More Reasons to Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Live Here
1. The Wicked Prosper:
MARK STEYN JOINS NRODT
If you subscribe to NR Digital (or NRODT--Digital is included) you could be reading Mark Steyn's first "Happy Warrior" column for NRODT RIGHT NOW.
NRO, which fired Ann Coulter after her "invade their countries" column, probably would have hired her back, since they know how popular she is among perverts who want to see her naked. But after she called Jonah Goldberg a "girly-man," it made things too awkward.
So, they hired Ann Coulter-impersonator Mark Steyn (yes, this IS just like Victor/Victoria), who also calls for invading countries and killing leaders, but who has expressed only the highest regard for Jonah's manliness.
2. The return of Rush will happen within your lifetime (John McCaslin) :
This column has learned that Rush Limbaugh's painkiller-addiction "treatment is going extremely well" and "we are confident that, as he promised, Rush will be back on the air within a few days of completing his 30-day treatment program."
Yes, he does have to take a couple of days to score some more blue babies after he gets out, but then he's back on the air.
3 Our President is "HIS OLD SELF" (Also John McCaslin)
Minutes after the small group of reporters traveling with President Bush from Bali to Australia boarded Air Force One Wednesday - still dripping sweat from the scorching tropical sun - Press Secretary Scott McClellan popped into the press pod with an urgent message.
"Get ready," he said. "There's going to be a special briefer."
Normally, during presidential junkets, the White House sends an "expert" to the rear of the plane to brief reporters. Yesterday was different. The press would be going to the "special briefer."
A White House staff member led the eight scribes to a spacious conference room in the middle of the jumbo 747. Minutes later the president of the United States walked in.
"How y'all doing?" Bush asked, taking a seat at the head of the table.
"Want something to drink?" he asked one reporter.
"How we feeling?" he turned and asked another.
"I'd like a bottle of water," he told a flight attendant.
"Want something?" he asked them for a second time.
"It's going to be very long," he reminded the journalists.
"Coffee?" he said.
Fetching caffeine and snacks for reporters is nothing new for Bush. His first job upon graduating Yale in 1967 was accompanying a handful of reporters aboard a propeller-driven press plane during the Senate campaign of Rep. Edward J. Gurney (R-Fla.)
Described as "very cordial with the press," the 21-year-old Bush herded reporters on and off airplanes, into their hotel rooms, and back up again at 6 a.m.
Assured that reporters on Air Force One were sufficiently hydrated, Bush launched into a rare airborne discussion on everything from Iraq to North Korea. As he spoke, he played a shell game with reporters' tape recorders, shuffling them about the table.
You know, that's what we need in a leader: somebody who CARES whether or press corps gets enough fluids. Of course, while "fetching caffeine and snacks for reporters is nothing new for Bush," you'll note that it was the flight attendant who did the actual fetching. But it was the thought that counted.
And mixing up everybody's tape recorders is just another reason why Bush did so well in his first job as a Yale-educated gopher.
4. Bush Has Been Defeminized
Yes. while Bush DOES seem rather maternal as he reminds reporters to get enough water and to use the bathroom before they reach Australia, if you read the Arthur Bruzzonem article we talked about yesterday, you noted that George Bush is butch now. Sure, he USED to be feminized, in that he cared about kids who got left behind. But when the terrorists attacked, "His response was to exteriorize, retaliate, be aggressive, bold, and confident. Bush was de-feminized."
And retaliating is what being an alpha male is all about.
Anyway, all this talk about tough, action-movie leaders from Arthur, and yesterday's rant from Dennis Miller recommending that judges execute criminals right there in the court room, reminded me of that masterpiece from future California Governor Sylvestor Stallone (he defeats Arnold in a Death Race and wins the job), Judge Dredd.
And the movie reminded me that Scott, a noted expert on defeminization, and the only guy who can actually undertand what Sly says, did an excellent summary of this movie for our book-in-progress Subliminal Cinema: Life Lessons from Lousy Movies. So, I'm going to post this summary in the SUBLIMINAL CINEMA section to your left. Click on the link and read it NOW! (Or read it later, if you are really pressed for time now, but read it soon, and for the rest of your life.)
Here's the beginning, to get you started:
Our movie starts with the usual sci-fi film crawl, explaining the usual premise, narrated by the usual James Earl Jones. Climate’s gone bad. Nation's in chaos. People crowded into a mega-city (called Mega City), ruled by all-powerful Judges who are a combination of Police, Jury, and Executioner. Basically, we’re about to be hand-dipped in William Rehnquist’s most lubricious wet dream, so you might want to do what people at a Gallagher concert do, and huddle under a big plastic poncho.
Mega City is a dark, rainy, densely packed metropolis full of gun-toting psychopaths and a huge, riot-prone underclass. The filmmakers have taken great pains to vividly depict a bleak and joyless dystopia, so I think we can all agree that adding Rob Schneider to the scene is just redundant. Nevertheless, up he pops, playing the sort of part that Peter Lorre would have rejected as "too weaselly."
Click on the link on the left to read the life-affirming story of how Judge Dredd save Christmas and learns valuable lessons about just how annoying Rob Schneider can be. And, as a special bonus, at the end of the movie you'll get some of our patented tips on surviving the apocalypse! For this film, along with The Postman, Waterworld. and Battlefield Earth, are discussed in our chapter "It's the End of the World As We Know It And I Feel Fine But You're All Dead," which provides movie-related information on how YOU can prosper in the coming bad years, atomic wastelands, and mutant plagues. And if you work at HarperCollins or RandomHouse, drop us a line to learn how you can not only publish this book, but get extra tips that will ensure you not only live like a king in the post-W.W. III years, but don't have to breed with Kevin Costner while doing so.
3:06:20 AM 
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