Wing Nut Appetizer Platter
Here's a sampler of wingnut pundits, some of whom might be new to you, for you to try out in the privacy of your own home. Then, if there are any that you like, we can revisit them in the future.
1. Matt C. Abott
"Matt C. Abbott is the former executive director of the Illinois Right to Life Committee and the former director of public affairs for the Chicago-based Pro-Life Action League." He is also a contributor to many of your finer loony rightwing sites, such as Renew America and MichNews, and several Catholic sites.
In his current column he explains how Rush could have saved his marriage by using the rhythm method -- you know, if he was actually having sex with Marta.
I obviously don’t know what caused the break-up of Rush’s marriage(s), but I do think there is an oft-overlooked, indirect factor in many broken marriages: the use of contraception.
Matt quotes "Dr. Janet E. Smith, Chair of Life Issues at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in Detroit, who quotes "social scientist Robert Michael" to explain why using contraceptives dooms your marriage. To wit:
- Couples who use contraception have fewer children. "Dr. Smith observes that married couples who have children 'become better people…almost instantaneously.'” Better people don't get divorced -- worse people do.
- Since the invention of contraceptives, adultery has become much more popular. People have always wanted to have affairs, but were afraid of the resulting bastards. "But if most every woman is contracepting, then most every woman is available in a certain sense and there is no real reason to say no."
- By using contraception, women aren't forced to have a baby every nine months, and so are able to work outside the home and become more financially independent. So, since they aren't economically dependent on their husbands, they can leave the marriage when things get bad. And this is very, very wrong.
However, the rhythm method doesn't damage your marriage like contraception does because it doesn't work. Therefore, if Rush had used it, he would have been blessed with kids and would have immediately become a better person; he wouldn't have had an affair (hey, I'm interpreting Matt's argument, I'm not implying anything); and Marta would have been barefoot and pregnant, and therefore unable to afford to leave him.
Look, I do realize there are several factors that can contribute to a divorce. But I would submit that if married couples would use Natural Family Planning instead of contraception, far fewer of them would end up in divorce court.
Perhaps even Rush would still be married.
Works for me!
2. Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson.
"The Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson is founder and president of BOND" -- its continuing mission: to fight SPECTRE and have kinky sex with Pussy Galore and Holly Goodhead.
Rev. Peterson's latest column is about how gays should quit comparing their quest for civil rights with that of African-Americans, because nobody has ever discriminated against gays -- but they should, because homosexuals are perverts.
Homosexuality is not about love, it's not about family, and it's not about civil rights. It's about sex – and selfishness. It's about pleasure at the price of morality and dignity, with reckless disregard for the raising of the young and for the traditional family unit. In many cases, it's about imposing a perverse lifestyle on a society based on close adherence to traditional Judeo-Christian values.
And since people choose to become homosexuals just for the sex and selfishness, they don't DESERVE to get married -- especially because they will never use the rhythm method, and so their marriages will fail.
3. Paul M. Weyrich
Paul is, of course, "Chairman and CEO of the Free Congress Research and Education Foundation." And someday Congress will be free at last.
This week Paul is lamenting about how nobody is writing letters to Congress to complain about gay marriage the way they were supposed to. He urges you to get off your duff and do it -- unless you WANT your grandchildren to live in Sodom and Gomorra, or Scandinavia.
If homosexual "marriage" becomes legal in America, that means is the state will almost certainly have to step in if the child's parent falls ill, loses their job, or simply is unable to work and provide for their child.
And helping children in need is not what this country is all about. That's why we must fight gay marriage -- so that only children from heterosexual marriages are allowed to starve without aid from the state.
There is simply no way America can remain a strong, self-reliant, God-fearing country and have states recognize homosexuals as being "married."
[...]
What kind of world you would like your children and grandchildren to inherit? Do you want it to be one in which there are no permanent values, no certainties? Where absolutely anything goes because homosexual "marriage" will be legal?
Yes, if same sex marriage is legal, then nothing is taboo. As demonstrated by how it's acceptable to marry puppies, and then kill and eat them in Massachusetts now.
Or do you want one in which the Ten Commandments are honored...where real families — mother, father and their children — are recognized and respected for being essential to the well being of society?
If FAKE families are recognized and respected, then why even bother to have a real one?
And in a world where the Ten Commandments are honored, gays won't be allowed to marry because ... um, God doesn't approve of coveting. Yeah, that's the ticket.
4. Paula Devlin
"Paula Devlin is a former New Englander who bolted to the Rocky Mountain West where the air is clear, the stars are brilliant and men still put their pants on one leg at a time." She is known for her knowledge of how men put on pants, and her hatred of illegal immigrants.
Today she is up-in-arms about her Congressman's comments on the "Undocumented Alien Emergency Medical Assistance Amendment of 2004 (H.R. 3722)." Per Paula, "This bill was not about denying emergency medical services to these parasites and freeloaders, but about keeping track of them and making someone, other than the much-abused taxpayers, responsible for the tab." And if some of those parasites would be scared to get treatment because of this amendment, and/or got reported to the INS after their emergency care, well, "What’s wrong with deporting these thieves? They can take their families with them."
Mr. Congressman goes on to say that requiring this information would discourage the miscreant from seeking care for illnesses that could harm others. By time they get around to getting medical attention, one can only wonder how many have been infected with diseases that had been eradicated in the States.
. . . Without effective border control and careful screening of all passers, this is a self-serving, globalist argument. Thousands come across the borders legally on a daily basis without any medical screenings. We have so much produce shipped in by Mexican trucks, who knows what is coming across? There is certainly nothing to prevent disease from coming in on produce, such as the Mexican scallions that sickened so many people. Who can say that imported produce would not be used to carry biological WMD’s? (They already carry drugs.) Is anyone even checking? The borders should be as tightly controlled as the airports.
If I'm following Paula's argument correctly, she is saying that giving sick illegal aliens medical care so they don't spread illnesses to legal residents is stupid because these parasites could have already infected lots of people, there are many other contagious aliens out there, and Mexican trucks are carrying hepatitis, drugs, and "biological WMDs," so why even bother to treat any plague carriers who may be caring for your children or fixing your lunch.
Our elected officials are certainly not responsive to their constituents. If the 331 congressmen who voted against the passage of this legislation had been representing their constituents it would have passed.
Are these congressional delegates adhering to another agenda that is inimical to the best interests of the Republic? One might even conjecture that they are recipients of campaign contributions from organizations such as La Raza, which actively advocates the repatriation of the Southwest to Mexico. (La Raza recruits on college campuses and is alleged to have associations with the Palestine Liberation Organization [PLO]).
Yup, those 331 congressmen are probably in the pay of La Raza, and members of al Qaeda. They don't deserve medical care either!
5. Mystery Pundit
Our Mystery Date "draws on his life's roller coaster of experiences." He is the author of Seven Things I Hate About Satan. His latest column is about how the best Biblical prophets were sarcastic, obnoxious jerks, much like the blowhards you can see on Fox News.
Hey, PC police! These Holy Spirit inspired men of the Bible were godly figures of great antagonism who insisted on battling bogus belief systems and telling the truth, frequently at the expense of a person’s person.
And get this: it was God, acting like your naughty big brother who goaded you to throw the family cat into the pigeon coop. Right! It was God who egged His vessels on to give offense. Give it … it’s a gift.
[...]
From a communication standpoint, the prophets, patriarchs, warriors and wild men of scripture were more like Bill O’Reilly … even Chris Rock minus Rock’s blue material.
I'll leave it to you if you want to accept a theology where God is like your bratty older brother, and His prophets are like Bill O'Reilly.
But since you've undoubtedly guessed the identity of our masked preacher, lets review some of this week's awful alliteration, precious pop culture references, and astounding analogies.
As I see it, much of the clergy, the church, Christian music and Christian literature have become pathetically soft and have lost their holy punch.
If you don’t believe me, then take this Nestea challenge: From now on when you read the scripture, pay close attention when you land on a chunk of text in which Moses, Joshua, David, Elijah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, John the Baptist, Paul or Jesus is engaged in dialogue with an idiotic idolater, a pompous Pharisee or a vacillating vixen.
My favorite bits are Jesus telling off the haughty hypocrites, the self-righteous scribes, and the rich Republicans.
Many of our Biblical heroes, especially the emcees of the various main events, were holy satirists … mental and spiritual heavyweights with a verbal whip that they didn’t mind using on whomever, whenever it was necessary.
Yes, those heroes were much like Bill O'Reilly or Chris Rock ... or Doug Giles! Funny how I never noticed that before while reading the Bible.
Anyway, Doug's ClashPoint is that we should all watch St. Dennis Miller this week, so MSNBC doesn't cancel his show.
Well, that was our sample-sized smorgasbord of wingnuts for today. If there are any you would like to see revisited in the future, vote for them in the comments section below. Of course, write-in votes are always welcome too.
3:18:18 AM 
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