Friday on the Road with George
George Bush was on the campaign trail in Pennsylvania yesterday, riding the bus with buddies like Arlen Specter, "old Rick Santorum," and daughter Jenna ("A new graduate from the University of Texas ... Made it through in four years, I want you to know.")
He spoke in Lancaster, York, and Kutztown, using a different variation of the stump speech at each locale (but still, they were enought alike that going through them all makes very tiresome reading, so I have no idea why I did it). In Lancaster, the main focus was how George was helping you, the small town hick. At the York rally, the theme was "I have values, John Kerry is an immoral Commie." And in Kutztown, the crowd got the whole dog and pony show, with testimonials from satisfied Bush customers and lots of martial moments; George even answered a few questions from no-doubt previously screened members of the audience.
Here, let me share what I consider the most interesting parts (meaning, the stuff I hadn't read a million times before) of each of these speeches.
Remarks by the President in Lancaster, Pennsylvania
You're probably wondering why would you -- I mean, I imagine we could have drawn thousands of people. As a matter of fact, tonight in York, we are -- going to have a giant crowd. But why would you forgo a big crowd to come to this entrepreneurial haven to talk about the issues confronting the country? And the answer is, is because this a perfect example of what I try to talk about when it comes to the economy.
Yes, you are probably wondering why a busy President like Mr. Bush would bother to visit your crappy town, but it's so he can pretend to care about all the other crappy towns like yours. Yes, he's here to tell you how he lowered taxes for you, the small business owner or parent; of course, if that means that the rich saved a whole lot more than you did, that's only fair.
If you're going to have any tax relief at all, the only fair thing to do is to give everybody tax relief. I really don't think you want a government that's fixing to cut tax rates that only these kind of people deserve it. That means politics is getting to decide.
And while some might say that it might be good if politics decided that rich people shouldn't get as large a tax cut as the lower middle class, that's not George's way. He's just a simple country boy, like you folks in Lancaster, and he doesn't think you want a government fixing to decide that the wealthy should pay more than you to run the country.
So, to pay George back for all that he's done for you, the least you can do is vote for him. Besides, he has a nice wife who deserves to be First Lady for another term. She's such a good person that she actually gave a radio address that mentioned the women of Afghanistan.
Laura sends her best. She's campaigning herself. She is a -- she's come to realize what I know in that you can make a difference in people's lives in so many different ways in the positions that we're honored to hold. I remember the time she gave the Afghan radio address -- radio address, my radio address, and talked about women in Afghanistan. And it was such a comforting and reassuring voice, I'm sure, for the women there who had been so brutalized by the Taliban to hear the First Lady speak. But the feedback from the radio address was really good. And she -- I remember her coming back upstairs in the White House and saying, "Gosh, they heard me." People heard that somebody in America cares for them; that when we talk about young girls in America and our desire for them to be able to realize their dreams, we also said the same thing about young girls in Afghanistan and that message resonated.
Sorry, that was actually George's radio address.
Anyway, she has a nice voice, and it meant a lot to the women there to hear it -- the ones with radios who happened to catch the program, of course. And while she's never visited the women in Afghanistan, or actually done anything to help them, it all goes to show you that can make a difference in people's lives if you're George's wife. So, vote for George or Laura gets kicked to the curb and replaced with a younger model.
Remarks by the President at York, Pennsylvania Rally
An old lady gives him fudge . . .
What a fine job Congressman Todd Platts is doing for the people of this area. (Applause.) Where's your mother? There's mom, right there. She made me some fudge. (Laughter.) I'm going to run all day -- well, I'm going to bike all day tomorrow. (Laughter.) Thanks for the fudge, I actually had some.
Okay, that's what he says when mom is present. Contrast it to what he says behind her back, when he's in Kutztown:
Congressman Todd Platts is with us -- there he is. (Applause.) His mother made me some peanut butter fudge. (Laughter.) She expects me to eat it on the bus ride. (Laughter.) I don't know. But, anyway, tell her thanks for the fudge. (Laughter.)
So, DID he actually eat some fudge, or is this yet another senseless lie? A responsible press corps would investigate this kind of thing.
Anyway, in York, Bush gave his "Kerry has no values, while I am a good Christian like you folks" speech:
On issue after issue, from funding our troops who are on the battlefield, to involving parents in important decisions of their minor daughters, to supporting faith-based and community organizations that are helping those in need, the Senator is out of step with the mainstream values that are so important to our country. (Applause.)
Yes, if Kerry becomes President, he will force our troops to go to war without bullets for their guns, or gas for their tanks, because that's the kind of America-hating bastard he is. And he will make the GOVERNMENT run the prisons and the State Department, instead of allowing the churches, who have God on their side, do it. Plus, he'll personally drive your fourteen-year-old daughter to the abortion clinic, even if she's not pregnant, just to shove his lousy values down your throat. And he said your mother is ugly, and that he slept with your wife. Are you going to take this kind of thing, or are you going to show him what you think of him by donating money to Bush-Cheney 2004?
Remarks by the President at Ask President Bush Event, Kutztown
At the "Ask the President" event in Kutztown, George gives his war speech.
Let me tell you a couple of lessons I learned from September the 11th. We face an enemy which has hijacked a religion. They're not religious people; they've hijacked a religion. Secondly, therapy is not going to work with them. You cannot negotiate with these people, you can't discuss it. The only way to make sure America is more secure is to bring them to justice. (Applause.) Thirdly, I learned about this enemy, that they try to find soft spots in the world. They try to find safe havens. They try to burrow in and corrupt a government. They become parasitical. And that's why I laid out a doctrine that said, if you harbor a terrorist and feed one, you're just as guilty as the terrorist.
Let me tell you something else about the presidency -- (applause.)
Something other than how to burrow in and corrupt a government, and become parasitical?
Anyway, as a consequence of the third of his couple of lessons learned, he ordered the invasion of Afghanistan.
And when people ask you about the decision, you remind them that it was more than just upholding doctrine. My decision was more than just routing out al Qaeda. See, I care deeply about the fact that young girls were not allowed to go to school in Afghanistan. I care deeply about the fact that there was a barbaric regime that was so dim in their view of the world that they not only suppressed women, they suppressed young girls. They would not allow for dissent.
You know, unlike Bush administration, which encourages dissent, and is known for it's pro-woman policies.
Anyway, he goes through the usual stuff about how he had to invade Iraq, because after 9/11 we had to invade everybody who looked like a threat, so even though it turned out that Iraq wasn't a threat, George is good at making decisions, and he regrets nothing. And then he mentions that he always said that the rebuilding of Iraq was going to be hard, so quit your whining. Anyway, there were skeptics who said we couldn't rebuild Germany and Japan after WWII, but Truman had the doubters killed -- and now those countries are our allies (except for Germany).
The skeptics were saying Japan can't possibly self-govern. After all, they're not Caucasian. But, fortunately, the pessimists and the skeptics didn't have their day, did they?
That sure showed you liberals, who keep saying that the Iraqis can't self-govern because they're not Caucasian.
Then George trotted out his people: average Pennsylvanians who saved money due to the President's tax cuts. He apparently treated them to coffee in exchange for all rights to their life stories.
First there was Mr. Schmidt, who runs a highway construction business. He was able to hire eight people this year, all thanks to George's swell tax breaks (and due to the fact that people whose unemployment has been cut off have to take any crappy job they can find).
And there was Mr. Stump, a self-employed remodeler, and his wife, the stay-at-home Mom. Theywere able to buy home schooling supplies with the $2,200 they saved in taxes last year -- and they had enough left over to buy land for their White Supremacist compound.
He's self-employed; in other words, he's taking a risk. Mom stays home and teaches the kids. They're doing their duty as a mom and a dad, which is the most sacred duty anybody has got in America. And here the government -- (applause) -- and the government is fixing to take $1,000 out of their pocket
Damn that stinkin' government! I hate it so much!
And then there was Mr. Griesemer, who got laid off from his previous job, but then got hired this year at the hardware store; he now has more of his own money in his pocket. (If he had somebody else's money in his pocket at his last job, it could be why he was let go.)
And lastly, we are introduced to Ms. Hartman, who voluntarily changed jobs -- and now she's making more money!
THE PRESIDENT: And keeping more money.
MS. HARTMAN: No, I'm spending more. (Laughter.)
THE PRESIDENT: Oh, well, that's good for the person you're spending -- for the store you're spending it in. That's what we like. That's how the economy works. It's an interesting point she just made. She just gave us an economic lesson, didn't she? She's making more money. Instead of keeping more money, she's spending more money. That's what we want. See, the economy works when she decides, I've got a little extra money in my pocket, I'm going to demand an additional good or a service. Somebody has got to produce the good or service to meet her demand in the way our economy works.
Yes, what a great economic lesson she gave us: don't save money for retirement or unexpected emergencies; instead, take your money and demand an additional good or a service. In fact, you might want to consider racking up huge credit card bills that you will never be able to repay, forcing you to declare bankruptcy. Do it to help the economy, and your fellow Americans who produce goods and services.
And then George talks some more, and finally answers six questions from the audience, all of them sounding like they were assigned by a member of his reelection committee. The first one is about the SSCI report on the CIA and the intelligence community. George responds by giving us a lesson on what this war is really all about:
I want to know the truth. I want to know the facts. I appreciate the fact-finders working hard, and I want to work to make it the very best system we can possibly have. Because we've got a duty to do for the American people. This war goes on. There's a mighty ideological struggle taking place. Remember, it is really -- the better way to describe what's happening is, this is a war against an ideology which stands exactly opposite of what we believe. It's an ideology that can -- if you just think, remember the Taliban -- it's an ideology that brutalized people because of what they thought. It brutalized people because of how they worshiped. It brutalized people because of their gender. The exact opposite of what America stands for.
You see, we believe that you're as big a patriot if you worship the Almighty as if you don't. You have the freedom to do so. And if you choose to worship, whether it be as a Christian, Jew or Muslim, you're equally as patriotic as your neighbor. That's what we believe. You have the freedom to worship as you see fit in America.
So, it's really very simple: we believe in good stuff, and they (the evil doers) believe exactly the opposite of us. For instance, they demand that you be religious, while we believe you can be an atheist and still be a patriot. Well, except for John Kerry, who doesn't have decent Christian values -- he's a traitor.
The response to this next question is kind of long, but it's interesting for its goofiness.
Q I was wondering, there's a lot of talk right now about memoirs being written with the former President. After you are elected in 2004, what will your memoirs say about you, what will the title be, and what will the main theme say?
THE PRESIDENT: I appreciate that. (Laughter.) There is a painting on my wall in the Oval -- first of all, I don't know. I'm just speculating now. I really haven't thought about writing a book. My life is too complicated right now trying to do my job. (Laughter.) But if -- there's a painting on the wall in the Oval Office that shows a horseman charging up a steep cliff, and there are at least two other horsemen following. It's a Western scene by a guy named W.H.S. Koerner called "A Charge to Keep." It's on loan, by the way, from a guy named Joe O'Neill in Midland, Texas. He was the person, he and his wife Jan, introduced -- reintroduced me and Laura in his backyard in July of 1977. Four months later, we were married. So he's got a -- I'm a decision-maker and I can make good decisions. (Applause.)
And so we sang this hymn -- this is a long story trying to get to your answer. (Laughter.) This is not a filibuster. (Laughter.) That's a Senate term -- particularly on good judges. (Applause.) The hymn was sung at my first inaugural church service as governor. Laura and I are Methodists. One of the Wesley boys wrote the hymn. The painting is based upon the hymn called, "A Charge to Keep." I have. The hymn talks about serving something greater than yourself in life. I -- which I try to do, as best as I possibly can. (Applause.)
The book -- I guess one way, one thing to think about it is -- one of the themes would be, I was given a charge to keep. And I gave it all my heart, all my energy, based upon principles that did not change once I got into the Oval Office. (Applause.)
To summarize: Karen Hughes will write George's memoirs, so you'd have to ask her what the book will be about.
From this Q&A session we also learn that Colin Powell is going to be leaving ("That's going to be up to him ... it's hard work to work in Washington. .. It's a tough town and the hours are really long, really long"), and that we need to stop frivolous law suits and use coal for power in order to help community colleges.
And then George answers a question about "gay marriage" -- he says that it's a very sensitive issue that should be debated very respectfully, but that gay marriage means the end of civilization, so we'd better outlaw it ASAP. But the issue shouldn't be decided by the courts, and people shouldn't be allowed to get married in Massachusetts and then "come to a state like Pennsylvania ... and say, you must accept me -- us as a married couple." So, the best solution is the FMA, which will make the state legislatures do the dirty work.
And I repeat to you -- my own view is, is that if a state -- if people decide to -- what they do in the privacy of their house, consenting adults should be able to do. This is America. It's a free society. But it doesn't mean we have to redefine traditional marriage. (Applause.)
So, if people, consenting adult people, want to pretend in the privacy of their house that they are married, it's okay with Bush, but they shouldn't be allowed to REALLY be married, not even in MA, because that would devalue true marriage.
Okay, one last question:
Q As a mother of two, my greatest concern is national security. What is your biggest fear with, if you'll excuse me, a Kerry administration?
This woman SO didn't write this question herself! Anyway, Bush doesn't come out and say that if Kerry wins, our planet is doomed, DOOMED!, but he does say:
First of all, nobody likes war. You just got to know that about me. I love peace. I long for peace. But I also understand the nature of this enemy.
And he DOES understand the nature of this enemy. As he said in York:
They are cold-blooded killers. They're not religious people. They've hijacked a great religion. They think they're religious, but they're not. Their hearts are filled with evil. They are -- you can't negotiate with them. There is no peace treaty you can sign with these kind of people. They've got a dim vision of the world.
And they are "evildoers" who have an advantage over us in that "they don't have hearts, and we do." And they belive in an ideology that is the direct opposite of ours. Basically, they're evil, and we're good. Plus, they're like the shark in Jaws, waiting under the placid surface to bite off the arms and legs of randy teens:
And I told the American people sometimes you'll see action and it will look like things are normal, but beneath the surface will lurk this enemy. And that's just the way it is. And I want the American people to live a normal life. It's my job to worry about it. It's your job to go about your business.
So, there you have it: So, we need to keep George in office because of his astute insight into enemy. And also because it's HIS job to worry about terrorism, and yours to just go out and spend money, little lady.
There. A whole day with George summarized into one post. You can pay me later.
6:58:59 AM 
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