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from the Dead Letter Office, Dept. of Lost and Found Souls
Dear Jonah,
The Dromedary Syndicate informs us that Dana Pattillo has contacted you via email, and we would like to correct a misapprehension.
Actually, your friend emigrated to Guatemala some time ago, and has joined the Compadres de los Burritos de Estrella Errant, otherwise known as the Comrades of the Wandering Star Burritos. However, Dana (now known as Brother Desilu) has not completed initiation and purification procedures, and as his docent, I must apologize for any unauthorized communication with you, an old friend. Brother Desilu is living in seclusion in our hermitage in Guatemala and anyone you meet in the states claiming to be Mr. Pattillo is of course an imposter.
You may be in some confusion, and possibly in some danger, as well. As I said, anyone claiming to be Dana Pattillo in Oklahoma is an impostor, and possibly a human/alien hybrid. Several of the Compadres have found such doppelgangers had replaced them in their former walk of life on visits home to the States. These symbiotic replicants are unstable, unpredictable, and prone to sudden violence. Inform the Dromedary Syndicate if you think that one is on the loose. Perhaps a Nike of the Syndicate can terminate it. Let me assure you that the former, but real, Mr. Pattillo, now Brother Desilu, resides at our main soul depot in Teguezegalpa, Guatemala, and has living among the brethren for quite some time. In the meantime, I advise you to exercise extreme caution when in the presence of any entity claiming to be your friend.
Let me take this opportunity, though, to ask you for your support in our effort to redeem the eternal being of your friend Dana, I'm sure you appreciate the work, and the expense, involved. A check in any amount 100 dollars(US) or above entitles you to a certificate, suitable for framing, creating you an Angel of the Order of the Celestial Sombrero. We also accept all major credit cards, stock certificates (NYSE), US Treasury Bonds, and unemcumbered real estate deeds.
Wishing you and yours a good beam out,
Taco Tinkle,
Celestial Nagivator of the Wandering Star Burritos
P.S. Spock Lives!
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