No Control

Here's something weird I figured out about my reactions to being pregnant:  it's all happening without me having to do anything.  I'm so used to having to work for big events.  I train 6 months for a marathon.  I diet/eat healthy to weigh what I want to weigh.  I have to work my ass off to write a paper.  And here I am, creating a baby and I haven't told my body what it ought to be doing.  I understood that this was going on in me when I was trying to figure out why being able to breastfeed was worrying me so much.  How will my boobs know what to do and when to do it????

That loud laughing you hear in the background comes from my good friends and family who are fully aware that I like to perceive control over my environment.  (I say percieve control because I understand that we can't really control doodly squat)  It just amazes me that my body is doing all these things and I haven't had to make a list to tell it what to do and when to do it.  YES, I know that's weird!  And yes, I worry for the poor child, too.  But Dave (man with no lists) can live with me and even professes to love me, so I'm hoping it will work out. 

It's just all truly strange and bizarre that at my age, I'm running a maternal marathon with nearly 30 years of only monthly training.  And that monthly training was often controlled by chemicals and never had to "go the distance" so to speak.  That is just the weirdest frickin' thing.  I can't help but be stunned that we are going to have a child.  Good lord, I'm going to be a mother.  What the HELL am I going do with that? 

7:57:51 AM