Sat, 14 Jun 2003 22:50:35 GMT

After my mother died, and my father and I were going through the house, I came across a book that had been on one of our bookshelves for as long as I could remember. For some reason, I had never opened it. Inside was this: A letter given to my father, by my mother, on their wedding day, October 11, 1975 Dear Gerry, Do you remember when you called me from Atlanta and asked where I had been all night while you were falling in love with me? And I said to myself, oh no, another blind date, just what I need, and got off the phone wondering what I did need. That was in early June. Then you called me from Washington, Friday night, June 20, as I was preparing to go out to a party at a friend's I had met in Martinique, and I was beginning to admire your perseverance, but was nonetheless not that thrilled by your appalling suggestion that I fly to Washington to have dinner with what was beginning to be in my mind, a very strange stranger. Are you kidding; me without the option of hailing a cab at 10:30 and saying thank you, it was a terrific evening but I gotta run, and please send my best to Bill Funk when you see him, you[base ']ll love Cape Cod. No way sweetheart, only on my own turf and reluctantly at that, but if you insist, and you do, how about tomorrow night in New York. I'm going to the beach with a friend, Ron, and probably won't be home till 7:00, so keep trying. Total exhaustion for me Sat. and a wonderful day with Ron, walking and talking about this and that and not wanting it to end, and looming over all a blind date that evening that was causing many conflicts cause I ain't without my conscience and was raised to fulfill my commitments but... not that well. So I got home at 10:30, knowing you'd be a damn fool if you were still calling, crawling into bed even more exhausted, and waking Sun. morn at 9 because the phone was ringing! Who dares call anyone before noon on a Sun. in NY? It had to be you, as they say, and 45 min. later I opened the door with wet hair asking if you wanted a Bloody Mary, which you did, thank god. The Sign of the Dove, a very un NY restaurant because its so pretty and light, and which I hadn't been to in years, couldn't have been more beautiful and sunlit and smelling of fresh flowers and the oysters and eggs florentine and Montrachet are what must have made me say yes to an invitation to go swimming in your pool in Atlanta that evening. Some blind date huh? What am I doing I asked myself as I packed and called friends to let them know I hadn't died if they called for days and got no answer. Simple, I have these fresh-picked L.I. strawberries and Gerry has rum and we've got to get this all together to make strawberry daiquiris and the rum is in Atlanta. And it's the only way I can stand strawberries and I hate waste. And they were good weren't they? And so were we. And all the fruit and vegetables we bought at the farmer's market Mon. that we couldn't have used in a week, and the discovery that peanuts grow in the ground, not on trees and that if you boil them raw in plenty of salted water and cool them, you may start a lifetime addiction which may be hard to kick. And you put me on a plane Tues., first class! for NY so I could resume my role of home economist and attend a Ragu Spaghetti Sauce meeting for a commercial there and I got there an hour before a terrible plane crash and wondered why I hadn't been on it because I was so happy and do I have that right and could this possibly continue. And you flew to Washington for some meeting or another because what you did was a mystery to me, even though you'd told me. I bought you a vav pot, really zabaglione, copper, gorgeous, a fortune, but you make it differently and call it vav. And myself a dress! The first one in six months and beautiful and expensive and I said, Sally, you[base ']re crazy, but suddenly I wanted to be beautiful and feminine as hell and you were calling and Fri. morn I found myself on a plane for Washington and the famous Watergate Hotel and drinks and steak sandwiches and a stroll through the underground boutiques and that was that for exposure. The rest was seclusion and room service and you and I. I met Candy and Ham, your daughter and son-in-law, and a thousand Pekinese and fell totally for one, Whoopee, a miniature bundle of love and intoxicating noises. And we dined at the Palm, another of my favorite NY restaurants recently opened in D.C., where I was desperately trying to keep my composure and water in my glass because you were sitting opposite me telling me how you felt about things and they were all so good and mirrored my own. And I was wearing a dress! And I flew back to NY Mon. morn early, after canceling the Sun. eve flight, and went to another meeting for Ragu to wrap for the following two day shoot thinking mainly about the trip to Atlanta I was going to make as soon as this was all over. And got out the night we wrapped, and Mary helped me throw things in a suitcase which hadn't been entirely unpacked anyway (an omen I didn't pick up on then), and you met me at 11:30, an exhausted mind and body that you soothed with a backrub to end em' all and my feet were even dirty. And we bought a bed for Eric, arriving from Fredericksburg the next day and went to Smugglers Inn, a restaurant that I knew I'd have to go to often just to have their Alaskan king crab legs or go through terrible withdrawal. And Fri. morn, the 4th of July I met them all, all at once. Your mom, Lulu, and your sister, Jean, had arrived very early that morn from Cal. and as each new face walked into the kitchen I dropped 2 more eggs into the bowl, double yolkers that had to be scrambled or give me heart failure, as I tried every which technique I could muster to fry them without breaking a yolk. And you, standing there watching all this. Well, in came the famous Eric, 6'6, 26 years old, with a beautiful face and manner. Mike, your 30 year old, bearded, a nice look to his eyes, Dawn, his girlfriend. The eggs were flying and my back going out fast and into an elastic brace I carry and use in times of stress. Pool time the rest of the day, Lulu made milk gravy for the pork chops and we tried to float a watermelon stuck with sparklers which literally fizzled out as it turned over. And all this time honey, I was confused and on edge until all of us created a drink from that watermelon that probably couldn't be duplicated if we tried but for future reference I'll record it: vodka, rum, gin and what really clinched it - tequila, drunk out of salt rimmed glasses. Your son is a good man honey, and plays a mean game of naked volleyball, which the three of us did together and then just talked and relaxed and he left and you and I finally went upstairs and made love the way we'd both been wanting to and Eric covered for us downstairs with all the noise we were making, with Lulu and Jeanie, who were wondering what was happening and left us a note under the door to that effect, and we joined them later much relaxed and I finally knew who I was again. God bless you Eric. And Mon. night, July 7, was our last night together again before I had to leave you for another shoot, and that day amidst much protesting and embarrassment on my part you bought me a beautiful long evening dress and the latest St. Laurent shoes and it was the first time I had ever come out of a dressing room to ask a man if he liked what I had on, and we went to the Abbey, a very beautiful restaurant here, and dined like kings on oysters and lobster bisque and veal and morels and marvelous wine and each other and I hadn't felt this beautiful ever and you were wearing your new beige suit and had never looked more handsome and manly and all those yummy things. And we saw Keesa, a crazy black full of life singer who knew what she was doing when she singled you out to stand up and play with her. The lady has good taste. And the next day I died in more than one way when you put me on that plane for Richmond and a Sara Lee job that I barely got through. Of all days to use me as a hand model. And I got back to NY alone and missed you and met you at the airport that Thurs. and you were swinging a side of Georgia bacon and we dined at home that night on roast pork and found out that my bed was a joke and you met Jane the next day and Tom and Ron and Mary and I realized I wanted to show you off to my family. You bought me a full ounce of Caleche perfume and after one more sleepless night in that bed we caught an 8 am shuttle to Washington and Watergate. July 12 for some rest and Candy and Ham's housewarming party where I tried to walk through a glass door and fell in love with you or realized it finally, not necessarily in that order. Lunch Mon, at the Rotunda with Eric, Candy and Ham where you and I each had one very bad oyster (why are the same things happening to both of us like this? Why do I think of something and you say it or vice versa?) And you were late for a meeting with Lou Churchville because we had to make love. And I flew back to NY again, and you back to Georgia, me facing (note, Sally, a subtle change of attitude about your work) another commercial - and - even worse, but exciting because its one more first, my dentist Herb, who has been my friend, is going to pull a wisdom tooth and stands a good chance of becoming my worst enemy because I will be in such agony that I won't be able to make that plane 4 hours later back to Atlanta and you. Herb, you are my friend for life and I walked home from your office and packed and you met me at the airport like you always do. And indulged me and fed me great gumbo for lunch the next day and I complained about my tooth and realized I hadn't done much of that in my life. Everything was always "fine." But it wasn't and you listened and sympathized. Lulu came out of the hospital and you took me to see Vic Damone and we drank champagne and you peeled your first label off a bottle. And Sun. I cried with you because I loved you so much and was so happy. Mon., you came back from work and I felt the strongest love for you and we held each other tightly for a long time. We had a week before I had to go back to NY again, and we filled it. Finally saw "Jaws," met Derek and his wife, a delightful guy who works for you; spent a day around Helen, Ga., beautiful, beautiful country, drinking wine and eating pickled pigs feet and visiting old friends at the lake where you used to live and discovering more sides of you. Picking wildflowers for Lulu, challenging every chigger within miles who of course took it up and ended in our clothing and skin, and you bought me a patchwork quilt. We met Joe and Sandy, and I said a lot of stupid things on the way home and you just told me you loved me. How brilliant, you didn't react. And the next morning we showed each other again how we really felt and made up without words. Charlotte and George, at this point I was having trouble keeping names straight, and 6 Flags, and Jose Feliciano, and a log roll and me dripping wet and looking like a drowned rat. And bird seed and feeders and our last day together at the pool watching birds - baby thrushers, woodpeckers, cardinals, young blue jays and I couldn't look at you or touch you enough. And somewhere in that very special week we knew we'd marry and not in a year but soon and I asked you to ask my mother first for my hand, and I flew back to NY knowing I loved someone for the first time in my life and that all was finally well. There was so much of me with you at that point I felt very torn up. I'd logged at that point 6600 miles to be with you. And a Kentucky Fried Chicken job for three days - July 29 through the 31st and plans of jumping a plane back to you immediately and you didn't call on the 30th and I'd had a long, hard day and Tom came down and spent the evening and the phone didn't ring and I tried to be casual about it, went to bed, all of a sudden knew why you hadn't called - that you were on a plane for NY and would arrive in minutes and heard a car door slam out front, knew it was you, got up and my doorbell rang and there you were. It is truly incredible to have a fantasy like that since you were a kid and actually have it happen. And you waited while I finished what was to be my last job and took me back to Georgia, fast becoming home base. And we stayed only two days when you announced Mon., Aug. 4, that we were driving to Cape Cod to see my mother! Into the car the three of us poured, with a full bar, including Lulu's apple wine, and to Washington, to drop Lulu with Candy and Ham and immediately to the Watergate and the last decent bed we'd have until our return trip home. Baltimore, the Eager House for lunch that you miraculously found after years and then the champagne corks flew as we bubbled our way into NY, me passing out just before the Holland Tunnel, and you subtly asked me where Tiffany's was. Oh God, an engagement ring from Tiffany's and I had never been engaged before and had made that request also and here you were filling it; and I felt alternately like a spoiled brat and a woman who finally knew it was alright to want the things I'd always wanted and who had done nothing but deny them. You went to N.J. the next day for a meeting and said you'd be back by three and you weren't and I knew where you were and what you were doing and was having heart failure but tried to be very cool; and for the last time we'd all get together in NY, in my apt., I made dinner, a terrific one, for you and me, Barbara Fine, Jane Taubin, and Tom and Ron and Paul and Bob, all dear friends whom had shared a lot of laughs and tears together. And Fri.. morn we left for Cape Cod and you asked mom for my hand and she was as nervous as I and almost followed me to the bathroom when I excused myself when I heard you getting serious. I was so proud of you and was moved beyond belief by what goodness was happening for both of us and we spread it that evening with Bill and Madeleine, knowing that we were committed to one another and were more awed and in love than ever. So darling, its Sat., Aug., 9, 1975 - the ring is in Boston at some obscure airport and we are on Cape Cod two hours away and the place closes at 1:00 pm and no one seems to know anything about anything and we are in the car tearing up there, you driving superbly, me with plans of outracing any cop who dares try and stop us, and I love you Mass. police force because you all must have stayed home that day. And we made it, threw the box in the trunk and relaxed; and then drove two more hours to Nauset Beach, where I'd hinted I wanted to become engaged; a place that had held indescribable magic for me as a kid, a place I[base ']d always returned to as an adult, and a place I'll remember always because you asked me to marry you there. And I said yes before you'd finished, more out of nervousness than anything else and you told me to be quiet and you started and finished this time and almost left me speechless for the first time in my life. And I said yes again, and you gave me the now famous box and the most beautiful diamond ring that is so flawless and full of fire and fit so perfectly AND I LOVE IT. The lobster rolls and champagne which we had packed up were devoured and drunk, and for a while there wasn't anyone or anything in the world but us and I don't really think I've ever been happier in my whole life because I'm marrying the most wonderful man who also thinks I'm the most wonderful woman. Now if that isn't the combination, you got me. The rest is a happy blur of friends, a most beautiful poem written for us by Ty McDonough, recited by her husband Marty, a lovely party mom gave us, sailing, flying to Nantucket to meet my sister Penny, her husband Joe, and their children; swimming in the ocean, lobsters, champagne (I was beginning to think it came out of the tap), my aunt and grandfather in Conn., and finally my dad and Betty and slides of me as a kid, which you watched with much good humor which was becoming characteristic of you, the nicest trait anyone could have; and then into NY and the Sign of the Dove for lunch and into and out of my apt. so fast, packing the car with a few things that meant so much to me. June and Tom, who'd come over, and I realized all of a sudden what was happening - my god, I'm leaving NY, this is not a joke and it was terribly painful and I don't remember much until we got to Baltimore, my head was so full of alternately you and me, and me and NY and everything it had ever meant to me, good and bad. And we stayed at the Watergate that night, a sanctuary if there ever had been one, and the bed was too small! And I said some more stupid things and you slept on the fold out couch and I in the bedroom. Some sanctuary! Had the Watergate failed us? Not really because I crawled in bed with you the next morning and everything was all right again. And we had dinner with Candy, Ham and picked up Lulu and headed south for home. And while we had been in NY the previous week I'd called a special friend whom I hadn't seen in months, Carol Burland, whom I must have a telepathic relationship with, as we'd joked of many times, for someone tells me she's in Fredericksburg, Va., with her mother and call her there and I do and she laughs because she'd been thinking of me lately; and that just happens to be where your son Eric lives, and I don't believe in coincidences, and so we all have lunch that Sat. after leaving Washington, you, Lulu, Eric, Victoria, his girlfriend, Carol and I. And I guess I'll always connect with Carol in the oddest places at the right times. And we make it to Burlington, S.C. that night and somehow pry Lulu out of the back seat where she had been incarcerated uncomplainingly and all collapse in the first decent bed we'd had in a week. Sun., Aug. 17 we finally drive into Atlanta honey, me at the wheel, one because I couldn't stand sitting there one more minute, and two, because I wanted this trip to end as fast as possible and have been known to drive as fast as you, and as we round the last corner to the house I catch Mike's car in the rearview mirror, following us home. As we all practically throw ourselves out of the car, so glad to be using our legs again, I hear him say, "Hi Mom," and realize he's talking to me and you know what? I loved it.

Claire Smith: My Mother