Ultimate Wingnut Challenge: Another Two Bite the Dust
While the judges (who would be you folks) weren't too impressed with any of the Respected Conservative Thinkers (except for Midge Decter and Charles Krauthammer, and that could be mostly due to names that just reek of wingnuttery), they gave David Brooks a stay of execution, and ordered John Tierney and George F. Will to pack their bags and get the hell off Wingnut Island.
Normally we could play some clips of their best week as they walked down the Gangplank of Shame and Failure, but I am already tired, and would fall asleep in seconds if I had to read through their material looking for good stuff. So, let's make somebody else do the work.
Well, "Brainy Quotes" has compiled some of George's, uh, brainy quotes -- let's read some of those.
All God's chillun got shoes or can get them in Mrs Marcos's closet, which is large enough to house Mr and Mrs Duvalier, itinerant nonlaborers.
Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.
Whatever right the Second Amendment protects is not as important as it was 200 years ago... The government should deconstitutionalize the subject by repealing the embarrassing Amendment.
Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose.
The unpleasant sound Bush is emitting as he traipses from one conservative gathering to another is a thin, tinny "arf" - the sound of a lap dog.
Wow, George, we barely knew ye. If you really did say all that stuff at some point in time, it's good that you're getting kicked of the island, because Ann Coulter would drink your blood for sure!
John Tierny doesn't have a "Brainy Quotes" page, but the NY Times does provide abstracts of his columns, which is a great time saver Here are a few of his best abstracts (okay, I didn't read them all, and so don't know if they are his best or not, but they are abstracts of his columns).
Making Them Squirm  July 12, 2005, Tuesday
ABSTRACT - Op-Ed column on appropriate punishment for hackers ... notes Prof Steven Landsburg's cost-benefit analysis showing that spreaders of computer viruses and worms are more logical candidates for capital punishment than murderers.
The Old And The Rested June 14, 2005, Tuesday
Op-Ed column says ... Americans' jobs are less physically demanding than their parents' were, but they are retiring younger and typically start collecting Social Security by age 62; says they are not lazy, they are just responding to well intentioned system that in practice promotes greed and sloth; says if Americans worked longer, there would be lower taxes on everyone and fewer struggling young families.
STYLE: THE WAY WE DRIVE NOW; The Autonomist Manifesto (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Road) September 26, 2004
Article praises 'smart-driving,' idea developed by group of thinkers who acknowledge social and environmental problems caused by car but argue that they would not be solved and in fact could be made worse by proposals coming from car's critics; smart-driving means more tolls, more roads and more cars, but counters smart growth notion, saying it is result of class snobbery and intellectual arrogance.
So, Tierney believes in the death penalty for hackers (because they cause economic damage, and that's the worst kind); making old people work longer to keep taxes low for families with children (because buying first class airplane tickets for the kiddies isn't cheap); and in building more roads and more cars, but in making the roads toll roads, so that somebody can make money off of the social and environmental problems caused by the cars (and if you disagree, you are an arrogant, classist, snob).
Tierney, we hardly knew ye, but we don't want to, because we already booted John Stossel off twice, and we are in no mood to put up with his contrarian twin.
Anyway, here is our Respected Conservative Thinker team line-up, plus the number of negative votes they received:
Captain Charles Krauthammer (2)
Lt. Midge Decter (5)
Private David Brooks (19)
Now, let's leave them alone to work out their pecking order and their plan to sneak over to the Korner Kids Kamp and steal JPod's Snackables. (I really see a Lord of the Flies thing happening on Wingnut Island, with Midge turning to cannibalism long before the supplies run out.)
5:36:25 AM 
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