feral

Saturday, November 12, 2005

I learn only now of the death today of the English writer John Fowles. His novels held me spellbound through the 1980s, and he was one of few contemporary novelists I read religiously then. If you are registered with the NYTimes, you'll find an article here.
11:27:41 PM

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DEAR FOLKS
With apologies to Mark at smallponderings, I herewith submit in place of a blog update a paste of copied email I sent to him tonight. I'm living a little in the twilight zone these days, just a bit zombified. This is a Good Thing. Acquiring a skill at living in the Now and dealing with what's in front of me at any given moment. I still indulge in sessions of Worry, but these are being replaced more and more, I find, with bouts of Planning.

Dearest Mark BrotherBoyd
I was going to write to you tonight, honest.
I'm up to my elbows in delayed correspondence(s) and dropped balls etc.
My days:
I crawl from bed, make our lunches, tea&toast, feed animals, drive to town, drop Brian, open the store, turn on heat and lights, find a decent streaming radio station, start cleaning and pricing, cleaning and pricing, cleaning and pricing and finding space, cleaning and pricing and making spaces, stop at 2, drive to pick Brian up from his program, come back, resume work, take off at four. Fetch mail; if I have sold a book, then we get gas, get cat litter, get cornflakes. Drive home in the dark. Greet hysterical animals, feed everyone, wash a load of laundry, shower brother, clean kitchen, crawl upstairs, turn on laptop, AIM chat shoptalk with bookdealer Russell in Bakersfield for half an hour while I eat my melted cheesetoast and ginger tea. If I have sold anything on eBay, then I may have enough in my Paypal account to bid on some eBay bulk books or CD rack etc. for the store. Fall asleep in my clothes. Wake up. Send dogs out. Shut down house. Let dogs in. Don PJs and crawl into bed. Worry. Fall asleep. Wake up. Worry. Fall asleep. Wake up. Start over.
This is life for many weeks now.
My endurance, as you can tell, is improving.
I am for some reason very happy about the shop. I get a good feeling about it from the future. I think it was the right thing to do.
As of today I have finally rented the little dream house on the edge of town I wanted, the one that's STILL FOR SALE. I will live in it in a state of constant readiness. If it ever sells, I will have 60 days notice to move on. I am hoping for a windfall, because I would like to own it and relax finally. Anyway, that means I will spend December packing and moving. No rest until January. But then such a rest I will take. I hope.
I am off now to read your blog
Love
love
sam

10:09:44 PM

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Which Action Hero Would You Be?

You scored as Maximus. After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him.

Maximus

67%

Neo, the "One"

63%

Lara Croft

58%

James Bond, Agent 007

50%

The Amazing Spider-Man

50%

Captain Jack Sparrow

50%

Batman, the Dark Knight

46%

Indiana Jones

33%

El Zorro

29%

William Wallace

29%

The Terminator

25%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

4:39:19 AM

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not wide awake at 3 a.m.
but merely awake
not wakeful so much as conscious
these things happen
I keep wondering what has happened
to the girl who used to live
in this body
well, not this body,
but the one it was when she lived in it
as though she'd calved away
like a glacier of turquoise
and left it a strange shape
inhabited by a fragment
the eyes flutter shut
the eyes have it then
back to the twilit village I live in
when the body evicts me—get out
can't you see I need some sleep?

4:17:00 AM

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