I first began Life in LA in June of 2003. I had been living in Los Angeles for almost a year at that point, having moved here from Manhattan.

That summer I was on the verge of a major life change. I needed somewhere to go, a place where I could see a reflection of myself that no one else could. This page became that place for me.

I was 25 years old, living in Hollywood with my boyfriend of six years and I was taking care of my dying father who was living in Orange County. I had already lost my mother 6 years prior to this, when I was 18. Being an only child, the imminent loss of my only surviving parent was all encompassing. Already grieving for my future with this man, this event flooded every aspect of my life.

In the weeks that I cared for him at home before he passed away, coming here, to this space, became my only outlet. Writing through each day's devastating results allowed me to breathe a bit easier.

On August 5, 2003 my father passed away. It was seven o'clock in the evening and I was holding his hand.

Only days before my father's death, I had broken up with Mike, my live-in boyfriend of 6 years. Our split was necessary but nonetheless devastating, only adding to my losses. After my father's death, I moved to Venice Beach. I briefly considered returning to New York but was lured ever closer to the Pacific by several close friends, a quiet apartment on the canals and a writer named J. Ryan.

I don't write in this blog anymore. As of today, July 9, 2005, I still live in Venice Beach with J. Ryan. I'm happy here, in my little apartment by the beach. I work full time at 826LA, an educational non-profit here in Venice. It has been almost two years since my father died. My life is full, so full of friends and strange coincidences, sand tracked across the bathroom floor and a past that I will never let go of.

If you are a first time visitor and interested in starting at the beginning, please do so here. *It's not the most graceful beginning but it is honest.
11:35:46 PM     comment []

Why is Radio Userland so fucking difficult to figure out?! I know that I'm not completely computer illiterate... I just can't figure this out at all and feel like I'm back in Ms. Baden's algebra class in 10th grade. Her fake tan and pock marks accentuated in the florescents above. I'm up at the board, in front of the class, trying desperately not to make that squeaky chalk sound while at the same time making a concerted effort not to raise my arms too high lest anyone see how much I'm sweating. God! I never thought that anything would make me feel like I'm back in that room!!!!!

Here are the things that I can't figure out if anyone out there is interested in helping. First of all I am definitely html illiterate, which means I have no idea how to type in all these crazy codes and shit in order to create a simple link. The posting box on my desktop homepage has no editing tools to speak of. I tried writing a post in Word and creating links that way but they didn't carry over when I copied it into my posting box. Also, I can't figure out how to enable the comments option. It was there the first day that I started this. I even got a nice comment. But now it's gone and no matter how many times I click that little "enable comments" box they won't show up! On the verge of giving up entirely...
10:25:14 PM     comment []