Better Living Through Comics
Okay, for today's attempt at telling the future by examining the entrails of comic strips, I am giving you your choice of FOUR classic cartoons. (If you know in your heart that you are guilty of jumping the gun on the Family Circus predicting, you should explicate more than one of these strips to atone for yor sins. But we're on the honor system here, so Thersites and Chris V. should just listen to their collective conscience and do what it tells them to.)
The Comic Strip Options Are:
1. Gasoline Alley (a strip about Jeffy Kean's golden years, as far as I can tell).
Uncle Walt, a grotesque-looking old guy with his tongue hanging out, is in the arms of morpheus. A middle-aged guy tries to wake him up for breakfast. Uncle Walt says, "The trouble with you alarm clocks is you go off when I'm asleep."
2. Mary Worth, a comic strip about the world's foremost busybody.
Apparently Joan is still sexually harassing Erik Estrada. Will husband John's flowers and guilt-inducing note be enough to cause her to rethink her plan to force Erik to commit adultery with her? And where is Mary this week? My guess: comforting Nancy Reagan.
3. Rex Morgan, M.D. -- Making mental health issues FUN! (There's no sign of Rex in today's strip -- he may have died years ago, and the other characters hushed it up so they could keep collecting his social security checks.)
"Tony has a BOTTLE?" asks a freckled-faced girl with really short hair.
"He ALWAYS has a bottle, Kristi ... You KNOW that," replies dreadlocked dude.
"NOT ON THE RIVER, BILLY!" exlaims Kristi. Kristi is really upset, as indicated by the "intensity" lines shooting out of her head, and the fact that her index finger has grown so long that it won't fit in the frame.
Dreadlocked Dude indicates that Tony is his boss, so he can't rat on him. There is some discussion about what might happen if Tony is "wasted when the water comes" (?), and we are reminded that he has a bottle.
Meanwhile ... the word on the street is that Connor is a good kid, but is really angry about something.
4. Steve Roper and Mike Nomad: a gay marriage that works.
Evil swarthy men wearing headbands have kidnapped the sexy granddaughter of billionaire J.P. Vetty. They are demanding a $50 million ransom, which they intend to use to fund their terrorist network. Steve Nomad meets with Homeland Security, while the grandaughter (who goes by the improbable name of "Kassey Kannon") banters with one of her captors.
Can Steve save Kassey before Stockholm Syndrome sets in and she changes her name to Tanya Terror and helps the gang set up an Amway webpage? Will she escape with both her ears? Developing . . .
P.S.
Perhaps one or more of these stories from Google News has something to do with the above comic strips -- it's your call:
1
. Reagan Entombed at Calif. Hilltop Library
Guardian - 10 hours ago
LOS ANGELES (AP) - Ronald Reagan's body was sealed inside a tomb Saturday ...
2A. Bush Fetes Father's 80th After Mourning Reagan
Reuters - 4 hours ago
HOUSTON, Texas (Reuters) - President Bush Saturday celebrated the 80th birthday of his father, the 41st US president, just one day after bidding farewell to the 40th, ...
2B. Elder Bush celebrates 80th in sky
Seattle Times - 35 minutes ago
HOUSTON More than 5,000 people helped former President George HW Bush celebrate his 80th birthday last night
3. Barry Launches Bid for DC Council
Washington Post - 4 hours ago
Former mayor Marion Barry yesterday formally declared his candidacy for the DC Council seat in Ward 8, saying he is emerging from political retirement to save his community ...
4. Nader's finances questioned
Boston Globe - 10 minutes ago
WASHINGTON -- Since October, Ralph Nader has run his campaign for president out of the same downtown Washington offices that through April housed a public charity he created, an overlap that campaign ...
And if you're so smart, name this daily comic strip:
As always, should you or any member of your IM force be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions. But as for me, I am really, really tired. More Wo'C later.
2:24:28 AM 
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