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"Never have I seen one woman in whom every social grace was so lacking. Did I say she was primitive? I retract that. She's feral!"--Walter Matthau as Henry Graham in Elaine May's A New Leaf
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Wednesday, May 4, 2005 |
It's raining.
2:18:17 PM 
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Gray gray day. but dry and bright, as yesterday. The clouds seem permanently affixed to the landscape. All those chemtrails... like Allen Ginsberg's mother's tinfoil hat. I think she was on to something. And our science people are deranged.
The year's half over, almost. Astonishing. Must move from the passive selling of personal effects to proactive organizing of the move. Make lists. Decide, based on comparative cost in $$ and energy, the best way to go about it. How to budget. What I can sacrifice.
Get boxes. Many many boxes. I think I'll pay for a small storage unit and start toting things from here to there just to empty the house.
Saturday we will return the hay-bales to the disappointed llama people.
If you've never read feral before, I'll bet you're really confused by now.
And even if you have.
2:07:43 PM
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Today's forecast
Course 1
Recently you reconnected with a Capricorn man,
the resurrection of a stalled friendship.
Course 2 and 3
You are fortunate.
Thanks to the simple one you travel with,
you receive enough support to sustain you
as you gain your balance,
withdraw to dim stillness,
behind unspeakable scandal.
Courses 4 and 5
Your two sons, the joy of your youth,
will buoy you in your old age, or
perhaps in the time of their own maturing,
or both: it's inevitable. The healing
speeds forward even now.
Course 6
You will visit a Gemini man
to discuss an investment. Or
a friendship with a Gemini man
will fail
because you lack resources.
Course 7
Your innate optimism is compromised.
You feel wounded. You are moving toward cynicism.
This all has resulted from your own past actions.
Course 8
If you can't keep your eye on the prize,
you'll always carry a heavy burden.
You have the strength to carry it,
but, unbalanced and struggling,
you'll accomplish nothing more in your life
with such encumbrance.
Course 9
You reach out to the world.
It will respond with the great gifts of love
and a creative inspiration so powerful
it will seem like magic.
Course 10
Abandon your fear.
Open your eyes. Take what you've learned
from all your error
and craft something marvelous
to share.
Course 11
The ongoing alchemy as your leaden spirit becomes gold.
Mental evolution.
Carried to completion.
Course 12
Your pain and alienation are at an end.
Finally you move into a new cycle.
Course 13
The last segment of your life will transform you.
You'll live secure, fertile with experiences.
Course 14 and 15
A caution: You lean on the innuendo in your work.
It has real power for you,
but it's self-indulgent and dishonest.
Bear truth always
in mind and bring yourself always back to it.
Work from your spiritual core.
Course 16
Know that anger and fear
always will repel
love and prosperity.
Discard the former.
Ensure the latter.
Course 17
The rapid approach of joy.
Completion. Security.
Satisfaction.
Course 18
Your power grows. You've wrestled long
with your unruly passions
and reaped a harvest of pain.
Light enters over the edge of your world.
Course 19
The time of your victory is at hand.
The joining.
The right choice.
Prosperity beckons.
Course 20
Your past suffering will nourish all your future work.
Your mind is sharp.
You know how to use it.
Course 21
The trauma that's razed your interior
is a gift; it's making you what you're becoming.
The crafter.
Course 22
Your work, your life--
unfold according to plan.
Take heart.
Come out of your dark rooms and dance in the sun.
Course 23
Union. Triumph.
The world and all its gold.
Walk away
from the past souring in its vessel,
that waning life.
Course 24
Celebrate. Feel the rightness of it.
Your ideas flow,
manifest, and you exchange them
with dear friends
doing likewise.
Course 25
Listen to the quiet guidance from within.
Listen.
What you learn will fuel your work.
Course 26
Worries, conflict, confusion
rapidly disappear.
1:14:05 PM
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From Robert Lowell:
Snake
One of God's creatures, just as much as you,
or God; what other bends its back in crooks
and curves so gracefully, to yield a point;
brews a more scalding venom from cold blood;
or flings a spine-string noosed about their throats:
hysterical bird, wild pig, or screaming rabbit?
Often I see it sunning on bright, brisk days,
when the heat has ebbed from its beloved rocks;
it is seamless, scaled-down to its integrity,
coiled for indiscriminate malevolence.
Lately, its valor pushed it past man's patience;
stoned, raw-fleshed, it finds its hole--sentenced
to hibernate fifty years.... It will thaw, then kill--
my little whip of wisdom, lamb in wolf-skin.
11:28:36 AM
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