World O'Crap Book Club News
TBogg reviewed the conservative reviews of Bill Clinton's book. (It seems that none of the pundits waxing wroth about it have read it, but they know, based on the title, that it's a tissue of lies. And boring too.)
One of those reviews is by none other than our own Ann Coulter, who's as happy as Peggy Noonan at a Ronald Reagan funeral. Yes, Bill's autobiography gives Ann a chance to relive the best years of her life -- that golden time when there was Scaife money to be had for obsessing over a Presiden't sex life.
Here, let's read part of her most recent column, which reviews Bill's book:
Alternatively, Clinton claims conservatives hated him because he represented "the '60s." As is now well-known, four lawyers, toiling away after hours and on weekends, worked quietly behind the scenes to propel the Paula Jones case to the Supreme Court and bring Monica Lewinsky to the attention of the independent counsel. All four of us were 5 to 8 years old when Bill Clinton graduated from Georgetown in 1968. (Actually, it was the '70s that I really hated, but that's another column for another day.)
So I'm pretty sure it wasn't our anger about "the '60s" that inspired feelings of contempt for Bill Clinton. It must have been something else - some ineffable quality. Let's see, what was it again? Ah yes! I remember now! It was that Clinton is a pathological liar and sociopath.
Um, Ann, I don't think Bill was talking about you and your aging gang of blots on the legal profession. I doubt you're mentioned at all in his book. Sure, that must hurt, but it's time you just moved on with your life. Driving past his house at night and calling his answering machine 30 times a day just makes you look desperate and crazy. And telling everybody that HE is a pathological liar and sociopath when YOU are the one who joked about blowing up the NY Times building and who gets entire websites devoted to listing the lies in your books, just makes you appear even more pathetic and ridiculous. And that's no way to catch a man!
Oh, just because you and your fellow elves (or twinks, or whatever it was you called your little Federalist Society Cub Scout troop) were kids in the '60s, it doesn't mean you couldn't hate Clinton for "representing the '60s," now does it? Some of the most virulent haters of "hippies" and all things '60ish are people who were too young to go to Woodstock but had to hear about it for the rest of their lives.
So, I can only assume that the reason you mentioned how old you and the other elves were in 1968 was to make people think that you were born in 1963, like your drivers license now says, instead of 1961. Nice try, though -- for that, you win a free membership to AARP.
Anyway, while Ann has more to say about a book she's never read, in an interesting coincidence, SHE has a new book coming out this fall. So, we thought that now might be a good time to review it, using her review of Bill's book as a template.
So, allow us to present "When Life Gives You an Adam's Apple, Make Adam's Apple Pie," our review of How to Talk to a Liberal (if You Must): The World According to Ann Coulter, by Ann Coulter
According to AnnCoulter.com -- so it must be true! -- Ann Coulter's latest round of lies, "How to Talk to a Liberal," will be released in October. But her site tries to get you to pre-purchase an autographed copy now. (They even offer gift certificates as proposed Father's Day presents.)
OK, uncle. You win, Ms. Coulter. If I buy a copy of your book, will you just shut up once and for all, go away, and never come back? And maybe get something to eat while you're gone?
It will cost me $30, but, judging strictly by the number of inaccuracies, distortions, and outright lies per page, that isn't a bad price, since I can probably sue her publisher for false advertising (the book is represented as nonfiction) and make a few bucks on the deal.
Considering how obsessed Coulter is with killing Muslims, it's interesting how little time she devotes to discussing what has actually been happening in Iraq and Afghanistan. In lieu of discussing recent events, Coulter simply denounces liberals as traitors for not sharing her distorted world view -- a view notable for bearing not the remotest relationship with reality (just as her rhetoric about the family-oriented, salt-of-the-earth, small town values exhibited by conservatives corresponds in no way with her own hard-drinking, chain-smoking, hanging-out-with- Matt Drudge-instead-of-getting-married-and-raising-babies, sordid lifestyle).
However, from what I've heard, roughly 90% of Coulter's tome -- that is, all of it except for those random Lexix-Nexis searches which she uses as end notes in an effort to claim some factual basis for her work -- consists of unconnected hate-filled screeds against liberals, Muslims, the intelligentsia, and women -- all groups that form the "them" to the "us" she thinks she is writing for. But when even Bill O'Reilly considers you shrill, and David Horowitz complains about your nutty theories, you are writing for an awfully small portion of the wingnut populace. Ann is basically just writing for herself and the voices in her head.
Another sign of her delusional state is the books's cover photo, which features Ann as a middle-aged, black leather-clad, school marm. Ann presumably believes she is a sassy, smart, sex symbol. But, as Mark Ames* says, "There she is, posing full-length in a tight black mini, a childless MILF-wannabe trying to pass herself off as a 40-something far-right pin-up. Ann's star is sagging, and apparently her handlers don't have the heart to tell her." Through sheer force of will I shall resist the urge to quote the entire Ames column, but will instead just include this description of Coulter's miserable appearance on a recent Fox News program:
Last week, Ann Coulter appeared on Hannity & Colmes looking haggard and clinically insane. The Night of the Living Dead circles underneath her eyes, the lifeless hair—it looks like she's been living on canned foods for the past two months. Ann looked like she should be pushing a shopping cart, not politicking for Bush.
But Coulter thinks she's hot. She belives that because she's blonde and thin (so very thin!), people are dying to buy a book made up of the kind of writing one can read at Lucianne.com for free. Fittingly, in the final analysis, Coulter will be rejected for being an over-the-hill skank by the very people who told her that being skanky was the way to achieve success in the "manly" world of conservative punditry. Live by the skank, die by the skank. A fitting epitaph for one of the least memorable Fox News' excrescences.
[*Link via Rittenhouse Review -- go there and take the "Best 'Law & Order' AD D.A." Poll.]
Anyway, that's our review of How to Talk to a Liberal. We might review it again, as we get close to the book's publication date and find out what it might actually be about, but we are never going to read it. We are, however, serious about actually buying a copy if it would make Ann go away.
P.S. Here's some of what Ann had to say about Clinton's book during her appearnce on Wednesday's Scarborough Country Bear Jamboree:
COULTER: We don‘t need to read the book. There‘s nothing of historical interest because there was nothing of historical interest in his entire presidency, other than for late-night comedians and perhaps legal history.
And we have all heard his story before. There‘s nothing new here. And he is a liar. So his take on the impeachment isn‘t particularly interesting either. I don‘t know why liberals won‘t move on.
Yeah, the liberals should just move on -- this from the woman who still mentions the Clintons in at least half of her columns, even if her topic is "How to Clean Bathroom Grout."
And, just for fun, here's Fox News' Sean Hannity, discussing Clinton's book with guest Lanny Davis, former Special Counsel for President Clinton:
SEAN HANNITY, CO-HOST: Lanny, Lanny, Lanny, how are you? You just left Bill Clinton, didn't you?
DAVIS: I just left a big audience where he was speaking on the book party launching this great book.
HANNITY: He loves this. It's all about me; it's all about me. He loves this. This is great for him.
DAVIS: An autobiography is, by definition.
HANNITY: "My Life," me, me, I, I, I.
Don't you hate it when people talk about their own lives in autobiographies?
HANNITY: All right. Let's forget about what the right-wing conspiracy thinks. Let's go to "The New York Times," your beloved "New York Times" that reviewed Mr. Clinton's book. Let's put up on the screen some of what it said.
[Snip excerpts from the much-quoted Michiko Kakutani review]
DAVIS: Well, look, this same reviewer used almost the same words about Hillary Rodham Clinton's book, and she sold a million copies. This reviewer obviously has a jaundiced view of the Clintons and writes almost similar reviews. You could have Scotch taped and pasted. The fact is Bill Clinton...
HANNITY: But wait, wait. Why are you discrediting him? You go right to your same old strategy of if they don't say anything nice about the Clintons, trash them.
And why is Hannity calling Michiko "him"? Could it be that Hannity didn't even read the review, just those excerpts that an aide put on the screen for him?
DAVIS: Because if you read the review, you would, compared to what she wrote about Hillary Clinton, you would say this is a pretty biased...
HANNITY: OK, so that's -- why are you trashing the person? Why can't you just say, "OK, that's just one person's view"? Why do you have to go after them?
LOL! I just love Sean "You have no soul!" Hannity telling somebody else that we shouldn't trash people with whom we disagree (especially because saying that a review is biased is hardly trashing the person).
DAVIS: It is -- It is certainly one person's view. But your viewers who just heard you read those nasty quotes should know that if you read the Hillary Rodham Clinton review...
HANNITY: You are crazed, Lanny.
But calling somebody "crazed" isn't trashing them, of course.
DAVIS: ...this reviewer wrote, you would find almost the same words used.The fact is she's entitled to her opinion, but she misstated facts and you're not entitled to misstate facts. She said in her reviewer that Bill Clinton lied about real estate and she, in fact, is wrong about Whitewater...
HANNITY: I don't care. I really don't care about the Clintons.
Which is the kind of fair and balanced attitude you'd expect to get from your host when invited on his show to discuss Bill Clinton's book. I can hardly wait for Hannity's next book to come out, so I can invite him on my TV program (I will undoubtedly have one by then), call him crazed when he defends it, and then dismiss him by telling him I don't really care about him. And then I'll have Bill O'Reilly on, so I can cut his mic.
2:59:18 AM 
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