Things that Piss Me Off
by Andrew "Slots" Rooney
Staff Writer and Disenchanted Youth
I’m sick of hearing about a playing card whenever one of the bad guys gets captured. If they’re gonna be that cheesy, they may as well give superhero names to the good guys. “Secretary Rumsfeld, also known as Magneto, announced today…”
Women whose thongs are sticking out. If a woman wants to drop her drawers in front of me, she should finish the job. Know what I'm sayin'?
“Army of One”. Am I really supposed to believe that I can join the Army as a means of expressing myself? What kind of chump do they think I am?
People who don’t think that evolution should be taught in school, especially if that person is named George and looks like CURIOUS George. I mean really, if you look like the Missing Link yourself you should not be feeling doubts about this matter.
While we’re talking about George, when can we stop pretending that he is less corrupt than Clinton? I know he’s supposed to be fighting the evildoers and all, but this is just about being sleazy.
Where does Bill O’Reilly get off acting like such a badass? If he’s such a tough guy, he should call up the Slotman so we can throw down. He knows how to find me. Same thing with Hannity. These guys all think they’re Dirty Harry.
Democrats need to come up with some programs for people who haven’t retired yet. Medicare, Social Security, prescription drugs. How about help paying for college? Money to detail my ride? SOMETHING. Jeez. If they keep this up, they’re won’t be any Democrats left with bladder control.
I hate to sound like my grandpa, but I gotta say it: Chicks who are too young to drive should not dress like skanks. Where is this gonna end? Is Oscar the Grouch going to have a "Show Me Your Tits" sign on his garbage can?
Old rock songs that are misused in commercials. The song goes, “American Woman. Stay away from me.” Stay… away… from… me. Would a diagram be helpful?
The Guess Who <---------------------------------> America
Large distance
How about “I don’t need your war machines?” They’re Canadian. They’re mad at America. It’s not a flag waving anthem. Another one: Led Zeppelin meets Cadillac. One final nail in the coffin of Boomer counterculture.
That’s all. Gotta jet. That reminds me of another thing I don’t like. Women who won’t have sex with me. What’s up with that?
10:02:39 PM 
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