Monday, June 27, 2005

A Whitman Sampler   While our first ammendment rights were being violated by technology (and you'd better believe that we intend to sue somebody for that), some of our favorite wingnuts slapped together columns.  Here's a brief survey of some of them. John Stossel Whines About the FDA Again* Did you know that there is a sunblock that protects you not only against the rays that cause cancer, but also against the ones that cause wrinkles?  Well, there is, but you can't have any, because the FDA hates you, and wants you to look old and ugly. But is there no common sense here? All drugs have risks as well as benefits. Sure, the FDA won't know what the risks are until it finishes its testing, but what is a possible second head compared with the benefit of being able to lie in the sun for years and not look like Robert Redford (as he does now, that is)? Although buying or selling sunscreens with Mexoryl is illegal in the United States, that doesn't mean sunscreens with Mexoryl aren't bought and sold here. We found it at some pharmacies. It was expensive — $30 to $50. "People really want this stuff. People go to pharmacies and they keep it under the counter, like it's a secret ingredient, like prohibition or something and people will still buy it," Rigel said. I don't fault the pharmacies, they're serving their customers. Hey, I'm sure that Stossel also wouldn't fault the speakeasies that sold bootleg liquor adulterated with wood alcohol -- after all, they were just serving their customers, even if some of those customers did go blind. Everyone is always telling us, protect yourself from the sun, but then the government won't give us permission to have the best sunscreen? Here's an idea, Stossel: try growing a mustache that will cover your entire face.  It can offer you protection from all types of solar radiation, the goverment can't prohibit it, and it will make life easier for the rest of us. *This one is for D. Sidhe, who allegedly had to go to the ER after John Stossel tried to kill her with a pen for making fun of him -- and to add insult to injury, there is a new miracle drug that could have immediately cured D's injuries, but the FDA won't release it because of ambiguous test results.  (Obligatory Simpsons ref: "Pleasant taste.  Some monsterism."}   2.  Dr. Professor Mike Adams Reviews Ben Shapiro's "Porn for Teens" Book Mikey likes it, because it has a whole chapter about slutty coeds.  He also thinks that Ben has joined the pantheon of great public scolds and whiners, along with Michelle Malkin and David Limbaugh  With the publication of Porn Generation, Ben is now, in my opinion, among the three most notable writers in America in terms of his willingness and effectiveness in combating the dangerous effects of moral relativism upon our nation’s youth. Like those other two writers -David Limbaugh and Michelle Malkin - he writes both with skill and courageous compassion. That is why he is being so viciously attacked for his efforts. There is no better indication that he - like Limbaugh and Malkin - is doing God’s work in an increasingly godless society. Yes, the fact that people attack Ben's book must mean that he is doing God's work, just as the fact that historians attacked Malkin's book about Japanese internment is the surest sign that she was doing God's work too.  Nobody seems to be attacking David Limbaugh, because he's basically a nobody, but if they did attack him, it would mean that he's also working for God.  Making disparaging comparisons to his brother would just confirm it. To those who read my column, it will come as no surprise that my favorite chapter in Porn Generation is the third chapter, entitled “Campus Carnality.” No, that doesn't surprise us a bit.  I imagine it includes a scene where dirty, hairy lesbian harlots say "vagina, vagina" at male instructors, giving them ED -- thus proving that this book is a masterpiece. As I read this chapter, I was reminded of an exercise I once used in my “Introduction to Criminal Justice” class. The exercise involved having students give a brief description of the most serious crime or deviant act they had ever committed. I would then read some of the accounts (which were all typed and turned in anonymously) and give the students some break downs afterwards-such as the percentage of felons in the class, and so on. I noticed that in between the time I began using this exercise (in 1993) and the time I stopped (in 2003) there was a marked increase in reports of bizarre sexual conduct. For example, students began to write occasionally about group sex. Others wrote about posing nude for internet sites. One of my students even dropped out of school to become a Playboy Centerfold in 1996. Another wrote about how she ran out of money on Spring Break and slept with another college student for $40 just so she could have money to stay and get drunk on the last night of her vacation. Dear Dr. Adam's Forum, I never believed that I would end up having the best sex of my life while on Spring Break in Florida, but I did -- and I make some drinking money from it too!  It all started after I dropped out of school to become a Playboy Centerfold, and wound up having group sex with a senator, three other Playmates, and David Limbaugh ... The book’s longest chapter “Porn and Popcorn,” provides an interesting historical overview of the Hays Code, which was a content standard the motion picture industry imposed upon itself in the 1930s. The discussion of how economic forces made that choice possible may provide some insight into how a similar standard can be invoked in the future. Wow, if we just threaten to have Alberto Gonzales censor all the films being exhibited in the country, then maybe we can intimidate the four or five Jewish moguls who run Hollywood into letting a Catholic moralist do it for us.  And then we will never again have to hear "hell" or "damn" in the movies, or see films which suggest that the courts of the land may be unjust, which show surgical operations, which use ministers of religion as comic characters or  villains, or which feature "sex relationships between the white and black races." With all the book’s great quotes, it is probably fitting to conclude this review with my favorite: “Paris Hilton is famous for one reason, and one reason only: She’s a fabulously rich slut.” By contrast, Ben Shapiro is becoming famous for one reason, and one reason only: He’s a fabulously talented writer. And a fabulous young slut for the religious right (in that he prostitutes his time and talents).   3.   Pastor Doug Giles Orders the World to Stop Harshing His Buzz In the fourth or fifth article in his copyrighted series: "Be a Wanker the Doug Giles Way," Doug says "Be a Wet Blanket."  By which he apparently means, "Stop telling me that I can't make a living as a big game hunter/ professional camper / best friend of Dirty Harry."  I guarantee that if you want your relationships, career, finances and soul to reek worse than a sardine’s dirty gym shorts, then you, my friend, have stumbled onto gold.  Yes, if you adhere to these copy written, trademarked, patented and heavily-guarded-by-angry-midgets principles in my Developing the Disaster Master Mind© series you will be propelled to . . . well . . . uh . . . nowhere. Therefore, it is imperative that you be the drunken donkey that whizzes on the wannabe’s dreams. Think about it. . . No thanks.  I don't want to waste my beautiful mind that way. 4.  Concerned Woman for America Janice Shaw Crouse, Ph.D. Has a Mop Epiphany After 20 years of mopping floors with a foam mop, she realizes that her husband stifled her dreams of mopping with a string mop.  This causes a mini-meltdown directed at the mop, but it all ends happily when her husband makes a romantic gesture. I opened the door and there stood a delivery boy from the local florist –– holding a brand new string mop with a dozen beautiful red roses artistically arranged up and down the handle! I stepped back, stunned! Then, I burst into laughter, reached for the bouquet and read the card. A warm glow welled up inside of me. Gil, Sr. had not dismissed my "insight" as irrelevant after all! How much did he understand? The card in his handwriting stated simply, "I don't care what mop you use, as long as it is our floor you're mopping! Love, Gil." Now wasn't that nice?  He lets her use any kind of mop she wants, as long as she mops their floor, instead of, say, letting it stay dirty until he takes his turn at it. With tears streaming down my face, I saw clearly in that gesture Gil's love and unconditional acceptance of me. Well, his acceptance of her mopping. Along with his appreciation of the significance of my great insight, Gil discovered that the price of one string mop and a dozen roses was one of the best investments he ever made! Yes, he got lucky that night -- on the freshly mopped floor! So, men, I hope you have learned a valuable lesson from this: let your woman make her own mop choices, and she will happily mop her little heart out for you! 4:32:10 AM     comment [] trackback []   Allstate Persecutes Christian   [Note: This is an entry I prepared Saturday morning, but RadioUser broke, and I couldn't post it until today.  But it's still current, in that conservatives are now calling for a boycott of Allstate.   I expect the martyr, J.Matt Barber, to be interviewed by O'Reilly or Hannity this week.]   WorldNetDaily brings us the story of America's latest Christian martyr in the article "Allstate terminates manager over homosexuality column: On own time, man posted anti-'gay' article insurance giant says didn't reflect its values."   A former manager with Allstate has sued the insurance giant, alleging the company, which financially supports homosexual advocacy groups, fired him solely because he wrote a column posted on several websites that was critical of same-sex marriage and espoused his Christian beliefs.   Well, if you read further down, our martyr, J. Matt Barber, says that it wasn't solely because he wrote that column.  He adds that Allstate was actually looking for an excuse to get rid of him because he tattled on his boss's boss for public displays of affection with a female doctor at a conference in Lisbon.  "He was a married man," Barber explained. "It made me very uncomfortable, especially because we investigate sexual harassment." And since it made Matt uncomfortable, he filed a sexual harassment complaint against the manager.  (Gee, I wonder what Dr. Mike would say about that?) Matt should have known he was on shaky ground with Allstate at that point -- therefore, a smart guy wouldn't have used his real name when writing wingnutty columns such as The Democratic Party: Modern Day Slave Master, and  Liberal Democrats:Tools of the Terrorist for MensNewsDaily, The Conservative Voice, and their ilk.  But we have to admit that Matt (who took up professional boxing as a sideline to his Allstate career) doesn't seem all that bright. But it wasn't his columns about slave-holding, terrorist Democrats that got him fired.  No, it was this one: The Gay Agenda vs. Family Values.  Here's an excerpt from it: As a result of the concerted effort by liberals to mask the devastating effects of the gay lifestyle, many people are shocked to learn that the average life expectancy of a homosexual male is only about 45 years old – 30 years younger than that of a heterosexual male.  One study determined that homosexual males have from between 20 to 106 sexual partners per year.  It’s no wonder that homosexual men account for over 50% of all hepatitis cases, and still account for over 50% of all AIDS cases despite the fact that they only make up 1-3% of the population.  Homosexual men and women share a markedly increased risk of contracting nearly all forms of STD.  The men frequently suffer from other sodomy related injuries, and are far more likely to be murdered (likely by another homosexual) than their heterosexual counterparts; this, due to the typically raucous and oft anonymous nature of the gay lifestyle.  All of these things considered, and given that the cost to treat an AIDS patient averages nearly $350,000, the homosexual lifestyle shares responsibility, by no small measure, for this Country’s skyrocketing health care costs.  Yes, Matt works for an insurance company, and yet he's claiming that the average gay man's life expectancy is 45 (a stat that he didn't get from the Allstate actuary department, but apparently from Paul Cameron, except that Matt screwed up even that data, since Cameron said that it was lesbians who live to 45, gay men living only to age 39.)  And then Matt stated that  the homosexual lifestyle is largely responsible for America's rising health care costs.  So, you can see why people might have complained to Allstate about him. Especially when he basically dared them to in the last part of his column: However, when militant homosexual activists attempt to quell all criticism of their behavior, force society to accept that behavior, and further attempt to alter the fabric of society by changing it to correspond with their own morally relative, androgynous notion of marriage, then those same activists shouldn’t be at all surprised to discover that they’ve angered those who value the sanctity of marriage – they shouldn’t be taken aback to find that they have one hell of fight on their hands – to expect anything less would be queer indeed.  Yes, and if Matt were smart, he should have expected to have one hell of a fight on HIS hands -- but apparently it took him completely by surprise.  HIs column came out in December, and everything was hunky dory until the end of January, when he was called into a meeting with HR, confronted with a copy of the piece, and suspended with pay.  Three days later he was fired.  But why? Let's go back to WorldNetDaily for the answer: According to an investigation by the state of Illinois' Department of Employment Security related to Barber's claim for unemployment benefits, an organization – likely a "gay"-rights group – complained to Allstate about the column. But how did the group connect Barber to the insurance company?  Well, he didn't make it too difficult for them.  Here's his MensNewsDaily bio: J. Matt Barber is a non-practicing attorney, an undefeated heavyweight professional boxer (Matt "Bam Bam" Barber), and a professional jazz drummer in the Chicago Land (IL) area. In addition to his Law Degree, Barber holds a Master of Arts in Public Policy. Matt Works for Allstate Insurance Company as a Territorial Senior Manager in Allstate's Law and Regulation Corporate Security (Internal Fraud Investigations) Department. So, it seems pretty obvious that Allstate had cause to fire Matt: for stupidity, if nothing else. But Matt told WND says that MensNewsDaily added the employment info on their own, and he never tried to link his employer into his wingnutty views.  It turns out one site that posted the column, MensNewsDaily.com, added to the bio line on the article the fact that Barber worked for Allstate. Barber says he did not include that fact in the original column submission but that the site "disclosed that without my knowledge or consent." According to Barber, he is somewhat well-known in the boxing field in Chicago, and Allstate would sometimes tout the fact that he worked for the company. So, Matt's story is that Allstate and MensNewsDaily got together, and, totally without Matt's knowledge, added that line to his bio??? Um, right.  Anyway, the jurors might find it interesting that the above bio was used for all of Matt's MND columns between Oct 16, 2004 and Dec 23, 2004 (the line about Allstate was only removed from Matt's columns after the Gay Agenda one appeared, oddly enough).   So, if MND added stuff to Matt's bio that he didn't approve of, you'd think he might have made them take it out after his first column appeared.  Or his second.  Or his third. Oh, and Matt's page at Newsbull (Newsbull: J. Matt Barber Blog) includes some of his columns, and also references his Allstate employment: A licensed attorney, Barber works for Allstate Insurance at their suburban Chicago headquarters.  [...] Barber is a staunch Republican whose long term goal is to run for Senate or Congress. So, it's rather hard to believe that on their own, MensNewsDaily just included all that info about Matt's job.  (But I can believe that he thought that writing wingnutty columns about Democrats being terrorists and homosexuals being disgusting perverts would help him run for Congress.) Anyway, after Allstate fired Matt, he filed for unemployment benefits (asking the state for money, like any good conservative would).  Allstate claimed that he wasn't eligible, because he was terminated for misconduct.  The Illinos State unemployment board said that it wasn't actually misconduct, which they defined as a "deliberate and willful violation of a reasonable rule or policy of the employer," and ruled that he was entitled to the benefits. Which seems fair, because unless Allstate had a policy that prohibited employees from writing offensive columns which reference their Allstate employment, Matt didn't actually break the rules. However, it also seems right that Allstate should be able to end their association with Matt, since he not only tarnished their good name and alienated their customers, but he also revealed himself to be an incredible idiot.  And, as John Stossel would undoubtedly say, the free market doesn't require employers to retain employees whom they think are idiots. However, Matt now has an attorney from the Christian Law Association, and they are claiming that Matt was unfairly terminated merely because he expressed his Christian viewpoint, and so his civil rights were violated. Back to WND:  Now, with the help of the Christian Law Association and David Gibbs III, who represented Terri Schiavo's family in the final weeks of her life, Barber is challenging Allstate in federal court. [...] "To have Fortune 100 companies like Allstate firing people for expressing their sincerely held religious beliefs and even their personal viewpoints on their own time demonstrates just how out of kilter things have gotten," Gibbs told WND. "Allstate aggressively pushes and promotes the homosexual agenda in the name of tolerance, but the minute someone speaks up with what would be considered the traditional moral-values viewpoint, the tolerance disappears and it results in a termination." [...] Such discriminatory action violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, Gibbs contends. Said Gibbs: "The law was intended to make sure people of faith didn't have to leave their religion or viewpoints at the workplace stairs." Gibbs compared the situation to that of racial discrimination. "Just like Allstate can't go in and say, 'We've discovered your ethnicity and we're going to fire you,' I don't believe Allstate should be able to go in and say, 'We've discovered your anti-homosexuality viewpoint and we're going to fire you.'" Well, I believe that Allstate can go in and say, "We've discovered that you're not only an ass and a moron, but that you're hurting our business -- so, we're firing you."  Of course, I'm not a lawyer or anything, but I'm pretty sure that I could prove to a jury that Matt did provide the info for that MensNewsDaily bio, and I could cite case law showing that other people have been fired for writing stuff on the internet that their employers claimed hurt the companies' reputations, and it was ruled that these individuals' civil rights weren't violated.  So, Allstate should consider retaining me for the defense.   Anyway, I thought that WorldNetDaily's piece about Matt was pretty one-sided, but I hadn't seen anything until I read Nathan Tabor's column for Renew America (and MensNewsDaily, and other wingnut sites) about the case.   Here's part of it: David Gibbs III, Terri Schiavo's former attorney, is preparing for a new foray into America's intense Culture War. This time the battle will take place on the "same-sex marriage" front, and his adversary will be Chicago based Allstate Insurance Company. It's Bam-Bam Barber vs. Allstate Insurance, here today in the scenic same-sex marriage front arena, in a bout to decide the Heavy Weight Champion of America's Intense Culture War! Gibbs has introduced to America his most recent client — J. Matt Barber. I wonder what the scans of this client's brain will reveal? To add insult to injury, just two weeks prior to being fired by Allstate, Matt's wife gave birth to their 3rd child in four years following a highly stressful at-risk pregnancy. Matt's wife really shouldn't have added insult to injury that way.  You'd think a wife would be more supportive of her beleaguered husband. She was still in recovery from her C-section surgery when Allstate, fully aware of the Barbers' situation, callously snatched away both their medical insurance and their means of providing for their young family. Additionally, the Barbers are losing their home, and may have to declare bankruptcy due to Allstate's illegal actions. Um, didn't Matt have COBRA insurance?  And what about that unemployment compensation he was granted -- didn't he use that to provide for his young family?  And it's been five months -- shouldn't he have found another job by now?  I mean, if the only reason Matt was fired was because he expressed his Christian views on same-sex marriage, shouldn't conservative Christian firms that share Matt's views be lining up to hire him? ...  Unless Matt is just using the courts as part of a "get rich quick" scheme, and this is one of those frivolous lawsuits that hurt productivity and make Jesus cry, like President Bush warned us about. Allstate forces all employees to undergo "diversity training" in promotion of the homosexual lifestyle. Within the work environment, they prohibit any vocalized opposition of either homosexuality, or "same-sex marriage." Well, then Matt is even stupider than I thought.  Man, what kind of an idiot writes anti-homosexual screeds for the internet, uses his real name, AND includes his Allstate employement info, when he knows that his employer is against vocalized opposition to homosexuality? Allstate will have a hard time wiggling their way out of this one. The State of Illinois (Department of Employment Security) has conducted a thorough investigation into Allstate's actions and has ruled, without equivocation, in favor of Mr. Barber. Um, Nathan, honey, that was a unemployment compensation case -- it's different from a religious discrimination civil suit. Armed with the findings of the State's investigation, and based upon his proven track record, there's little doubt that David Gibbs III will confront head-on, both Allstate and its radical pro-homosexual / anti-family policies with the same fervor displayed during the Terri Shiavo battle. I'm sure Gibbs can confront with the best of them, but look what happened to his last client. Perhaps the more important question for discussion, is whether a radically pro-homosexual company such as Allstate, has the right to discriminate against its employees, and to destroy them emotionally, professionally, and financially, simply because they happen to believe, and to share on their own time, what the Bible teaches about human sexuality and the sanctity of marriage. I don't believe the Bible spreads any disinformation taken from Paul Cameron's bogus data. In the former Soviet Union the answer to these questions was — Yes. In America...I hope to God the answer is still no. It is my sincerely held religious belief that that Nathan is a wanker, and Matt is a big baby and a professional victim.  (And since I got that belief from the Bible, no action can ever be taken against me.)  1:08:16 AM     comment [] trackback []

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