[IF][THEN][ELSE]
The computer programming jobs have mostly gone far, far away. And I say this living fairly close to Redmond, or MicrosoftLand. Still, it seems apparent, a fact, one that probably won't change, as other facts won't in the new global economy. Forty bucks an hour for doing a job someone in New Dehli will do for five is a no-brainer in terms of future. Learn something else.
It's still a handy habit to have, and I use what little I have occasionally, as in the past week, when I got a short-term contract from an old client to help them out. It's boring work and not creative at all, so I put all that energy into saving seconds until I realized that, over two weeks, this would be a waste of time. I still did it, though, trying to make repetitive work pretty, just to keep from going crazy.
You might be surprised how often I try to avoid going crazy.
[IF][VARIABLE]key~=[ENTER]~
[THEN]
[NEST]capit~
[ELSE]
[CHAIN]newitem~
[END IF]
[VARIABLE]key~
[QUIT]
I used to do this stuff all the time. It was like a game.
Now I play a different game, which is trying to rearrange the most complex language on the planet, at least in terms of vocabulary (at least), into something that people will give me money for.
And that they will enjoy, of course, and laugh at and think about and sniffle over, but still. I need the checks. I've got kids.
I sold a piece several weeks ago that I'm still waiting for. Unlike a lot I write, it wasn't time sensitive, so it can sit on a busy editor's desk until a space opens up, but there's a basic fact (and yes, that's a programming joke) that can best be described in piece of imaginary code:
[IF] [VARIABLE]print~="Yes"~
[THEN]
[GO][VARIABLE]pay~
[ELSE]
[NEST]nothanks~
[END IF]
I'm a sloppy programmer, just as I can be sloppy in lots of things. There are plenty of [GO TO] statements, in other words. On the other hand, nobody, or at least nobody in a long time, has had to use something I've constructed; it's mostly me. Sort of like "dad's bathroom." The grunge in the shower offends no one since no one sees it except me.
It started me thinking, though, about computer etiquette, about what's proper and what's not and who decides. We've all learned by now (I assume; learn it now, then) that CAPITAL LETTERS LOOK LIKE SHOUTING SO DON'T USE THEM UNLESS YOU REALLY, REALLY NEED SOME EMPHASIS. Other things.
I've been reading Rosie O'Donnell's blog. I like Rosie. I've enjoyed some of her movies, I liked her talk show, I like her. She started a blog and then started getting some incredibly hateful comments, so eventually she shut them off. Good for her. You can only hear "FAT LESBO BITCH!" so many times, I guess, before you wonder what you're doing here.
Me, I've had my share of mail like this, which I've commented on before and which confuses me mightily. It's like some stranger coming up to me in the lobby of a movie theater and making snide remarks about my hair. What drives you people?
And, yes, a lot of it has to do with being public. You're fair game, I guess, although I can't tell you the number of people who've written me and asked me, in less than flattering ways, how they can get their own writings published in a magazine or newspaper or wherever, and I always resist the urge to answer
First of all, write something good.
People.
What I'm thinking about tonight, though, all worn out and expecting company soon, is e-mail and what the rules are.
I've had what I guess I'd call a rash of unanswered e-mails lately. This happens, of course, and some of it is necessary, avoidance of the perpetual motion machine of courtesy: You answer, I answer your answer, you answer my answer, etc. Someone has to stop.
Still, there's something disconcerting and a little uncomfortable about writing with no response, given the immediacy of broadband connections. I intuit things, things I might have said, or said wrong, or said right on the wrong day, or wrong time. I worry about this stuff.
I wonder if Ms. Manners has addressed this.
Yes, I know this is awkward. Some of you are penpals, people with whom I exchange e-mails fairly regularly. It's not you. Probably.
They are, for the most part, business related, and in some cases personal, but being the efficient guy I am, obsessive about time and its usage, I wonder how you can take the time to read an e-mail and not an additional 30 seconds to say, "Interesting...I'll get back to you."
I can postulate a whole lot about modern society and changing conventions and new modes of communicating and those people who won't leave messages with voicemail or an answering machine, but mostly I want to know:
Do they hear me?
Probably an ancient question.
[IF][VARIABLE]query~="why hast thou forsaken me?"
[THEN]
[CASE CALL][VARIABLE]query~~
[IF][VARIABLE]subject~="sonofman"
[THEN]
[GO TO][VARIABLE]calvary"
[ELSE]
[GO TO][VARIABLE]_______~
[END IF]
[END IF]
[END IF]
[END IF]
End.
If.
Go.
To.
And, as it turns out, in trying to sort out this tired brain, I was just wanting to say Happy Easter.
I'm a little early.
But it might take you a while to get back to me.
7:58:34 PM 
|
