Tips on Being a Good Accountant
I am still trying to decide what this site will be about. In the meantime I will test different subjects. For today, this is a nifty weblog about accounting. And the present installment gives you tips on being the best accountant you can be. (I am a much better accountant than you will ever be)
Once again, Tips on Being a Good Accountant:
1. Learn how to add and subtract and/or buy a calculator.
2. Have one or more hands. (optional)
3. Own at least one pair of slacks. Trousers or pants are not acceptable substitutes.
4. Whatever you do, don't study accounting. That would be like studying ... making toast, or something. If you find yourself thinking about studying accounting, immediately put on a T-shirt that says "I am stupid" and proceed directly to hell.
5. Take the Accountant's Oath: "I hereby swear never to reveal to my coworkers that my job consists of nothing but simple addition and subtraction, and to forever uphold the mythical notion of 'figuring' and 'figures.' Amen"
6. Practice your internet browsing skills. You may end up browsing as much as 7 hours per day, you will need endurance.
7. Practice squinting at pieces of paper as if you are trying to figure something out.
8. Familiarize yourself with the concept of "money."
9. Find the latest news articles about corporate scandals involving deceptive accounting practices, so that you can make sure to avoid such messes. Start reading these articles, then abruptly stop and turn immediately to the sports pages.
10. Don't be an accountant.
DISCLAIMER: This is so a work of fiction. I love my job, I work very hard, and accounting is very exciting and thrilling and challenging for me. As for you, I simply don't know.
~Monty
10:05:36 AM 
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