Matthew Henry's Bitchin' Blog

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 07:26:52 GMT

i think this is going to be my last post. aside from the technical problems i'm having, i feel that after a year and a half or so, i've gotten out of this experience what i've been looking for. namely, that there is an audience out there for someone who writes like me. i will occassionally post more polished stuff, although, i don't think it will be at this same site since i hate this server. just google my name and i'm sure you'll find it...whenever i get around to doing it. also, the time i spend not writing here, i can put into some larger projects. i've certainly enjoyed my time, and i'm glad there are a bunch of freaks out there who get off on my lame experiences. who knew. seriously, i appreciate all who joined my little cult. but now...i'm signing off. for a while. but not for good.

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 04:40:18 GMT

wait no...it's still not working

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 04:38:21 GMT

well...well....this seems to be working properly. i think. i'm going to hold off on my story about philly just in case this still isn't working properly...that way, i don't spend all this time writing something, just to have no one able to read it, and having to write it all over again. instead, i will comment on Desparate Housewives: love it.

Mon, 04 Oct 2004 21:25:42 GMT

testing...one two three testing...one two three

still not working

Mon, 04 Oct 2004 03:50:41 GMT

there were two great debates this weekend: one, as we all know, started thursday, featuring two old white men, that kept most of america buzzing through tonight. the other, a mystery unfolding this very morning in a posh philadelphia hotel suite among five very stylish gay men as they ate donuts and playfully insulted each other and reminisced about the night before. the mystery? did clizzay drunkenly pee on tim-tation the previous night as they (drunkenly...again, drunkenly) shared the pull out sofa? physical evidence says no. no stained sheets. no peculiar smell. but an outside witness as well as the victims fierce determination to bring about justice say otherwise.

all this and more (including a real live like, "now you have to pay me" kind of whore, one hot bartender--no, not me--, two nipple lickers, a desparate plea to suck a fat man's dick, and food. lots and lots of food.) it's the 2nd annual Jack and Clay's Philadelphia Birthday Bash!

stay tuned. me needs to recover.

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 07:06:59 GMT

i had a full day planned ahead: destination A, forty five minutes later Destination B, then hit a quick Destination C before heading home. somewhere on the way to A, i had one of those wait-where-the-fuck-am-i-going moments...the kind when you realize that you are driving but you somehow ended up way out of the way of where you wanted to get to. i don't know if my mind was wandering or what, but it happened twice. on the way to correct my route, i again, drifted off the map and ended up who-knows-where. i had to pull over and just sit and wonder why i was so distracted. then i had to replan my route to get be back on course for Desitnation A. but wait, there's a best buy over there! i picked up the new Green Day cd. i've always kind of liked them, but never enough to buy an actual album. this one...i'd heard good things, and man, am i blown away by it. Green day? Matthew Henry likes green day? what, is hillary duff featured on a song or something? yes, i know they are totally not my taste, but i was hard core once. sort of. i went to a Nelson concert. and i was totally goth sophomore year. so now that i've purchased my green day cd, i feel cool and hip. i'm with it. i'm in touch with today's youth punk sub-culture. come to think of it though, i think the members of green day are hovering somewhere around 30. wait...i once really was hardcore. i went to a Type O Negative concert junior year of high school and they are like this total speed metal band. i actaully don't know how i ended up there. it was scary and i smoked a lot of pot. people were just passing it around like a...well, like a joint. and a girl flashed her boobies at me. i said ick.

see, here i go again getting all distracted....best buy. i stopped in the best buy where i also picked up Angels in America on DVD so i can show my kids how i made such a better Louis when i did the play in college than the guy who plays him in the mini-series...and i picked up a copy of Pete's Dragon, one of my all time favorite movies starring Helen Reddy, Shelly Winters, and Mickey Rooney...oh and Elliot the Dragon. since i was on my way down to hang with lil Cordell and lil Ellie (May Clampet), i thought they might enjoy watching it. i even thought perhaps, i will let cordell keep it. Cordell showed no interest in the movie. i know it's not as exciting as Harry Potter, or as visually cool as...well Attack of the Clones is an awful movie, but cordell likes the pretty colors. instead, cordell and i ran around in mud puddles outside (which was actually pretty exhausting), then we shared a bag of doritos. i love that damn kid so much.

tomorrow it's off to philadelphia for Clay and Jack's 2nd Annual Big Gay Philadelphia Birthday Bash! but what's more important is that i am no where near work for three whole days! i'm sure when i come home there will be lots of misadventures to share...or at least a lot of people to make fun of...or i'm sure clizzay, tim-tation, miss kai or jackpants will do something or say something i can make fun of.

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 07:03:11 GMT

my friend emil, who works for an airline, got to fly with Destiny's Child the other day...yes, even beyonce, and said they were super cool. and i know he's not fibbing because he took pictures of them with his phone.

tim-tation and i helped miss kai move into her new home today. it was fun...and i know nobody ever associates fun with moving. we laughed and had a good time and i threw my back out. what an elderly thing to say...but yes, my back is so messed up right now. i think it has to do with the fact that tim-tation and kai are little people (and speaking of little people, is it bad luck if a midget crosses your path? one crossed mine today, she was cute as a button, but i swear i felt the shadow of death creep ever so much closer)...so...oh, yes, kai and tim-tation are little people...not dwarves or midgets or anything, but small guys...and by small i mean, they ain't been to the gym in some time. since i'm the big one, i got to heave my end of the couch all by myself...and this damn couch damn near didn't fit in the door. luckily, kai is handy with a screwdriver, so we dismantled the screen door and slid it in...just barely. i don't think couches are typically that heavy, but this was a sleeper sofa and it was heavy...and cumbersome...is that how one spells that?

work was hell tonight.

i sent some really drunk idiot home, and one of my boys rode with him in the cab because no cab would take him by himself. bitch couldn't even breathe on his own he was so drunk...now, at first i was a bit worried because...you know, having overdosed on alcohol myself several times...to the point of needing medical attention...i thought perhaps i should be calling an ambulance...usually when you tell drunk people that if they can't tell me where they live or who their friends are, we are left with two options: i call an ambulance or i call the paddywagon. that usually sobers them up enough to semi-walk out to a cab. this guy kept saying, sort of, however, that...okay, this is how i interpreted it: his boyfriend had friends visiting for the night. straighties who didn't know he was gay, so the boyfriend had to be somewhere else for the night. kind of a Birdcage situation. i think it's a horrible thing to do to someone you care about. so, the boyfriend spends the eveing out gettting drunk and really has no where to go. i have no idea where he planned to stay, but i did manage to get his home address out of him. and i sent him there. what better way to come out to your homophobic friends than to have some drunk faggot falling in the front door at 2 in the morning, claiming he's your boyfriend.

hm. i wonder how that situation played itself out. poor guy. if i was him, when i sobered up, i'd dump that asshole.

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 06:54:38 GMT

i have these two regulars who are quite young, quite cute and quite similar looking. they never come in at the same time. tonight they did. they look like twins. or at the very least, brothers who look almost exactly alike. i tried to get them drunk. i wanted them to make out because i thought that would be kind of hot. they didn't. but they left together. aw, perhaps they will fall in love and they will owe it all to me.

dolly parton is coming to town in november to play at the Patriot center. i got three tickets. i think cappuccio and i will take my mom.

another storm...damn these hurricanes. i know we've not been hit hard, but i'm just kind of tired of them already. how awful am I? i mean, people have died in these storms, lost their homes...and here i am worried that this excessive rain will over water my garden. well, all i can say is...sometimes you have to be selfish. although, i think i might go through my closet and pantry and stuff and donate some items. i can't imagine being a floridian right now.