Who Said It?
St. Patricks Day Edition
First, we will reveal our Mystery Guests from last time:
1. Ari Fleischer. (Roger Ailes brings us the news about how President Bush has called on Hezbollah to disarm Ari, who has apparently gone nuts and became one of those dangerous, gun-wielding loners since leaving the White House.
2. Karen Hughes
3. Bill O'Reilly
4. Condi Rice
5. Mel Gibson
While Dave named them all, we think that steroids were involved. Therefore, while we hold Congressional hearings on the matter, we will give a point to everybody.
So, a point to Dave, Clif, teh l4m3, Singularity, Ted, Annti, john b, Goseph Gerbils, and Sandals. Oh, and a kidney to Thomas Sowell.
Our winners can save up their points and use them for such fun prizes as "Punchy O' Reilly" pens, available from Dollar Days:
Punchy O' Reilly pen lights up when you write. Buttons on back to control boxing arms. Black ink. May the luck of the Irish be yours today.
Now, name the pundits of Irish ancestry who said the following:
1. After devoting most of her column space to a transcript of Ashley Smith's testimony, who wrote thIs?
It is an idiot's errand to follow such testimony with commentary. It's too big. There is nothing newspaper-eloquent to say. We have entered Flannery O'Connor country, and only geniuses need apply.
Oh, and then she followed such testimony with non-genius commentary, to include this:
Is it a matter of happenstance, is it without meaning, that America was taken by this drama at Eastertide, in the days before Palm Sunday, when a wanted man rode by donkey to an appointment at Golgotha? Is it an accident that a great but troubled country that yearns so to be good is given such instruction at this time?
2. Which Irish-American pundit wrote this in his most recent book:
Evil exists. It is real, and it means to harm us. I believe this strongly, and not just because of my Catholic faith, although that's the root of it. When you work in the news business, you deal with the ugly side of life.
Of course, you should keep in mind that he helps to make the news business a lot more ugly, so his experiences might not hold true for everyone.
3. The following passage comes from the book of which commentator (a guy who makes much of his working class background, apparently believing that because he didn't summer in the Hamptons, he must have come from a working class background, even though his parents were college educated, his father was an accountant, and he grew up in the suburbs)?
Without us, say good-bye to country music and rap, slasher flicks and Home Shopping Network, the Gap and SUVs, Jerry Springer and Oprah, malls and malt liquor, tattoo parlors and trailer parks, Myrtle Beach and Branson, Missouri, professional wrestling and the National Enquirer.
This country hums along economically because of the toil and the tastes of the working class . . . and the big-profit boys will do almost anything to keep it that way. Factor that into the price of your next Happy Meal.
Yeah, it's Jerry Springer, Oprah, malt liquor, and McDonald's who are keeping you down, man! They WANT to keep you poor, stupid, watching Fox News, and buying the products it advertises! Fight the power!
4. The following comes from the transcript of which Irish-American journalist's interview yesterday of Douglas Wead (the guy who secretly taped George Bush as he considered running for President?:
[Mystery Guest]: When your story came out, when you gave this to "The Times" or however you got it to "The Times," all the Arab countries and the Arab people in the world, the street that doesn't like us, think we're heathens and we're whatever you call, the infidels, the president of the United States used drugs? He's one of the evil ones.
You gave them ammo, the other side, didn't you?
WEAD: No.
MG: What do you mean you didn't?
WEAD: Look, I was wrong.
[...]
MG: But the Arabs out there, the people that don't like us, the terrorist crowd, the anti-American crowd, they're reading your tapes. You don't think that hurts us?
Yeah, the Arabs now hate Bush, and by extention the United States, because of tapes that indicate that Bush used marijuana. THAT'S our problem. So, clearly Wead is a traitor who helped terrorists and worked against our country.
Later, our MG asks Dana Milbank if his pants make him look fat.
MG: Let me ask you, I was pushing him hard, as you saw, on the international implications of this, to have the president of the United States basically admitting using illegal drugs, for the world to know and be sure of. Do you think I pushed it too hard?
Isn't it kind of pathethic when news program hosts ask stupid questions, and then turn to reporters for reassurance?
5. From which journalist's best-selling non-fiction book book (which, it's been reported, will soon have a sequel):
As the years went on, especially on Memorial Day, when we went to the local cemetery to plant little American flags on the graves of war veterans, I sometimes asked him about the war. Although I desperately wanted to know what had happened, I was careful not to push too hard. It was clear that he didn’t want to talk about it, and I imagined that I might feel the same way if something that terrible had happened to me.
And because his father, a private man, didn't want to talk about his war experiences, our Mystery Guest wrote a book about him.
6. From a guy who may or may not be Irish, but whose next book I look forward to a lot more than Mystery Guest #5's:
Uncle Todd never wanted to talk about the war. I'd ask him all the time to tell me about it, but he wouldn't ever talk about it. So I started leaving little notes all over his house saying, "Talk about the war". Also, I'd call him up late at night and just say, "the war", and hang up. I think he cracked up and had to go away someplace. He should have talked about the war.
7:36:01 PM 
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