The New Town Hall Review
We haven't done a summary of the TownHall columns for a while. So, let's do one right now!
Rich Tucker
Rich deplores all that political correctness on campus, and longs for the good old days when everybody loved it when frat boys wore black face, and when it was a requirement that garage mechanics teach their apprentices about the beauties of the female form through girlie photos.
And in any event, shouldn't Wellington get to see all there is to see in a typical garage before he agrees to work there? Better to get used to the naked pictures now than after he’s hired on full time.
Edwin Feulner
The reason our kids isn't learning is that the teachers who are supposed to educationalize them use jargon that nobody conceptulates, and that creates adverse consequences. Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling.
All this jargon is specifically designed to be confusing. “It reinforces the divide between schools and families,” education consultant Anne Henderson told The Washington Post. “Parents are like, ‘What in the world does all this mean?’”
Doug Giles
You should just read the Sadly, No! deconstruction of this column. But here's mine anyway:
Doug's daughters, whom he sends to school to become "alpha females" in the 3 R's, are witnesses to "things from fellow students that single sailors on leave in Borneo don’t see and hear" (presumably, algebra and lesbian threesomes). And if that wasn't bad enough, the girls were also exposed to "'It’s Okay to Be Gay' propaganda presented by high school students."
Doug is mad as hell that "the innocence you work your butts off trying to provide your kids is being eroded" by the public schools. (Back in my day, kids worked their butts off to provide their OWN innocence -- but kids today are too lazy to get OFF their butts, and expect to be handed innocence on silver platter.)
Doug recommends that you meet your children's teachers, principals, and counselors, and tell each them that you do NOT want your kids to be okay with gayness. And if that doesn't work, send your children to the more innocent clime of Borneo, to hang out with single sailors on shore leave.
Teachers and kids can’t talk about Jesus Christ, Moses or Biblical ethics -- at least not in a positive, plausible sense -- in the classroom. But it’s just fine to talk about Timmy and Tommy, the Testicle Twins?
Kathleen Parker
John Edwards is dreamy! He's just like Bush, but smart -- and way nicer than that stuck-up hippie, John Kerry. You Democrats should all vote for him!
Kerry may have the statesman's DNA and the veteran's resume, but Edwards has the common touch at a time when change is rustling the kudzu. Compared to both Kerry and Bush, Edwards is like a bright shiny penny: no tarnish, no lengthy voting record to defend, no smoke.
William F. Buckley
The Iraqis are unacquainted with democracy, and so we need to instruct them (through military force if necessary) not to vote for Howard Dean.
What then happened was a slide in Democratic public opinion from exhilarated, enthusiastic endorsement, in the direction of Mr. McEntee's judgment that Dr. Dean was, well, nuts. Democratic revaluation began to set in, and Governor Dean moved from overwhelming favorite to bedraggled third place.
That kind of corrective renewal bolsters faith in the tactical achievements of democratic practice. How can these be understood in Iraq, let alone appreciated and absorbed? The 20th century lunacy of one-man one-vote is a heavier potion of democratic elixir than the Iraqis can swallow. But can they be brought to understand that?
Robert Novak
Bush is not going to dump Cheney, even though Cheney is the one who outed Valerie Plame. Bill Frist wants the job of VP, but his plan to eliminate Cheney by mailing him ricin was foiled by an intern.
The most constant variant of these reports has Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist replacing Cheney. Frist had no part in stirring up such speculation, but one of his financial backers in his home state of Tennessee is responsible for helping to spread the rumor.
Neil Cavuto
Whenever Neil hears a politician rail against tax cuts, he shows them a dollar bill and asks them how much of that dollar bill the average American worker should get.
As I'm folding the dollar by a third, or half or more, I continue making my point. "Is this enough? Maybe a little more? More still? What do you think?"
The politicians are dumbfounded at the fact that Neil has a dollar, and never answer.
It's a telling demonstration that any kid could understand, but politicians loathe. And they loathe it because of its simplicity. So do me a favor, and ask your congressman or senator, "How much of my money do you think is fair to take?"
Or do ME a favor and ask Neil how much of that dollar he'd just blow on hookers and drugs if he was allowed to keep it.
Richer Americans, those horrible tax dodgers, as some liberals will attest, well, they don't seem to dodge much. They fork over much more. When all is said and done, they pay closer to 55 percent of what they make when you throw in all those taxes.
Of course, that still leaves them several million more dollars than YOU have, but that's not the point. The point is that Neil can fold a dollar.
Mona Charen
Instead of reforming foster care, bring back orphanages!
A variety of sports teams, music education and cultural enrichment can be provided to the children, as well as regular classes (though it may be overoptimistic to think that the education would be any better than it is at other government schools).
And that's TownHall for this weekend. And here are the lessons you should have learned from it: You can entertain children and politicians for hours by folding a simple dollar bill. Demand that colleges stop disapproving of black face and Playboy centerfolds. Jargon bad; John Kerry and orphanages good. And just say no to being okay with gayness.
11:51:26 PM 
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