Wed, 18 Jul 2007 03:02:09 GMT

AP Poll: 'None of the above' leads Republican field

2007-07-17 18:03:26

WASHINGTON (AP) - And the leading Republican U.S. presidential candidate is ... none of the above.

The headline says it all, folks. 23 percent of Republicans in the latest AP/IPSOS Poll prefer NONE OF THE ABOVE over all the declared candidates of the GOP. Rudy 'Judy' Giuliani, Fred 'TV' Thompson, John 'Capt. Queeg' McCain, Mitt 'Headroom' Romney, they all take a back seat to...NONE OF THE ABOVE! A candidate we can all embrace, no matter how unlike minded we are on the issues. None of the Above has no issues, and takes issue with none, always in agreement in the midst of disagreement. None of the Above promises nothing to nobody...and delivers.

None of the Above's past can't be mined for scandal and embarassing flip-flops, because None of the Above has no past and doesn't wear thongs. Give it up, swift boaters--Trying to pin something on None of the Above is like playing pin the tail on the donkey--with no ass. None of the Above represents the faceless and silent majority of Republicans who would just rather not think about the past six and a half years. As a matter of fact, None of the Above has no face and no comment, and therefore requires no expensive make-up artist, hairdresser, or speechwriters. None of the Above has no need for expensive consultants, requires no bales of money for pol-ops and dirty tricks, doesn't have to hang even one chad; all that None of the Above needs is for you the distressed and dissatisfied Republican voter to write in None of the Above on every ballot you cast.

Listen to the dog whistles, the creatures of the right, ah, what music they make... Tired of barking every time a tighty righty purses his lips and blows? Whistle for None of the Above and you will ride with the wind. The whistle stops here, that's None of the Above's motto. None of the Above needs no bus or private jet on loan from your friendly corporate overlord; None of the Above is everywhere and nowhere...wherever you go in these United States, None of the Above is already there.

Just think how much safer the world would be if None of the Above were president.

Dr. Omed: NONE OF THE ABOVE FOR PRESIDENT