Turkeys
Wow, that library "Turkey Rights" brainwashing program that Meghan "Cocks" Gurdon warned us about has even gotten to members of the White House press corps! Here, just read this selection from yesterday's Press Briefing:
Q I have a personal comment first, before my question. It was a great message, Thanksgiving message from the President. Also, pardoning one turkey in the White House. But I hope next year thanking the, whatever, God, or (inaudible) or the turkey, I hope that next year he will pardon all the turkeys for one day, at least nobody will eat turkey.
My question is that President Musharraf is again coming to Washington --
MR. McCLELLAN: It was a stand-in, so he really pardoned two. (Laughter.)
Q But I hope next year all will be pardoned for a day.
Q But he did eat turkey, right?
MR. McCLELLAN: What's your question?
Too bad Meghan wasn't there to hiss at the reporter that she thinks turkeys are delicious, and she is glad that President Bush ate one for his Thanksgiving dinner, like the pilgrims had for theirs. And that Presidents need meat for the nourishment it gives them to fight the Battle of Life.
Sadly, it seems that Laura doesn't agree that eating meat three times a day is fun, because, as we learned below, President Bush is the Abstinence President.
Anyway, speaking of Meghan, here are her recomendations from NRO's Gift-Giving Guide:
Meghan Cox Gurdon
For everyone. Mona Charen's new book Do-gooders: How Liberals Hurt Those They Claim to Help (and the Rest of Us) is due out on December 29th and will be an appreciated New Year's hostess gift. [...] Homelessness! Crime! Bilingual education! Mona explains exactly how and why liberals thought they were right, and why they got it so wrong.
It seems that Meghan still has a vendetta against those Competent Mothers, and so will be giving them a book about pesky do-gooders as a passive-aggressive hostess gift. That will show the bitches!
For everyone. Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Heartbreaking and frightening, this book has aged less well than, say, anything by Jane Austen, but nonetheless possesses great power and is, in these times of cloning and what you might call "embryonic" embryonic-stem-cell research, a moving and necessary read.
Well, many people already have a copy (probably left over from freshman English), but since you can get it at Amazon very reasonably ("Used & new from: $0.01"), I guess saying that it's a cautionary tale about embryonic stem-cell research might cover up the fact that you're a cheapskate.
For parents, children, or godchildren. Goops and How to Be Them: A Manual of Manners by Gelett Burgess. A witty and delightful volume first published in the '20s with eminently memorizable poems for the reinforcement of good behavior. "No matter how you wish/for the last one on the dish/Miss Manners has a right to it/Not you." And so forth.
Of COURSE Meghan would advocate giving kids a book on manners originally published in 1900 (not the '20s, Meghan). If she had her way, all children would act and speak like characters from an English novel from the Victorian age.
And while most kids will really like The Goops, they wouldn't if they knew that the original title was, Goops and How to Be Them: A Manual of Manners for Polite Infants Inculcating Many Juvenile Virtues Both by Precept and Example, and that Meghan was really expecting the book to inculcate many juvenile virtues in other people's kids, so that the brats might come close to being as well-behaved as her perfect children are (well, as perfect as her son Bologna is in her columns).
BTW, you can download a copy of More Goops and How Not to Be Them at Project Gutenberg -- if you print out some copies, then get some of those one cent Frankenstiens, and scoop up some review copies of Mona Charen's book that were in the office trash can, then your Christmas gifts for people you don't much care about are all taken care of!
For wives. Dr. Laura Schlessinger's, The Care and Feeding of Husbands. An excellent, invaluable, and wince-making reminder of how one ought — and ought not — to treat the man one married.
Yes, even if one's husband is never home (he claims he's working, but one has one's doubts), leaving one with four increasingly troublesome kids and a whole household to maintain all by one's self (except for the Filippino housekeeper), one should treat him like a god. Well, like a dog -- one doesn't need a manual about the care and and feeding of gods, now does one? In any case, even if that snippy secretary thinks that SHE can do a better job of caring and feeding him, SHE isn't giving him sex whenever he wants, now is she! Or is she . . . ?
And that reminds Meghan of an appropriately catty gift for people like "Cindi":
For chicks only. A year's membership in Curves, the unfashionable but popular and astonishingly effective dames-only gym. Franchises have sprung up across the country, and for good reason: The workouts, which alternate hydraulic weights with intervals of jogging in place, take only half an hour a couple of times a week. Better yet, Curves founder Gary Heavin is apparently — gasp — pro-life! Further, he donates money to pro-life organizations. [...] Get slim and muscular and prod the ribs of the pro-choice crowd.
I don't know why so many wingnuts advocate doing stuff just to prod, annoy, and irritate other people. For instance, you are urged to buy the Ann Coulter doll to "Amuse your conservative friends and annoy your liberal neighbors." One of the advertisers at Ann's site urges, "Annoy a liberal. Peace Through Superior Firepower T-shirts."
Frankly, I don't care WHAT my neighbor does with his Ann Coulter doll, or what T-shirt he wears to clean out the barn. If that spoils anybody's fun, well, too bad. And Meghan, I hope it doesn't spoil your joy in gift-giving, but the beliefs of the founder of your dames-only gym do nothing to my ribs. But I do have to warn you that some chicks (or dames) might be offended at being given a membership to a gym -- and their indignation will have nothing to do with how Heavin spends his dough.
— Meghan Cox Gurdon writes NRO's "The Fever Swamp."
Of course she does.
Anyway, speaking of Dr. Laura, I visited her website and found this interesting description of the most recent "Dr. Laura Monologue":
Subject: It is tough to accept that your children take a different path than you had hoped for...
Date: 2004-11-29
While I couldn't listen to the monologue since I'm not a Dr. Laura member (it costs $6.95 a month to get the perk of listening to downloads of her show), I wonder if this means that Derryk has come out of the closet or gone to jail or something . . .
6:08:06 AM 
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