Fighting Indecency
FOWo'C David E. alerted us to our dream job: watching TV and writing down the naughty words! And getting paid for it! (Well, our real dream job is to watch dirty movies and take notes on the "suggestive eye movements" and "excessive cleavage," but the CAP guy already has that one sewn up.)
The new dream job is all explained in this LA Times article:
ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Across the Potomac from Capitol Hill, on the second floor of a red brick-and-glass building, Caroline Eichenberg toils away in her homey cubicle, watching television. Monday through Friday, 7 1/2 hours a day, she keeps tabs on dramas, sitcoms and reality shows.
It would be a slacker's dream job in any other workplace. Here at the Parents Television Council, though, it's called intelligence gathering. In the battle for America's airwaves, Eichenberg and her fellow analysts deliver the data to wage an increasingly effective, and controversial, assault on prime-time "indecency."
The half a dozen analysts are all college graduates, usually between 22 and 30 and unmarried [and virgins], like Eichenberg. Many of them are Christians and hold ideals of making a difference.
The rest just needed a job -- and where else can you make $27,000 a year for watching TV?
Here's an example of what the job entails:
Self-possessed and modest in earphones and a yellow sweater set, Eichenberg is cataloging the contents of the previous evening's episode of "NYPD Blue," entering the information into the council's computerized entertainment tracking system. A monitor, VCR, keyboard and reference materials lie within reach.
Part of her job is to classify instances of murder, sexual liaisons and racy dialogue in broad categories like "sex" or "violence," then cross-reference them in dozens of explicitly detailed subcategories.
She watches scenes of the crime and the detectives interviewing a suspect. She types, rewinds, types.
"Topic: Language. 1. Piss…. Topic: Violence. 1. Suicide. 2. Murder…. Topic: Political. 1. Abortion.
"Analysis: Carla's dead body is lying on the ground…."
I don't watch "NYPD Blue," and so don't know what this description might refer to, but it sounds like Carla had an abortion, realized that abortion is murder and said, "Oh, piss!", and then committed suicide in shame. She admitted it all while being interviewed by the detective. So, this scene would get a score of 22 on the CAPometer, along with a scriptural reminder that God wants you to stone impudent teens.
No, wait, that's the CAP grading system. This is how the Parent's Television Council does it:
To guide analysis of shows' contents, the group has prepared a one-page reference matrix with criteria for rating language, sex and violence.
On the list for offensive language, for instance, eight words fall in the "red" unsuitable zone, 11 in the "yellow" warning zone and just three in the "green" safe zone. The council assumes all swear words are offensive, some more so than others, and some more troubling within certain communities. The quantity intensifies the effect, they say: If the mild "green" words ("crap," "hell" and "damn") occur more than five times in a half hour, their status is bumped up to "yellow."
Hey, CAP uses traffic lights too! Instead of trying to hit me up for money all the time, Thomas the CAP guy should just sue Brent Bozell and get some of those Heritage Foundation bucks.
(Oh, and using the PTC guidlines, this blog would get a green light for language except that we have Crap in our title more than five times in a half hour. So, we're gong to hell.)
And speaking of Townhall favorite Brent Bozell . . .
Founder and president Brent Bozell is known in conservative circles as a feisty commentator and founder of the right-leaning Media Research Center.
He is also known for looking like Dr. Zaius. (I would find the Sadly, No! entry which brought this fact to everybody's attention, but I'm too lazy -- now that Seb is all rested up from all that time in the hospital, let HIM do it.)
[Update: Seb came through; I don't know why more bloggers don't make him do their work for them. He notes that not only does Brent look like Dr. Zaius, he looks like Montreal Expos mascot Youppi! as well!]
The nephew of William F. Buckley Jr., Bozell is also the executive director of a political action committee that funds conservative candidates.
Bozell says the crude sexuality of the halftime show and the commercials that surrounded it were nothing new. "What was shocking about it was, for the first time all of America saw what we were talking about."
They've been talking about Janet Jackson's breast for years? That's either eerily prescient of them, or really, really creepy.
Anyway, while Brent heads both the Parents Television Council and the Media Research Center, and they share the same space, Bozell says the council "is strictly nonpartisan."
As evidence of its bipartisan support, the council often cites the late Steve Allen, who served as honorary chairman emeritus of its advisory board, and Sen. Joseph Lieberman, a member of that board until his nomination in 2000 for vice president.
Yes, having a dead Democrat serve as honorary chairman emeritus DOES show a nonpartisan spirit.
And while you may think that a bunch of repressed young adults checking off forms to rate the language and sexual innuendo in network programming couldn't do much damage, sadly this isn't the case.
The group claimed its first big victory in March when the FCC responded to its persistent lobbying and ruled that a vulgarity casually uttered by U2's Bono during the 2003 Golden Globe Awards violated indecency and profanity prohibitions.
That came on the heels of Janet Jackson's breast-baring Super Bowl halftime dance; by the organization's own estimate, a quarter of the 530,828 complaints that poured in afterward came from its members or those informed of the performance by the group's e-mail alert.
And how can this small group of conservative foundation-funded censors wield this much power?
Simple: the FCC are a bunch of spineless bureaucrats who react to spamming by caving in.
[Robert Corn-Revere, a lawyer representing a coalition which includes the ACLU and Viacom] suggests that the council, rather than representing most Americans, as it claims, actually churns out complaints that represent its own socially conservative agenda.
As an example, he points to figures from the FCC: In 2000, commissioners received 111 complaints about 101 shows. Last year, they fielded 240,350 complaints, most of them about only nine programs, all of which were targeted on the group's website. (Sample wording: "Flood the FCC with thousands of indecency complaints." "Your urgent action is needed!" "Buffy the Vampire Slayer Mocks Christian Faith During Holy Week.")
Well, I happen to think that EVERYONE is concerned about Buffy mocking Christian Faith -- because when vampire slayers turn seculist, your society is pretty much doomed. It's right there in the Bible.
FCC Chairman Michael Powell clearly had the organization in mind recently when he told members of the National Assn. of Broadcasters in Las Vegas that he can't help but respond to those who "spam" him with complaints. "You get an advocacy group that purports to speak for a huge audience and they will have the members write you and the members have heard what that association tells them is the problem…. There's a tendency in our system to focus on the part making all the noise."
And the FCC has no choice but to give in to squeaky wheels, and to respond to spam by buying caseloads of Cialis.
Anway, just for fun, I checked out the Parents Television Council website, and found that the first thing that greets you is a form that makes it super easy to "File an FCC Complaint." Gone are the days when Grandpa Simpson had to laboriously type his rants to networks and advertisers ("I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals, who remember the gold old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive.") Now it's just a matter of selecting options from the form, filling in a few words, and pushing the send button. It made me want to complain about something, just to try it out.
The site also informs us that "The O.C" is the "Worst of the Week" ("Underage drinking, teen sex and pregnancy, prostitution, strippers, and gambling on a teen-targeted show.") You should probably complain to the FCC about it.
In conclusion, here's part of Brent's column for the week:
Lost in the hype over the wildly overpublicized finale of "Friends" was its legacy: horny sex chat is now part of the family hour. Because of "Friends," parents now have the unwelcome opportunity to explain (or more likely, dance around explaining) things like premature ejaculation to grade-schoolers.
That's always the problem with TV these days: it's always making you explain things to your kids!
"Daddy, what is that thing on Janet Jackson's front?"
"It's called a breast, son -- women have them so they can feed babies and work at Hooters. But I didn't want you to have to learn about them this way -- it should have been a special gift on your wedding night."
"Mummy, why did the man on NPR say a swear?"
"Because he's reading a work by a famous playwright -- and because NPR is run by liberals who are all godless heathens who have abortions. Children, let's all complain to their omsbudsman for our family fun project for the day."
Anyway, Brent, this is how you address that "Friends/premature ejaculation" thing:
"Daddy, why, after Ross told Rachel, 'No, you just rolled over the juice box,' did Rachel say, 'Thank God'"?
"Because she didn't like that flavor of juicebox, Brentina."
Or, you could just equip your TV with an "off" switch, I suppose.
7:13:52 AM 
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