Rabid Mommies

Yesterday, I spent a little time in the morning searching around on Babycenter.Com.  I really like the site, and I really like their community bulletin boards.  I've even "met" a woman in Charlotte who's a pregnant runner, too.  Well, yesterday I decided to check out their hot topics discussion, bulletin boards with a lot of talk on them. 

Oh. My. God.  The one I chose was "Childbirth 'Choices'? I don't get it."    It was started by a 39 year old woman pregnant for the first time with twins and asking about birth plans, detailed instructions some women create of how they'd like their ideal labor and delivery to proceed.  She questioned whether why women created these because the whole birthing process is "painful, bloody and messy--and over sooner or later."  She questioned how much control women actually have over the process.  Granted, the original question could have been written a bit more tactfully, but by the reaction of some of the mommie on this site, you'd think she dangled a baby over an upper floor banister. 

Most women agreed that mothers should just do what is best for them and things do get out of control sometimes.  Other, much more rabid responses were along the lines of "if a woman is not at a birthing center with a midwife but no meds, floating in a large vat of water she's clearly going to be a bad mother.  And if a woman tears during childbirth, that's her own damn fault and an episiotomy is just another prime example of OB's as surgeons who want to hack the woman up any chance they can get."  Yikes! 

Maybe it's a generational thing.  I've always thought that I would go au nautural during labor (and I don't mean nekkid).  But I don't really want to recreate a Little House on The Prairie childbirth because the biggest complication of pregnancy during those times was the death of the mother!  I've had enough other granola friends who requested medicine when the moment of truth arrived.  I'd really rather not have an episiotomy.  I think there are ways to decrease one's chances of having them.  

And, adding a psychologist's perspective here, birth plans are about perceived control.  No woman can completely control how she gives birth.  And if the baby's health is in question, deviations from the plan are right and good.  I'm sure that birth plans are a great way to reduce stress and anxiety about an upcoming event.  But in reality, folks, we have much less control over our lives than we believe we do.

And an observation about the rabid mommies:  I never trust advice or information from anyone who is so defensive.  Defensiveness is one of the easiest ways to detect that someone feels insecure about themselves.  Why do they need to justify their own actions and ram their beliefs down other's throats?  Why can they not handle questions about their actions without becoming so aggressive?  I think it's amazing to go to a birth center and give birth with a midwife.  That is truly fantastic.  Yay for them.  Personally, I want an OB by my side and the option for an epidural if I so choose.  The prize at the end is the baby.  You don't get a medal for not using drugs. 

One final story:  Years ago, I read a story about an ultramarathoner who gave birth.  This woman is one of the top female ultramarathoners in the US. An ultramarathoner runs at least 30 miles in a race and can run up to 100 miles.  She described that other women told her that she was so ready for the labor and birthing process because she could run these distances.  She wrote, however, of her experience during labor recalling that at no time while she was running did she ever shout out "Jesus.  F*ck.  Kill me." 

That's enough for me to think childbirth can be a very painful process. 

7:21:36 AM