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HAIL DUBYUS!
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Wednesday, August 30, 2006
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(Wash Post) The Stupid Things People Said About Karr
That about says it all. The whole thing was marked by stupidity, stupidity in Thailand, in Boulder, and especially on the 24-hour all JonBenet fests on cable news, aptly satirized by Rob Corddry hiding out in the airliner toilet. Yes, wouldn't it have been good to finally put this terrible incident to its final rest, to give some peace to that family? The Boulder DA literally HAD to check out Karr, if for no other reason than he was a fugitive who'd broken parole AND had confessed to the murder. But 12 days of constant bombardment with John Mark Karr just went to the toilet? I mean, come on, even his ex-wife said he couldn't have done it and when you're a kiddie porn addict and your ex actually provides you with an alibi, you know someone's a few donuts shy of a dozen.
Our government isn't the only thing that's broken around here these days, our news media is running neck and neck with it. Keep the yahoos entertained and they won't question what's really going on in the world. We've done Orwell one better. In 1984 (and remember 1984 was just a number the protagonist Winston Smith picked at random and had nothing to do with the actual date of 1984--Orwell needed a date close enough to be scary and back in the 1940s when he wrote the book, if he'd used a date in the 21st century, it would have been brushed off as mere science fiction--our attitudes towards science fiction have changed a lot also in the last 70 years), the Ministry of Truth spouted propaganda and more propaganda. OUR Ministries of Fairness and Balance provide entertainment as well. All Sensationalism, All the Time! Citizen Hearst would be proud of his legacy.
Oh well, August IS a slow month. We got a good start on the Hail Dubyus! book we've been planning during the last few weeks of easing off on our normal schedule. We'll be publishing the last of our retrospectives this Friday and then will take Monday off for the Labor Day holiday and then it's back to our normal schedule for Wednesday and Friday of next week. Welcome back to school, kiddies :)
Oh, and welcome to the newest member of our backyard wildlife habitat--a ground hog with a taste for peanuts and sunflower seeds LOL.
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5:55:34 AM 
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Monday, August 28, 2006
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(US News and World Report) By Paul Bedard: More from Washington Whispers, Animal House in the West Wing "He loves to cuss, gets a jolly when a mountain biker wipes out trying to keep up with him, and now we're learning that the first frat boy loves flatulence jokes. A top insider let that slip when explaining why President Bush is paranoid around women, always worried about his behavior. But he's still a funny, earthy guy who, for example, can't get enough of fart jokes. He's also known to cut a few for laughs, especially when greeting new young aides, but forget about getting people to gas about that."
Dontcha just love a boss who plays pull my finger--especially when you know you can't fart back?
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7:20:21 AM
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Friday, August 25, 2006
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 A year after Katrina (and using one of my better cartoons from earlier this year to commemorate it) and it's a good idea to review some of the info which is hitting the wires about this disaster which caused more deaths and more destruction than 9/11 to New Orleans, Louisiana and the usually ignored Mississippi, yet wasn't caused by Islamic extremists, terrorists, or godless liberals.
(AP) Democrats cite no-bid Katrina contracts The government awarded 70 percent of its contracts for Hurricane Katrina work without full competition, wasting hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars in the process, says a House study released Thursday by Democrats."
(AP) 4 indicted over Katrina debris removal Just a local bunch of boys, but an indication of just how MUCH fraud is going on down there.
Hezbollah offers Lebanese relief "Hezbollah began doling out $12,000 in lump sums to homeless families last week so they could rent apartments and furniture for a year, he said. Any Lebanese who ventured near a tent set up as Hezbollah emergency headquarters said the offer far outstripped any effort made by Lebanon's government." Heck, it outstripped the paltry $2,000 our government doles out to Katrina victims.
(CBC) New Orleans phone book cut in half by Katrina Back in my youth, I'd break phonebooks in half when they were used up to impress people (it's a trick). I don't think I could do it to DC's anymore but wow, New Orleans is down to a size I think I could STILL break in half.
(AP) Who's to blame for state of New Orleans? At least it didn't list the sinfulness of the New Orleansians.
(Reuters) Most Katrina claimants satisfied: insurance group Well, they WOULD say that, wouldn't they? "but lawyers for claimants in one of the states call this figure 'absurd and misleading.'"
(AP) Bush says Katrina recovery takes time Isn't that what he said about finding WMDs in Iraq? Guess what, we still haven't found those.
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3:59:54 AM
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Wednesday, August 23, 2006
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(Reuters) Seven dwarfs better known than high court justices
OK I know it's a little old, but it's a slow month and I'm on a reduced schedule LOL and I know there are NINE justices and only SEVEN dwarves (to spell it correctly for a change), but when we get the rubberstamp partisan activist right wing supreme court like we'll get in a few years--not that it isn't on the edge right now--will it really matter how many justices there are? In any case, let's hear it for our informed electorate :)
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6:50:39 AM
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Monday, August 21, 2006
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Don't worry, they probably won't make us travel naked--they'll undoubtedly give us pocketless "Security Suits" while our real clothes travel to Johannesburg with the rest of our luggage. But at least we'll be totally safe...
(CBC) Muslim doctor wants apology from U.S. airline
(CLS Press Release) Coalition for Luggage Security Focuses on London Flight Diversion that Triggers Airline Fear
(AFP) Authorities 'convinced' airline plot was real: Home Secretary Reid
Yanno, every time we hear about these terror threats, we find out that someone had infiltrated the group...I'm beginning to wonder if the infiltrators are the ones who are pushing the idea of attacking and THEN taking credit for breaking up the plot that they themselves suggested...
(TheRegister) Mass murder in the skies: was the plot feasible? Looks like the whole thing was one big joke--I mean seriously, how many people have concentrated hydrogen peroxide and sulfuric acid in their kitchens? The standard H2O2 concentration sold in drugstores is 3%...so much for common household items. Then "Once the plane is over the ocean, very discreetly bring all of your gear into the toilet. You might need to make several trips to avoid drawing attention. Once your kit is in place, put a beaker containing the peroxide/acetone mixture into the ice water bath (Champagne bucket), and start adding the acid, drop by drop, while stirring constantly. Watch the reaction temperature carefully. The mixture will heat, and if it gets too hot, you'll end up with a weak explosive. In fact, if it gets really hot, you'll get a premature explosion possibly sufficient to kill you, but probably no one else.
"After a few hours - assuming, by some miracle, that the fumes haven't overcome you or alerted passengers or the flight crew to your activities - you'll have a quantity of TATP with which to carry out your mission. Now all you need to do is dry it for an hour or two...While it's true that a slapdash concoction will explode, it's unlikely to do more than blow out a few windows. At best, an infidel or two might be killed by the blast, and one or two others by flying debris as the cabin suddenly depressurizes, but that's about all you're likely to manage under the most favorable conditions possible." In other words, a serious threat only in the movies, not in reality land. But hey, we're not interested in reality, just in scaring people...
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6:04:58 AM
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Friday, August 18, 2006
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 Now I KNOW that the most important news story in the world at the moment is whether or not this nutcase who seems to have been in Alabama at the time of the JonBenet Ramsey killing had astrally projected himself to Boulder Colorado in order to accidentally kill her with a garrot, having drugged her without any drugs being discovered in the autopsy (oh yeah, his name in John Mark Karr and he's been living in a Bangkok bang shop for the last two months, with the media adding the salacious detail that many CHILDREN are brought there by pedophiles, something I'm sure is so rare in Bangkok to be worthy of note), but given my lack, I think that perhaps this entry from 2005 is a bit more to the point of our continuing obsession with making the skies safe by inconveniencing all innocent travelers (You don't think this will happen in first-class do you? terrrists don't put out for first-class seating). Now you can't bring on liquids. Of course, flying dehydrates people so they absolutely need to continually be drinking SOMETHING (everything EXCEPT alcohol which dehydrates you further, but some people are still so scared of flying that the only way they can get through the ordeal is by getting stinkin' stiff, and they sure ain't being helped by Homeland Security), but if they don't serve drinks on a particular flight, I guess you're just S-O-L. No shave cream, no perfume, no nothing in carry-on luggage, no MP3 players which can be used to detonate your Gatorade, so if you want to bring these things, it's baggage roulette for ya--will my luggage be there when I am or will it take a sidetrip to San Francisco? When did we become so scared silly? Yeah I know, 9/11 changed EVERYTHING, but seriously, what with warning labels on everything, nothing remotely fun available for children lest it be swallowed or otherwise too dangerous for parents too busy to read age suitability statements. I mean seriously, "Liquid contained inside may be hot" on coffee cups? Are we going to wind up protecting ourselves so much we wind up wrapped in cocoons. Anyway, another of our August 3rd Anniversary Retrospective. Have a Good Weekend Folks!
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1:12:32 AM
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Wednesday, August 16, 2006
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Samuel L. Jackson's Official Site
Official Site of SNAKE on a PLANE!
I can't help it, I WANT to see this movie. I LOVE Samuel L. Jackson and this flick promises to be as great/bad as its name is :) But with respect to today's cartoon--are the snakes on Air Force One real? metaphorical? OR ARE THEY THE ADMINISTRATION from the top down????? I refer of course to the REPTOID conspiracy (which I found during one of my wanderings through Wikipedia) "Author and conspiracy theorist David Icke claims that reptilian humanoids are the force behind a worldwide conspiracy directed at manipulation and control of humanity. He contends that most of our world's leaders, from George W. Bush to British royal family, are in fact seven-foot tall, blood-drinking reptilians.
"According to an interview with David Icke, [11] Christine Fitzgerald, a confidante of Diana, Princess of Wales, claims that Diana told her that the Royal Family were Reptilian aliens, and that they could shapeshift. David Icke and others have claimed that U.S. President George W. Bush and his family are part of this same bloodline. (Icke, 2004)
"David Icke claims, based on his exploration of genealogical connections to European royalty, that many presidents of the United States have been and are reptilian humanoids. In his view, United States foreign policy after September 11 is the product of a reptilian conspiracy to enslave humanity, with George W. Bush as its key player." See Reptilian humanoid :)
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7:07:36 AM
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Monday, August 14, 2006
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(NYTimes) U.S. Shift Kicked Off Frantic Diplomacy at U.N."A senior administration official said a crucial moment came when Ms. Rice decided to intervene personally in New York. 'Condi sat in her office Thursday night,' he said. 'In a very clear moment, she decided to go to New York and just force this through by going there and sitting there until it got done.' Well, it was about #$%^ time.
(Guardian) UN says 'peace tomorrow' despite Israeli attack "Israel dramatically defied a unanimous United Nations Security Council ceasefire resolution by escalating its ground war yesterday in southern Lebanon, asserting that it needed more time to 'clean up' Hizbollah...By the day's end, 30,000 Israeli soldiers had crossed the border. Despite reports that some troops had reached the Litani, it was also their bloodiest day of fighting, with at least 11 killed and 70 wounded. Israel claimed that it had killed 40 Hizbollah fighters."
(NYTimes) Israelis in North Are Pessimistic About a Truce Well, no shit, if their method of prepping for a cease fire is to send 30,000 troops across a border to accomplish as much killing as they can before they're forced to stop.
Sorry I was late in posting today, it seems that the email for my license renewal got lost somewhere and I had to get my software renewed ASAP.
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2:44:53 PM
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Friday, August 4, 2006
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 While Da Prez is on his first-ever SHORT vacation, HAIL DUBYUS! will also take a break next week, hopefully returning in time for any interim appointments he makes during the longer Congressional recess. Furthermore, in celebration of our third anniversary, HAIL DUBYUS! will be reprinting on Fridays during August (during the aforementioned Congressional recess) some of our more celebrated--or most undeservedly ignored--cartoons from the past three years. This will hopefully allow your devoted cartoonist and the squirrels to recover from the beastly heat that IS NOT CAUSED BY GLOBAL WARMING (ahem!). We now have proof that it can't be, Pat Robertson said that it was! (Reuters) Heat converts Bush ally Robertson on global warming
Anyway, we thought we'd begin our retrospective in honor of Tom Delay, who has just been re-included on the Texas (AP) Court rules DeLay's name stays on ballot. We have no doubt that the well-fed weasel will attempt to slink off the ballot (AP) GOP to take DeLay case to Supreme Court, but to mark the occasion, we present our November 2004 impression of Tom Delay as Tomdelayo, as played by Hedy Lamarr in "WHITE CARGO.". Oops, that's Hedley! Actually, Hedley's/Hedy's character was named TONdelayo, but I think our Texas weasel looks quite fetching in a sarong, don't you? Congratulations, Sugarland!
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5:48:10 AM
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Wednesday, August 2, 2006
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Aren't celebrity psychodramas so entertaining? To be fair, I wish Mel all the luck in the world in dealing with his addiction. We, as a society, do not really understand addiction and treat it more as a moral failing instead of a systemic condition that is passed on genetically and it requires a tremendous amount of will to control it. You can never be cured of an addiction because that's like trying to be cured of having blue eyes. Having blue eyes does not create problems for you, your loved ones or anyone who comes in contact with you, but an addiction does. The best you can do at present is control it and live with it as best as you can. AA can be a significant help for this and some day, we may understand the genetics so that a real treatment becomes a possibility.
More serious is Mel's unconscious bigotry. I'm sure that Mel does not consciously hate Jews. But a person can easily have a dark underbelly of prejudice that he isn't aware of, that he'd deny was there and which does not affect his actions on a normal day-to-day basis, and that I believe is what Mel is dealing with here. He's going to have to become aware of that prejudice in himself and learn to distance himself from the sources in his life that reinforce it, and one of those, I'm afraid, is his own father, and another is his beloved old-style Catholicism. I myself remember vividly the Good Friday prayer "for the perfidious Jew," which was prayed before Vatican II. That background permeated Mel's PASSION, yet he seemed completely surprised that people saw it there, because he thought he'd erased it from the film. But what happened was the spectacle of a man trying to be fair to someone he already thinks is guilty...no matter how much slack you cut them, you can never do it as much as you would for someone you think ISN'T guilty, or even for someone you have NO opinion about.
And lest I seem as holier-than-thou as I suspect I sound, let me say right here, if I lecture Mel Gibson, it is because I am using words I've said to myself about my own demons and failings and still say to myself. Good luck Mel.
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5:54:32 AM
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Aye, I'll condemn anything that leaves the task of protecting American freedom to scofflaws like me.
And to those of you who aren't on the main page, CLICK HERE to see the LATEST HAIL DUBYUS! toons...
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