Sunday, June 27, 2004

Sunday Worship Comic Strips   Since there is no online Family Circus for today (and since there was some murmuring about previous assignments of Brenda Starr and Mary Worth), our friend Pete from The Dark Window suggested we analyze some of the fine "Hal Lindsey Oracle Cartoons: Where Religion and Politics Mix."  So, we have chosen this one. As you can see, we start with a map with "One Nation Under One Man" written on Canada.  A man with a bald spot, wearing a white shirt with "NEW-DOW" written on the back of it, has almost finished painting the entire United States from a can of red paint labled "secularism."  The waters along the west coast are labled "sin sin sin."  Further out in the Pacific Ocean floats a great, big "DEATH." Analysis: The man in the shirt is NEW Herbert H. DOW, founder of Dow Chemicals.  This new Dow is symbolically painting the United States with the secular paint of Agent Orange mixed with DDT, Dioxin, and Napalm.  This is a "sin, sin, sin," and leads to death, since we need a healthy environment or we're all doomed.  And just who is this New Dow?  George Bush, of course.  His enviromententally unfriendly policies (and crimes against nature) are well documented -- and we are "one nation under one man," since he's our President.  I just didn't think that Hal's site would be so blunt about it. Well, that's what I got out of it -- maybe you can see something different. But if you want something a little more appropriate for the Sabbath, check out the  the many fine comic strips showcased at Christian Suite, the "1st stop for Christian cartoons."  For today, let's consider "The Adventures of Jeremiah," a weekly strip about a teen who has adventures, and learns valuable Biblical lessons from them.  So, it's basically the continuing adventures of Davey after Goliath got hit by a car.  It won't work for predicting the future, but it will teach you those valuable Biblical lessons, so let's check out this week's strip: It seems that a guy named Matt has dyed his hair blond and started wearing sunglasses in order to "get noticed."  But as fate would have it, he runs into a group of blond-haired, sunglasses-wearing punks who think he is making fun of them.  A caption at the top (maybe this is God speaking) says, "Matt realizes that his preoccupation with getting noticed has led him into an area where he didn't belong": blond-haired Rayban town!  The inhabitants threaten him with a safety pin, but Matt craftily escapes by pointing at a non-existant cop,  And later . . . he is a clean-cut dork again.  He informs his friends, who seem totally blown away by seeing him without his sunglasses, that he's "been going through some strange emotions."  No, not horniness -- Matt explains that he's been "wondering where I fit in." A really enthusiastic, super-annoying brown-haired friend (maybe the eponymous Jeremiah) chirps, "Gramp says it's common among teenagers today.  He calls it a disease.  He named it 'self-absorbtionitis.'" Yes, Gramps is Doug Giles.  Anyway, Gramps' cure involves memorizing Bible verses.  Memorize that Bible and then you never need wonder about anything ever again.  The End. And those are our Sunday cartoons for this week: I hope they have cured your teen angst, dissuaded you from dying your hair and wearing sunglasses, and taught you a thing or two about Dow Chemical Corp.  Next week: Maybe we'll share some clean, Christian laughs with "Faithmouse - The cartoon of the Christian Right,"  "Bulletoon - Centers around humorous things that could happen in a church-goer's life," or "Reverend Fun - Bible based Christian cartoons."  Plus, another Hal Lindsey collision of religion and politics.    UPDATE:  Pete commented, "I hope you haven't forgotten our new Sunday cartoon, S.Z., because it's a good one!"   The new one is indeed a good one -- it depicts a future where gas costs $9.99 a gallon.  A scary older couple (I am pretty sure they are Barbara Bush and Dick Cheney), have exited their gas-hogging camper to throw tomatoes at a "tree-hugger" couple who are putting a gallon of gas into their small, green car, which has bikes on the roof and "Save the Whales" and "No to ANWR, No BIG OIL" stickers on the bumper.  Therefore, it's the liberals fault that that Barbara and Dick have to pay a lot to drive their camper -- and the tree-huggers don't even care about gas prices, because they drive a fuel-efficent car and ride bikes. This dystopia is called "Gas Wars -- Living Without Saudi Oil." 3:18:38 AM     comment [] trackback []   Why Liberals Hate America, and Why I Am Behind in My Posting   Lately I've been feeling really tired and a bit burned out, so I took last night off and watched Mulholland Drive on TBS.  (Yes, like Doug Giles, I'm a few years behind the pop culture curve.)  I quite enjoyed the movie, even though, since it was on TBS, a 185-minute movie ran 3-1/2 hours (I tried to read the paper during the commercials, which added to the surreality of the movie).  And while this was basic cable, I did appreciate the fact that they just digitally blurred the R-rated parts instead of editing them out completely, so you could kind of guess what was happening ("Naomi Watts is just a bunch of tan pixels, so she must be doing something naughty -- but Laura Elena Harring left the room, so what could be going on? . . .Oh, right, that.")  I wonder if I'm the only one who deduced that the first part of the movie must be a dream/fantasy because Harring's hair was perfect even after being in a car wreck, crawling down the Hollywood hills, and sleeping in somebody's yard.  Oh, and all of the practice with the Family Circus analysis was helpful in making sense of the movie.  My guess as to what the blue box means: the blue box is a Democratic presidency.  Opening it means that we stop living in the chirpy, 1940's-Hollywood-movie-fantasy-with-really-disturbingly-nasty-undertones that is the Bush administration, and face the facts about how Bush paid for a hit on his lover, Saddam.  And then a miniature George, Sr. and Barbara Bush appear, mocking George for his failure, and he commits suicide.  Or something like that. Anyway, speaking of Doug, this week's column is about how liberals are evil people who hate America, and conservatives are salt-of-the-earth types who love God, family, decency, puppies, and heterosexuality.  And so the liberals, who control the media, the schools, Hollywood, and all of time and space, malign the noble conservatives by making fun of them in their blogs.   Okay, so it's not much of a message.  But of course, we don't read Doug for his brilliant political/religious insights, or his studious factual arguments; no, we read him for his inventive torturing of the language.  Here are some choice bits from "Conservatives and Liberals: Apples and Orgies": The "historical" record of the 20th century has been shaded by Liberal spin doctors more than Richard Simmons' eyelids, in preparation for a night out on South Beach.  Who, besides Doug, is paying attention to Richard Simmons' eyelids these days? Those who actually have the nerve to naysay the Liberals' endless distortions will be called more foul names than a French tourist who cuts off Dennis Leary in heavy traffic on the I-95. Doug really has it in for those French tourists, doesn't he?  After getting beat up last week by the Texas rednecks of reason (or whatever that analogy was), I'm amazed they still visit this country. If you believe in the traditional family, that there are multifaceted reasons why God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Todd, then grab a crash helmet. I like that one because he showed a little creativity and  made up a new name for the former Steve, Adam's same-sex partner. And if you believe that government isn't there to be your wet nurse, that affirmative action entails an alarm clock, that Islamic radicals shouldn't fly business class post 9/11, that Hillary looks and acts like the Bride of Chucky, that the U.S. is one step away from Euro-socialism and that character, faith and virtue are non-negotiable if this nation is to continue to be Valedictorian of the planet: then you, my principled, nation-loving friend, better finish your preparations and put on an athletic cup because the treacherous left will aim its hammer below your belt. Doug really is scared of what liberals will do to his penis, isn't he? And as incomprehensible as the above is, Doug goes for the climax by quoting Ann Coulter in his ClashPoint -- it's like the great moment when somebody got chocolate on somebody else's peanut butter, and they found they had invented a dangerously unstable explosive that took out everything within a 2-mile radius.  Doug concludes with: It's hard for salt of the earth, hard working, hard playing pro-American types to wrap their minds around why their liberal neighbors hate the U.S. so much. . . .Concerned citizens of our amazing country need to be aware of the fear and loathing of the liberals and meet them head on at the polls, through the media and in the public square. Doug, headbutting is never the answer.  You should just use the f-word, like Dick Cheney.  I'm sure you, like Dick, will feel a lot better afterwards.  And Doug, I'm pretty sure that the monster (the one that the guy dreamed about and then saw behind Winkie's, giving him a heart attack) was same-sex marriage.  Or possibly secularism.  But I'd like your opinion on it -- and what all the girl-on-girl action has to say about French tourists. 12:57:58 AM     comment [] trackback []

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