down at the sound of the God’s voice. God is nowhere in sight. The blank quarter that was in his hand is gone. The blue quarter that God tossed into the air never comes back down, though each Joe waits a long time, listening for a clink.
The Skeptic Joe decides he must have been drugged, hypnotized, or both. Agnostic Joe goes to the nearest bar and has a scotch; no water, no ice—make it a double. Faithful Joe, being an entrepreneurial sort as well as a strong believer, writes a book and tours with a seminar called “My Blue Quarter: If Your Spare Change Can Get To Heaven, So Can You.”
So, pilgrims and seekers, time for the rhetorical question: Is there some point to this parable?
Yes, yes of course. The moral of the story is the no one knows heads from tails when it comes to God; and no, you’ll never get that quarter back. |
