Townhall Review: Ronald Reagan is Still Dead
But he's still alive if we remember him in our hearts. (Shorter Brent Bozell: "How DARE the media try to balance their coverage by talking to people who don't like Reagan -- he's DEAD, after all." Last week's Bozell: "How DARE the media say only nice things about Reagan now that he's dead, when 20 years ago they said mean things." Next week's Bozell: "How DARE the media stop talking about Reagen -- he's still dead, after all."))
But even though Reagan is dead, life must go on, and some pundits must find new topics to whine about.
Ben Shapiro
Young Ben demands that American Jews abandon the Democratic Party because "in a world teetering on the brink of disaster, blind loyalty to a false cause can no longer be afforded." Ben claims that the Democratic Party is anti-Semitic (as manifested by Robert Byrd having been a "Grand Kleagle" in the KKK) and secular -- factors that make it virtually identical to the Nazi Party. Plus, Democrats are basically the same thing as radical Muslims, and you know how THEY are.
Ben assures his co-religionists that they shouldn't be afraid to embrace Republicanism just because it's the stronghold of evangelical Christians who hold that Jews are going to hell. It turns out that those evangelicals are great people who really make Ben feel at home -- they are much more moral and sympatico than, say, Reform Jews. Ben supports the Bush/Rove plan to make fundamental Christianity the nation's official religion -- and so should all other Jews, if they know what's good for them.
Leftists like to say that all religious people are on the same side, but no bigger lie has ever been told. The open, life-affirming quality of the American Judeo-Christian ideology is directly opposed to the murderous ideology of radical Islam.
And today, just as then, it is secularists who pose the most extreme threat to the Jewish people. It is the secularists of France who ally with Muslim fanatics bent on a second Holocaust. It is the American secularists who defend the rights of terrorists bent on murder and destruction. It is the moral relativists of the American left who excuse terrorism based on the notion of diverse worldviews and hold up the United Nations as a moral paragon.
President Bush and the American right have been the best friends to the Jewish community in the annals of modern history.
Rebecca Hagelin
Accepting Ronald Reagan as our personal savior.
Ronald Reagan's faith and policies brought forth such tremendous victories on behalf of freedom that his presidency came to be known as the "Reagan Revolution." How fitting it would be if, from his death, there emerged a second "Reagan Revolution" – one that would restore a belief in the Creator as the source of unconditional love and liberty.
How fitting would it be for a dead actor/politician to became a modern Christian prophet? Um, not very, IMHO.
Jonah Goldberg
Since Osama bin Laden isn't a signatory to the Geneva Conventions, we don't have to treat Iraqi prisoners humanely if we don't want to -- and we certainly don't have to let them romance blonde frauleins and have secret tunnels and radio transmitters, as mandated by the Hogan's Heroes Accord.
If you sign a contract with your neighbor agreeing that neither of you will plant stinky ginkgo trees on your property, that contract is binding on you and your neighbor. It's not binding for the guy who lives across the street.
Well, Osama bin Laden lives across the street.
Therefore, we can invade up his neighbors' houses because we think they were cheating on the "no stinky ginkgo trees" pact and may have had atomic stinky ginkgo trees pointed right at us -- even though there is no evidence of that. And while we're there, we can rough up those neighbors if we want to (even though they did sign the pact), because they might secretly be ginkgo lovers.
We've all seen countless WWII movies about how soldiers out of uniform can be shot as spies under the Geneva Convention. Well, all of al-Qaida's soldiers are spies.
And, since we have a hard time figuring out just who the al-Qaida spies are because they aren't wearing uniforms, per the WWII Movie conventions, we can just shoot all Muslims.
Kathleen Parker
O.J. Simpson and Bill Clinton were in the news this week. Per Kathleen, this shows how stupid people are, because since O.J. killed his wife and Clinton had extramarital sex, nobody should care about them ever again. No, the only topic worthy of your attention this week is Ronald Reagan's deadness.
Surely bracing to Clinton, given the inevitable comparisons, was the persistent image of Mrs. Reagan mournfully stroking the flag draped over her husband's casket. Kind of makes you want to curl up into a little fetal ball and murmur "mama." Or bask in the glow of people too startled by starlight to notice naked narcissism.
Um, whatever you say, Kathleen.
Michelle Malkin
Four foreigners admitted to the U.S. under asylum claims turned out to be terrorists. The latest one was from Somali. While not all Somalis and asylum seekers are terrorists,there's no evidence that they're not. We shouldn't let any more foreigners into our country, and should probably deport all the ones that are already here. You know, just to be safe.
The feds deserve credit for tracking down asylum abusers suspected of terrorism. But homeland security would be easier to achieve if they did a better job of keeping murderous frauds out in the first place.
Walter E. Williams
Rich old men can use their money to buy the affections of beautiful, shallow young women. Walter applauds this, because it shows the free market in action. However, a law professor wants to end the practice of "ladies' nights" in bars, claiming they are gender-based discrimination. This is an assault on our freedom to not be serfs, because if businesses can't use cheap drinks to lure women into their establishments, then men seeking out locales full of drunken women are the ones who will suffer.
Here's my question to you. Once Banzhaf ends up getting ladies' night outlawed in the other 40 states, do you think he'll be finished? I wouldn't bet the rent money on it. The reasoning Banzhaf uses in attacking nightclub practice of charging ladies cheaper prices is also applicable to: airlines charging children and tourists cheaper prices than adults and businessmen, businesses and other entities charging seniors cheaper prices than younger people, and theaters charging cheaper matinee prices than evening prices.
Okay, I can kind of see the "age discrimination" angle of Williams argument about child plane fares and senior citizen movie tickets, but airlines don't have special "businessmen" tickets that cost more based on one's professional status. And who is being discriminated against because matinee theater prices are cheaper -- people who can stay up late?
The bottom line here isn't ladies' night or smoking. It's how we Americans are allowing tyrants to attack our liberties. If we allow them to continue, once we wake up we won't have enough freedom to stop them from turning us into a nation of serfs.
And then droit du seignior goes into effect, and you can say good-bye to your chances of ever getting any women.
So, Townhall -- the thin blue line keeping America safe from serfdom.
3:46:00 AM 
|
