Why I'm afraid I'll be a Bad Mother:  Part 1

On Friday, the day after we put Savannah to sleep, it's mid morning and I'm going into work.  We didn't really sleep well the night before and Dave and I are both still a little raw from the whole ordeal.  Dave has already left for work and I'm getting ready to leave.  I didn't have time to walk Patches before work, so I decide to go out in the backyard and play with him.

He comes running out of the house proudly carrying a cat toy that he has just snatched off the floor.  I can't chase him because then he'll think it's a game.  So I head towards some of his outdoor toys to distract him into dropping the cat toy. He then notices the flock of birds in the back of the yard and tears off after them.  Good, I think, he'll drop the cat toy as he yaps at the birds.

He runs into the thick of flying birds and gets lucky.  He turns around with one of them in his mouth.  It is still flapping around.  I am disgugsted and, to be honest, a bit afraid.  For some reason, I don't mind when the cats catch animals (confession:  all they've ever caught were roaches and spiders), but it really freaks me out to see the dog with a bird in his mouth. So here is why I won't win dog-mom of the year.

"Patches.  Drop it.  Drop it.  Leave it.  Leave it.  Patches.  Drop it.  DROP IT. DROP IT. LEAVE IT. DROP IT YOU GODDAMNED DOG.  DROP IT. DROP IT.  LEAVE IT. YOU EVIL LITTLE DOG.  DROP IT.  DROP IT. GODDAMMITDOGDROPIT."

At this point, I realize that a neighbor is about 15 feet away from the whole drama queen devil dog act.  I totally change voices into my flirty Valley girl voice (as opposed to the screaching evil bitch voice), and I say "I think he killed a bird! That's really gross!"  I'm fooling no one.  It's clear to my neighbor that I am going to be a bad mom. 

Patches is still running around the yard very proud of himself.  The bird has stopped flapping.  He goes behind a tree, drops it, and then becomes very confused and a bit weebed out when it just lies there.  Somehow I distract him and go stand over the bird.  He goes to the other side of the tree and now is very sure we are playing the chase-me keep away game. I get as low to the ground as I can and calmly talk Patches over to me.  He's a bit wary (he knows he did something wrong).  I gently lead him back to the house and dispose of the bird. I am very humbled and feeling like a very bad potential mom. 

3:01:38 PM