Moooooooo

I left the bottles for my Pump in Style! breastpump at home today.  I figured I could just wait and pump when I returned home.  I knew that I’d be, ahem, full, but I also figured I wouldn't completely ruin my milk supply.  I even thought about leaving work early, but I had a 2:00 meeting that was very important. 

My boobs started hardening into rocks an hour after I missed my 10 am pumping.  By 12:30 I was making my best girlfriend at work poke my rock hard boobs to see just how weird breastfeedings boobs are. 

By 1:30, I was in pain.  I considered bailing from the meeting, but one of our staff assistants suggested “hand expressing.”  “Takes too long,” I countered.  However, I was beginning to worry that just discussing milk while my boobs were that full could induce some serious leakage, but I just couldn’t imagine hand expressing at work.  (Although the thought of someone walking in on my doing that is pretty funny:  “AHHHH!  What are you DOING!?  THE PAIN!  THE PAIN!! I’M BLINDED!”)

But then I realized it was going to be at least 2 hours before I could get home, and that my boobs might actually explode by then.  Or, realistically, I would develop a spreading dark stain on my fuchsia colored sweater during the meeting.  So I did what had to be done.

I milked myself.  In my office.  Into a baggie.  I got 3 ½ ounces out before I had to leave for the meeting.  And I will tell you right now that leaning over a baggie squirting milk out your own boob is about as close as any woman can get to being a cow.  Or a goat.  Or a ewe. Or any other lactating mammal that is not human.

I did end up leaving work two hours early so I could get home and pump.  I added 8 more ounces to the 3 and a half I’d already pumped.  In total, that means I almost made up the amount I would have pumped had I actually gotten three sessions in.   

In other bizarre developments, I’m sitting here with a stuffed monkey in my shirt trying to make a lovey.  More on that later.  

4:58:51 PM