The Adoption Fair

Yes, I'm behind on all the things that have been going on!  I'm trying to catch up in chronological order!  The Adoption Fair was in uptown Charlotte, in honor of National Adoption Month and sponsored by the Southern Piedmont Adoption group.  We were a bit amused by and scared by Carter's comments about the similarities of going to PetSmart's adoption fair and bringing home two or three kittens/puppies/children.

Well, it was all that and less and more. 

The only children there were children of the people attending the adoption fair.  They had a special playroom for munchkins, some of which we assumed were adopted.  There was a large room of booths and tables where we walked around receiving information from the adoption vendors (???).  We met one nice adoption consultant who was from Charlotte and shared her story of adopting a child in 5 months--start to finish.  I was surprised by that!  The consultants help the potential adoptees all the way through the process.  That sounded very exciting until we saw the price of using a consultant---around $20,000 to $30,000.  This includes all the fees (consulting, home visits, adoption agencies, and birth-Mom care) but EEEKS!  Homemade is a lot cheaper than store bought! And does that seem fair to you???? It doesn't to me!  It seems that average families should be just as qualified as rich folks to adopt.  And because there are more average folks, it seems like there ought to be more incentives or chances for them to adopt over just the rich ones. 

I don't think it has to cost that much, but I believe if one wants a child quickly, it does.

We also talked with some home visit agencies.  They are the first step in the process.  And it's a bit of a misnomer.  They actually meet with the Mom and Dad (or Mom and Mom/Dad and Dad) quite a few times and only spend a wee bit of time in the home.  Their job is to help the parents determine whether they want an newborn (US adoption) or an infant to young child (foreign).  We're not even close to that decision yet. 

We also saw a few religiously affiliated agencies that house the birth-moms.  Some of these agencies are located in states favorable to the adopting parents (e.g., Utah) where the birth-Mom only has 24 hours to decide against the adoption after giving birth.  Others, like in NC, allow birth-Moms up to one week to change their minds.  Many if not most of these agencies allow the mothers to pick out who the baby will be adopted to.  I'm guessing that's something the consultant could be good in helping the potential adopting parents make  a nice "publicity package" to attract the attention of a birth-mom.  These agencies gave me a bit of the willies.  I like the idea that a birth-Mom could go somewhere for support while she is pregnant.  But it sounded like some of these places could have been a bit more restrictive than supportive:  daily therapy, carting the girls or women away to a secluded location in a different state, constantly monitoring what they eat and do, and providing supervised outings.  I understand why that is good for the baby, but it weebed me out a bit. 

The most disturbing table/vendor was the one bringing children over from Russia.  She kept shouting out "We're bringing 15 kids over in March!  We need homes to house these children while they are waiting to be adopted and hopefully even adopting them!"  That just seemed so sad!  That felt much more like the PetSmart pets-on-display. Anybody want a Russian child?!?  Free child to good home!  (except, of course, it's not free)

Personally, I was having an extremely hard time not crying every time we talked to someone.  At one point, I took Dave aside and said "I can't talk.  Really.  I cannot speak to these people because I am going to cry."  My man was then able to take over and ask questions, etc. whenever we went to a new table. 

We collected a big bag of literature which is still sitting on the kitchen counter.  I'm not ready to sort through that bag yet.  I am not ready to get my hopes up for a baby looking for a home or to decide No, we're not going to do this.  It was a pretty rough experience.  I keep thinking about all those babies and children who would give or do anything for a good home and loving parents.  And I'm not ready to start down that road.  Which, of course, makes me feel even more guilty.

7:55:50 AM