Smashing Morning!
To you! Sirs! And Madameses! I realized it had been a mighty long time since I had blogged in the morning time, and now, mere moments after the crack o' dawn as 'twere - specifically it is 10:49 AM - I thought I would write to share with all four of you MILLIONS of Montinoes and Montettes what a positively smashing morning it has been so far! Rather than simply proclaiming all day (which I've been know to do) I shall instead make a list (yet another of my speshy-alley-teas). So here is a list of the factors that have contributed to my sunshiney and positive mood, which almost, but quite, burns through this ugly, wet, cold disgusting weather. There's all this brown slushy rainy snow all over, like God dropped a giant Doo-Doo flavored Icee on Manhattan, and it gets all up yer shoes and bites at one's trouserends.... But no matter! Here are the happy things:
HT#1: I actually got up sort of after the alarm went off, and was completely showered by the time Rosie got up!
HT#2: I drank a whole mug of very tasty coffee at home!
HT#3: I checked my work email from home and there was no message from...what did I call him?...no message from Len Sphincter, a second-tier big boss in London, one of the chaps - the only chap in fact, the other was a right dodgy old bird we'll call "Trudiss" - who came over the Atlantic to hand me my jewel-encrusted pink slip on a silver platter. Anyhoo I'd sent Len Sphincter an email yesterday afternoon - would've been well into evening in London, so I knew Len wouldn't viddy it till tomorrow, being today - anywow in this email I asked him for a raise. I don't know if it is considered unusual in British culture to ask for a raise after one has already been laid off, particularly after one has already signed his agreement for the quite nifty actually, all things considered, severence package handed to one by Len and Trudiss... a bit jumbled in my phrasing I am...perhaps I should give up writing so blasted early in the morning... anyhow I wrote to Len asking him for a raise, and figured his answer, if any, would be in my inbox next morning (being this one). So when I checked there was no answer, which I think is his answer. I was a little worried there might be a message saying "We've just shredded your severence papers and beaten the silver platter upon which it was delivered into a silver ploughshare upon which you will be ...ploughed out of the office, sans funds, in due haste" (I would like Len better if he actually did talk that way). I had no real illusions there would be a message saying anything good. According to his style, a non-response means "I will pretend I never read this." Which is fine by me.
So why is this listed as a Happy Thing? Sounds kinda neutral, right? Well, it's a Happy Thing because I learned a couple of things:
1) You CAN ask for a raise after you've already been laid off.
2) You probably won't get one. Or at least I won't.
HT#4: Come on, guys! How much happiness can you take??? I don't want your smiles to actually spread so far that they sprain or even tear a ligament or tendon attached to your facebone. So I'll write more later. For now, Happy Thing #4 can be YOU READ THIS WHOLE BLOG ENTRY! Good for you! Talk to you this afternoon? And happy morning!
Love,
Monty
11:35:08 AM 
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