Chuck just brought 'em down from the Mountain. As the bumpersticker on my car says, last time somebody listened to a burning bush the people were lost in the desert for forty years. Amoral moralists are running rampant, and they're running the country. Oppose them by making your own rules with wit and spirit. They've got the Bible, we've got a sense of humor. Remember, morals are what people acquire when they lack the mental, emotional, and spiritual capital to afford an imagination. Give Dr. Omed your top ten ethical and/or aesthetic directives. For the cause.
The Ten Commandments of Case Wagenvoord
1. Do something with God.
2. Don't kill.
3. Don't steal.
4. Don't lie.
5. Don't exploit.
6. Use it up, wear it out, make do, do without.
7. Honor the family as a unit of love. (Its makeup is optional.)
8. Speak out against the culture of death wherever it may appear (The culture of death is any culture that promulgates policies which place a higher priority on economic and strategic considerations than on human life and well being.)
9. Honor diversity.
10. Celebrate life.
The Ten Commandments of Mark Boyd
1. Slow down.
2. Pay attention.
3. Don’t “believe” anything, but trust your intuition.
4. Don’t take things personally.
5. Play nice.
6. Determine your own definitions.
7. Make art for the love of doing it, and do it all the time.
8. Be compassionate, you never really know what other people are dealing with.
9. Bring your own party.
10. Do it yourself.
The Ten Commandments of Dick Jones
1. Thou shalt shut thy gob when politely asked, and not drone on endlessly.
2. Thou shalt not use circular arguments, such as "God exists, because the Bible sayeth so, and the Bible is True because it is God's Word."
3. Thou shalt notice when thy audience is bored rigid. See Commandment 1.
4. Thou shalt not use a cop-out such as "God worketh in mysterious ways" when backed into a corner by thine own twisted logic.
5. Thou shalt use thine own imagination, and not just quote from the Bible all the time.
6. Thou shalt not tell atheists what they believe, nor that thy God loveth them.
7. Thou shalt not get upset by jokes about thy God. He is big enough and old enough to looketh after himself.
8. Thou shalt not define how thy God worketh. Thou canst not know.
9. Thou shalt not state that the Bible is consistent and hath no contradictions. Thou wouldst be a fool to doeth so.
10. Thou shalt not say Grace without also thanking the farmers, truck-drivers and shopkeepers that actually did the work required to get your food to the table.
Note: We still await Ms. Candide's Eleven Commandments.
