Short Takes
1. One of Michelle Malkin's adorable vingettes about life chez Malkin:
Scenes from the Malkin household..."Mommy, if you were a Care Bear, which Care Bear would you be?"
"Hmmm. Let me think about that."
answer
Michelle's "answer" is Grumpy Bear ("Grumpy Bear frowns a lot—that's his way to show us how silly we look when we frown too much"). Not totally inappropriate -- but only because Hateful Bimboette Bear isn't one of the choices.
2. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach has met the enemy, and the enemy is slutty.
But in the post-Madonna universe, even highly original performers like Janet Jackson now feel the pressure to expose their bodies on television in order to sell albums. This, in turn, has spawned the lascivious careers of copycats Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, who, together with Madonna, comprise modern-day music's axis of evil.
And since the sanctions just aren't working, Britney must be invaded.
3. Amber Pawlik, explaining how this war is really very simple.
What is going on in the Middle East is not difficult or complex. These Muslim terrorists are evil; we are good; and we should not hesitate to wipe them off the face of the earth, like we did the NAZIs.
We are over-thinking this war, and it’s time to stop it. The reason why we are over-thinking it is because the left is forcing us too.
Damn liberals, always making us think and stuff!
4. Here's the first paragraph of a 700 Club story entitled "I Do'… And You Die!"
Art and Lysa TerKeurst married out of wedlock, hoping to redeem their past sins and fulfill their needs for love. But wedded bliss eluded them and Lysa fervently prayed that her husband would die.
See, this is what happens when you get married out of wedlock! And sadly, Lysa didn't even have enough faith for her prayers to be answered -- it's good she sought help from the 700 Club.
5. Oh, and speaking of the 700 Club, here's Pat Robertson, responding to a question about whether Saddam will get a harsher punishment than those who "lived decent lives outside of Christ."
The thing you don't realize is that sin is sin. It is probably no worse to kill somebody than it is to slander him or her.
So, the good person who wasn't a Christian will be punished by God just as harshly as the arch-fiend Saddam, that guy with the rape rooms who put people through the shredder.
I wonder if those torture plans signed off on by the Bush administration were based on this same principle -- you know, since all the Iraqis are Moslems we know upfront that they are sinners, and so we can go ahead and abuse them because they obviously deserve it, even if they aren't technically terrorists.
Anyway, instead of slandering Pat, we might as well just kill him, since it's all the same to God.
6. Gary Aldrich is still living with his paranoid fantasies about the Clintons:
The word on Capitol Hill is that Senator Hillary and all her staff, which mainly consists of unhappy-looking young women with perpetually frowning facial masks, have made a pact that all shall wear black pantsuits on a daily basis. This is because today’s enlightened women (read Feminists) can’t be bothered thinking about what to wear as they rise in the morning. They have more important things to think about. For example, like how to take over the world in 2008.
Yes, Hillary and her army of frowny-masked women attired in black pantsuits are plotting to take over the world. Where is Derek Flint when you need him?
And it's clearly unnatural (and an offense against God) for women to wear the same thing everyday, like MEN -- it's undoubtedly a sign that they are satanists or something.
Republicans have always been known for their beautiful women. So I imagine Bill suffered greatly from his visit to the White House on Sunday. On some level, he surely knows that Republican women are never found throwing themselves at rock stars or serial philanderers, but then again hope springs eternal.
What Gary means is that Republican women are never throwing themselves at HIM, and he imagines it's because they are too chaste and spiritual to ever endulge in that kind of thing. All children born to Republican women are conceived by the Holy Ghost.
7. And here's Jerry Falwell quoting Gary Bauer as he urges us to politely threaten our senators ("The politicians in Washington must be made to fear for their political lives!") so they will vote for the Federal Marriage Amendment. Because if it doesn't pass, then life as we know it will cease to exist.
"The failure to pass an amendment," said Mr. Bauer, "will give a green light to liberal judges all across the country and the consequences will be devastating. The words 'husband' and 'wife' will be meaningless. Homosexual adoption will be instantly legalized, and generations of children will be raised in wholly unnatural environments – deprived of ever having the benefit of a mother and a father. The public schools will teach your children that two men 'marrying' each other are morally equivalent to one man and one woman. It's legal, so it must be OK! Our kids will be taught how to perform 'safe sodomy' in their sex education classes. Churches will be pressured to either abandon the Scriptures or lose their tax-exempt status if they refuse to 'marry' homosexuals. That would be discrimination, after all!"
That's not the future I want for my children and grandchildren. It's not the future I want for evangelical churches across this nation.
It's therefore time to get down and dirty!
Well, getting down and dirty would be easier if Jerry had already had that Safe Sodomy class, but he'll still do his best.
Anyway, some things to think about -- but not too much, because like Amber said, that would be falling into the liberal trap, and it might make your head hurt.
4:28:48 AM 
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