Decision Strategies

Dave and I have very complimentary decision styles; unfortunately, that’s just a nice way of saying that they aren’t the same and we usually irritate each other in how we arrive at a big family decision.  Or even a small one, like one of our first big fights which involved what color to stain the deck. 

My style is/was to examine all the colors, take tons of paint/stain chips to the deck, worry over which one was going to look the best over a period of time, show Dave the options I had been considering, discuss the pros and cons of each color and then make a final decision upon the color to stain the deck.  Of course, when we actually went to pick out the stain, SOMEONE who shall remain nameless but is NOT the author of this blog, denied any knowledge of said chosen stain, chose something completely different, and basically caused my head to spin off of my body in the middle of the Eastway Paints store.  (And since this is my blog, I choose to present myself as the rational well-thought out one and to present my partner in, well, another light.  Even if that’s not how my partner would interpret a general conversation on deck stains as The Final Decision on What We Are Going to DO.)

So we can interpret that incident as an indication that I agonize over making a decision, and then once I do, that’s what I’m doing whereas my unnamed and therefore anonymous partner has no problem whatsoever making decisions and can make tons of them daily which are allowed to change daily based on the current circumstances.  As I tell my students when we discuss personality differences in groups and teams, these complimentary styles are great for the overall functioning of the team (you have one person focusing on long range goals and another able to deal with the unexpected circumstances that arise in the process), but it’s still annoying as hell to the individual team members. 

So, I can share with you that part of my insomnia in the last few weeks has been due to some Big Life Decisions that Dave and I have been contemplating:  remodeling the house, working towards tenure, having another baby.  I’ve been working on one long range plan (wait another 8-10 months before trying for the second baby, wait until I get tenure to remodel the house, working my ass off for tenure and worrying oh-my-god will I get it?) and then Dave and I started talking. 

We’re not getting any younger and although it’s just one year, having a second baby at ages 41/45 seems a lot different than having a baby at ages 42/46.  And knowing the secondary infertility could be problem, we might not want to wait until we’re approaching world records on maternal age to give Conor sibling.  And as for tenure, I’m going to do my best.  That’s all I can do.  And if my best isn’t good enough for here, then I really shouldn’t get tenure.  The more I worry about it, the more I spin my wheels.  I just need to keep moving on this process.  I can’t keep worrying about it.  And, looking at timing at this point, I go up for tenure the fall of 2007.  I’ll know by December 2007 whether I have support from my department and by Spring 2008, I’ll know whether I have tenure or not.  The scoop is that I’ll still have one more year on my contract, so even if I don’t get tenure, we won’t have to move until Summer 2009.  (If I have another child and take another year off the tenure clock, everything would start in Fall 2008 and end, if bad news, in Summer 2010).  If we start the home remodel now, that will be at worst 4 to 5 years to recoup the investments versus the 50 years we’re hoping to have in this house. 

So that is the scoop.  We’re going to aim for a baby next summer, just as the first monkey is turning two.  (YIKES!  But really, wouldn’t it be cool to have the sibs be a senior and a sophomore in high school versus a senior and a freshman?)  We’re going to see if we can afford the remodel on this house.  (And BTW, we totally could without any thought at all if *I* didn’t have my stupid humongous students loans from graduate school.  I continue to have fantasies that Bill Gates will pay off my loans with one week’s interest from his investments.  Bill, are you reading this??? Are you out there???  Drop an email and I’ll send you the account number and the address on where to send the check)  I’ve got to start getting myself back into prenatal shape and making sure we’re keeping this house on budget. 

Yikes and Yay at the same time! 

Of course, this is my version of the story.  You can ask my partner where he is on this decision plan. 

9:20:38 AM