Thank God It's Friday's TownHall
And to celebrate Friday, here are a peck of pickled pundits. The themes (or memes or screams) that seem to be bubbling up from the collective unconscious of the right are: "Democratic Rage" (as seen on such popular compaign websites as BushGore2004); "Help, I'm being repressed by the McCain-Feingold Act," "Bob Bartley is still dead," and "Al Gore's endorsement of Howard Dean is highly significant in that it means you shouldn't vote for any of the Democratic candidates."
We also have Ann Coulter demonstrating how to win friends and influence people, and Ollie North, this week's "Ann Coulter Runner-Up" (if Miss Congeniality is unable to fufill her duties, then Ollie will be tapped to take her place). And the usual gang of idiots.
Brent Bozell
NBC should not have rewarded a charlatan like Al Sharpton by letting him host "Saturday Night Live." [NOTES: A. We thought SNL was dead; B. We thought Al Sharpton was dead; and C. We consider hosting the current version of SNL more in the nature of a punishment than a reward.]
For "Saturday Night Live" and most of the chuckle-head political culture, livening up dreadful Democratic debates absolves all the horror.
Charles Krauthammer
As the ancient prophecy foretold, who'ere shall pull this sword from Al Gore is rightways born the Democratic nominee. Also, Doc. Krauthammer sees some of that Democratic rage.
But the special power of this endorsement is less structural than symbolic. The story of this campaign is the energy and anger of the Democratic base. It is the reason an unknown and undistinguished former governor of Vermont is now the front-runner. He bottled the anger.
The anger appears odd, given that George W. Bush is fairly mild-mannered. He is no Richard Nixon. Democrats did not hate him in 2000. Yet many hate him now because of 2000, because they believe his entire presidency to be illegitimate.
I don't hate George Bush because he's illegitimate (the sins of the father shouldn't necessarily be visited on the bastard, you know). I don't actually hate him at all. But around here, we believe that if you're going to steal the presidency, you have a duty to not suck at BEING the President. That's what accounts for my, um, peevishness about George.
David Limbaugh
The mainstream (and therefore, liberal) media cares more about ratings that enlightening its viewers! They are, like, big phonies! David also covers the "Democratic rage" meme.
Yet these people (ABC) -- righteously dedicated to furthering the public's right to know -- embarked upon a course designed to stir controversy and ratings while doing nothing to contribute to the public's edification on the candidates' policy positions, or presidential abilities or character. (I realize I already said this above, but I like this wording better, so back off.)
[snip]
We are talking about a party mired in self-pity and anger here at a time when we desperately need to direct our energies toward facing the challenges we face.
See, even though democracy WAS undermined, the social contract IS being shredded, international alliances ARE being shattered, the President DID lie, and the Bush administration DOES act with authoritarian impunity, the Dems are the jerks for being, you know, so negative. America needs leadership that is FACING challenges, even though it's the same leadership that caused most of the challenges in the first place.
Jeff Jacoby
As Jeff says, we might as well have elected Gore. (Well, we did, but . . .)
Elect Gore, the Republican predicted, and before you know it the federal government would be as bloated and malodorous as a beached whale under a hot sun. "He is proposing the largest increase in federal spending . . . since the presidency of Lyndon Baines Johnson," Bush warned.
[snip]
Even before signing a huge expansion of Medicare into law this week, Bush was presiding over record-busting levels of federal spending. Brian Riedl, an analyst at the Heritage Foundation, points out in a new monograph that government outlays in 2003 -- a staggering $2.15 trillion -- came to more than $20,000 per household. By that measure, government spending (in real dollars) is the highest it's been since World War II.
Jonah Goldberg
The McCain-Feingold Act is the bad kind of censorship, in that it prohibits attack ads bought with "soft money" from being aired or published during the month before an election. But keeping hardcore-porn off of network TV is the GOOD kind of censorship, in that it keeps the price of porn high, and allows porn kings to make a profit; just as keeping Nazis away from Career Day is good, because it gives the Young Republicans a monopoly on recruiting fascist youths.
Let me back-up for a second: We're all in favor of censorship. If you think it should be illegal for broadcast networks to program hardcore porn, you're in favor of censorship. If you don't think neo-Nazis should be allowed to make presentations at your kid's public school's career day, you are pro-censorship.
Ollie North
While it's difficult to find an overriding theme in Ollie's collection of lies, misstatements, and liberal bashing, I think his basic message is: Bill Clinton had sex! (See, I TOLD you he was poaching on Ann Coulter's territory.)
Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry, either attempting to appear "hip" or increase voter turnout among gang members, gave a profanity-laced interview to Rolling Stone magazine, saying that President Bush has "f---ed up" the war in Iraq.
Sounding more like Mike Tyson than a U.S. senator, Kerry's trash talk proved only that his wife's ketchup fortune can buy him $200 haircuts, but not class.
I guess an article using one "F-word" can be considered "profanity-laced," but only by someone whose background is felony-laced.
And note the skill in which Ollie brings in Kerry's nice hair and rich wife (while also dissing Mike Tyson for no apparent reason), to make the point that people who use bad language are classless. You know, like that guy, I mean, "that president" who said, "F--- Saddam" while a lady was trying to conduct a meeting, and who also called a reporter an "asshole."
At a hastily scheduled Harlem endorsement rally last Tuesday -- just down the road from his philandering friend, William the Zipper -- Gore praised Dean for making "the correct judgment about the Iraq war." Though Gore has yet to set foot in liberated Iraq or talk to the people who no longer have to live in Saddam's bondage, he declares that President Bush made a "catastrophic mistake" in Iraq and has led our country into a "quagmire." Had Gore not been escorted through Vietnam by bodyguards, he might know what a "quagmire" is.
I'm finding it hard to parse that last sentence, but I think Ollie is saying that since Al had "bodyguards" while serving in Vietnam, he is not qualified to call this quamire a "quagmire," just as Bush is not qualified to get us into one, since he was never in Vietnam at all.
Setting aside his substance, Dean's style puts him in the running for the John Kerry Award for Vulgarity in Politics. Dean pejoratively refers to the president as "this guy" and accuses the commander in chief, who has led us brilliantly in the war on terror, of not "understanding anything about defense."
So, kids, remember that referring to the president as "this guy" is a vulgar pejorative. (Calling him "That Girl" is okay, though.) And never say he doesn't understand defense! He's led this war BRILLIANTLY, and his groupie Ollie will shred anyone who says differently.
Mona Charen
"On Dec. 10, 2003, freedom took two body blows": the McCain-Feingold censoring act, and the death of Robert Bartley. Will society ever recover? And more importantly, where is Mona buying her metaphors?
This is "Vote for Sam Smith" -- the beating heart of our democracy.
[snip]
. . .whose death at age 66 leaves the world of ideas a bit wobbly, like losing one leg of a four-legged chair.
Ann Coulter
This week's column is one of Ann's typical screeds against almost everybody, but the gist of it seems to be: even though Howard Dean is a spineless coward and his supporters are "nosepickers," he will get 40% of the vote, because all of the lazy, grasping people on the "government payroll" (shiftless state and federal employees, incompetent teachers, the spongers getting food stamps, "greedy geezers" (i.e, members of the "Greatest Generation'), those parasites who get government contracts, etc.) will vote for the Democratic candidate.
But George Bush will still win the election, because the military will vote for him (which is why Bush "flew halfway around the globe to serve them turkey"). Their ballots will be augmented by those cast by Americans who vote against their own self-interests (these fine individuals, mostly Republicans, happen to think that voting for an idiot who acts against their interests is a noble act of self-sacrifice), and he'll capture 60% of the vote. And then the liberal media will say that he didn't do as well as predicted.
Oh, and liberals kill babies and hate Boy Scouts, while George Bush makes Ann get moist because he served his country in war time by "taking off in jets that fly at the speed of sound while training to be a fighter pilot in the Texas Air National Guard."
Whenever liberals all start singing from the same hymnal, they are up to no good. (Or since we're talking about American liberals here, maybe I should say, "when they all start reading from the same Quran.")
Emmett Tyrell
Bob Barlett is Emmett's most unforgettable character.
Bob had a beatific smile. . .
Debra Saunders
Al Gore hurt Joe Lieberman's feelings, and so nobody should vote for the candidate he endorsed. And Gore's rudeness shows why the court had to intervene in the 2000 election -- the damned peasants would have made an ungracious man like that our President!
Al Gore's endorsement of Howard Dean illustrates why Americans should be very grateful for the electoral college, which put George W. Bush in the White House even though Gore won the raw popular vote in 2000.
Rich Lowry
Those wacky Jews, Muslims, Hindus, etc., and their failure to celebrate Christmas!
By the late 20th century, Holiday had evolved into something close to its current version, in which no religious affiliations, symbols or meanings are allowed to interfere with the enjoyment of the Holiday Spirit
Rich Tucker
CAIR is denouncing fine Americans like Paul Harvey and Dr. Laura for bashing Islam, and yet they had a suspected terrorist who belonged to a group under investigation for possibly being terrorist within their very organization, and they never denounced him!
Back in April 2002, CAIR posted an on-line poll asking if Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon should be charged with war crimes. 94 percent of some 500 voters said “Yes.” Until, that is, famed blogger Glenn Reynolds referred to the poll on his Instapundit Web site.
Within hours, more than 10,000 people had voted in the poll, and 94 percent were against trying Sharon. Faced with such a public outcry, CAIR claimed its site had been hijacked, and took the poll down. Like too many pressure organizations, CAIR can dish it out, but can’t take it.
Well, to be fair, not that many people CAN take Instapundit.
And that concludes this edition of "TownHall's Greatest Hits From This Date in History." We hope you have found it edifying, in that you will watch your language when referring to the President, and will be more upbeat and cheerful about his bungling, deception, and efforts to usher in Armageddon.
4:48:14 AM
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