Crappy crap, crap crap crap

That phrase was going through my head continuously yesterday.  My hives have not really retreated, and I’ve upped my use of hydrocortisone on them.  They’ve spread from my cleavage to the sides of my neck, like Frankenstein’s bolts, keeping my head from spinning off my body. 

The twitch in my eye did not go away.  It just took a break for a few days.  It’s not very noticeable (I’ve looked in the mirror during an attack, and you really can’t see it)  But as soon as I start talking or even thinking about a stressful topic, twitch, twitch, twitch goes the middle of my upper left eyelid.  (At least, I hope no one sees it, just like I hope they don’t notice the discolored bumps on my neck and chest)

There’s just So. Much. To. Do.  Add to that a professor’s insecurities, and it’s a lovely mix around the beginning of the semester. 

Mom-ME

I thought yesterday about (as we call her) Carolina Karen’s comment yesterday that parental self-absorption peaks when the kids are young.  Although she is an active and engaged parent, she has much more to talk about than her parenting dilemmas. 

I agree, and I think I know why, at least for myself.  Having someone so completely and utterly dependent on me is weird.  He needs me to go to sleep, to get dressed, to bathe, to make sure he’s entertained, to make sure he is being well taken care of when I’m not around;  he is literally sucking the life right out of me.  My own sense of self now overlaps with another’s sense of self.  “Me” overlaps my baby.  (As an aside, in the U.S. and other western cultures, when people are asked to draw circles representing themselves and their families, they usually draw separate circles which may touch.  In other cultures, these circles overlap substantially.)   

So while I have someone whose very existence is so linked to my own, how can I not focus on this critter and my relationship?  If that’s what Hochman means by parental self-absorption, then guilty as charged.  I still gather that his take is more that parents (and mothers in particular) who blog are too focused on the Me and not the Mom.

I’ll stop talking about it.  At least for today. 

I need to focus on class, papers, and going to the dentist.  (scratchy, scratch, scratch, twitch, twitch)

7:52:14 AM