I've just finished writing the eulogy. The memorial service is tomorrow. Over the next nine hours, 7 of my family members will be arriving. The flowers have been ordered, the programs printed, pictures set aside, the house has been cleaned (for the most part).

It's going to be strange to have them all out here. I've been completely alone since he died. Living in this world in my own head, in my own life. Everything on my terms. If I wanted, I could even pretend that they had nothing to do with it. I could slip away from this life of extended family, all people that I would never choose to have in my life. But I can't. And I won't.

I've been working hard on the memorial. I've never had to plan something like this. It's kind of like planning a wedding, there are a lot of arrangements. In some ways too, I feel like tomorrow will be the day that I fully commit to my father's death. It will be real tomorrow. I am scared.

Tomorrow, at sunset, I will stand in a room of people that loved my father, are related to my father, and I will read the eulogy that I have just completed. I will try my hardest to do justice to my father, to earn the amount of responsibility that he so confidently bestowed upon me.
10:55:13 AM     comment []