One more shut-up hermetic summer day. We burrow in and wait for the heat to peak. I remember when the boys were small and we lived down in the Central Valley, how we would lie low--literally, resting near the cool black linoleum--and wait for 6 p.m. Outdoor temps would be lingering around 105F, but the worst had passed, and every day then we'd head for Big Chico Creek, and the One-Mile pool there, and cool off in the water until dark.
These days remind me of those, because again my house is cooled strictly by strategy and electric fan. Each day's goal: to get through in decent spirits and with something accomplished. Of course, the big differences up here at altitude are aridity and very cold nights.
***
My sons' birthdays are nigh, hence the nostalgic tone. I was an over-gestator, a reluctant birther, and managed to stay pregnant a full ten months before my respective impatient OBs broke my water and the babies rushed out an hour or two later, with full heads of thick hair and great senses of humor.
Josh was born by appointment on the 29th, in Iowa, Jesse three years later, again by appointment, on the 31st, in Colorado. (They insisted I come in on the 29th to have Jesse but I made them wait two extra days to separate their birthdays by a respectable interval.) Josh nursed like a barracuda and doubled his birth weight in eight weeks. Jesse hated being hungry but hated eating, too, keeping down just enough milk to get by and leaving me always painfully full and mastitis-prone. A skinny infant, he was, but he filled out OK later on.
***
The caffeine that keeps me moving in the heat combines with anxiety about another planned drive out this coming Thursday night and wrecks my sleep. I have not driven farther than 50 miles from here since last fall, and that experience was so catastrophic I think I've developed a phobia about ever leaving at all. Just as well, probably. But I'm going to try anyway, because I have not laid eyes on family in so long, and this hurts me every minute, anymore. I will abduct the skinny son in the valley and keep him hostage up here for at least 48 hours, force-feed him cookies, talk his ear off, lend him a vehicle to drive back home in. I hope this can happen.
***
Leo had vanished for a couple of days, so I was very happy to spot him curled up in the bathroom sink this afternoon. It seems like a cat of mine goes away every time I pet-sit the big dog and his tortoise friend. I don't think I can cope with any more such losses.
2:11:46 PM 
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