Wednesday, January 11, 2006

DR. OMED’S LATE NITE SERMONETTE In these latter days of the American Republic, it has become obligatory for all national politicians to end their speeches with some variation of the phrase “God Bless America.”   As a patriotic true blue citizen of these United States—never mind that I’m an atheist—tonight I feel like chiming in:   God bless America.   It gives me a lift, a little effervescent lightness, to say something so theologically and morally idiotic. I’d call it a guilty pleasure, but I don’t feel guilty since I “suffer” from guilt deficiency. I'll say it again:   God bless America.   God bless America because we are on his team. God bless America because the Bible tells us so. God bless America because we like our Pilgrim’s Pride chicken-fried. God bless America because we made up our flag and now we have to lie in it.   God bless America because we are straight shooters who speak with forked tongues. God bless America because we as a people fake it until we make it. God bless America because we will wait until it’s too late, and then try to pull a winner out of our asses. One for the gipper.   God bless America the beautiful war machine that spares no expense to see death and destruction spewed out as elegantly as supermodels striding the runway in the latest mode of fashion. God bless America at the drive-thru of the Shock-and-Awe ordering kill boxes to go, with extra crispy corpses.   God bless everyone who had to die because they weren’t on our team.   God bless the Marines, especially the dead ones. God bless John Wayne, who played a Marine in the movies God bless John Wayne Gacy, who claimed to be a Marine God bless the young Marine in the noose just another rope trick to John Wayne Gacy.   God bless America because we never get tired of the same old rope trick. God bless America because it’s all about dicks. God bless America because some of us are so stupid we take snapshots when we commit war crimes. God bless America because some of us are so arrogant we brag about it in our email when we commit a particularly juicy act of fraud or bribery. God bless America because we have a government of Republicans, not of laws.   God bless America—What is the law?—Are we not men?   God bless America, and that’ll do to go on.   BACK TO THE HOUSE OF PAIN 11:15:59 PM    comment []