My Brush With Greatness
While looking for something else, I came across this column over at the Fox News site: "Grrr! Flip-Flop Flap." It's by one Mike Straka, who does get it right about there being more important things to get upset about than that some members of a winning lacrosse team wore flip-flops to the White House -- however, he strays into wingnutland when he tries to elaborate on that point.
See for yourself:
And let's not forget that Bush has two daughters who have recently graduated from college themselves. I think it's refreshing that their contemporaries find the commander in chief, Barbara and Jenna's father -- so accessible that they would wear something as casual as flip-flops in his presence.
After all, the president and first lady Laura Bush are -- at least to me -- excellent role models as parents. Would your daughter wear flip-flops in front of you?
Even though, from all accounts, the Bushes have been pretty bad parents, I love Mike's claim that if your daughter would feel comfortable, say, wearing her ratty old pajamas around you (or she would dare fart, or swear, or shriek that she hates you), that means it's okay for her do those things in the White House in front of the Bushes, because they're like America's parents.
Let's also remember there's a heat wave going on here on the East Coast. In 100-degree weather, I bet even Bush was envious of his flip-flop-wearing guests.
Mike, they have A/C in the White House. I doubt the President is unduly troubled by the heat while receiving official visitors there.
You may argue that flip-flops are a little too casual, even sexy, and would be inappropriate at the White House -- but, of course, you-know-who is no longer prowling the halls looking for an intern to perform some extra-curricular activity (sorry, had to go there).
Yes, no doubt Mike's Fox contract requires him to mention the Clenis at least once a week. However, I love Mike's super-wingnutty way of bringing it into this column: claiming with all apparent seriousness that a visiting woman's lacrosse team wouldn't be safe wearing flip-flops if Clinton were around, because he would be so inflamed with lust by seeing those flat, rubber sandals that he would rape them all in the hallway.
And speaking of President Clinton, when I was a page at CBS, I had the honor to escort him through the halls of the CBS Broadcast Center, and (gasp), I wore white socks with my page uniform! Now, I do cringe when I see this picture, but I turned out all right, and for the record, I was the only one who noticed. Clinton wasn't shaking his head in disappointment at my fashion faux pas.
Mike, since you work for Fox, it's debatable whether you turned out okay or not. And while it was gracious of Clinton not to call public attention to your dorkdom, CBS isn't the White House, and so it's not quite the same thing as the topic under discussion.
And then Mike's column takes up a different news item:
Suzanne Compares Bad Reviews to Iraq
"Three's Company" has-been Suzanne Somers, who makes her living as a motivational speaker, is very upset over the reviews she got from the New York theater critics who covered her one-woman show, "The Blonde in the Thunderbird."
"These men are curmudgeons, and maybe I went too close to the bone for them. I was lying there naked, and they decided to kick me and step on me, just like these visions you see in Iraq," said Somers, according to the New York Post.
Yes, Suzanne said something very insensitive (and very, very silly), and deserves to be mocked for it. But let's see what Mike has to say.
Oh, boy. Another typical actress move. Yeah, let's compare my bad reviews to the war in Iraq.
Um, Mike, I don't think Suzanne was comparing her reviews to the "war in Iraq." You may have heard that there were some detainees in Iraq who were stripped, abused, tortured, and even killed. It happened in a place called Abu Ghraib -- ring any bells? Suzanne seems to have been comparing HERSELF to the Iraqi prisoners who were brutalized by American guards. And Mike, I think the Bush administration claims that those incidents don't typify the whole Iraq war, so you'd better watch what you say.
I don't mean to be mean to Ms. Somers, but comparing a bad review to war in Iraq has got to be the most immature thing I've ever read in my life. Grrrr.
See why I am so happy to have found Mike? He's like Fox News' very own Debbie Daniel.
And it turns out that Mike isn't just the head intern (although he's that too); he also gets to be on camera when nobody is watching:
Mike Straka is the director of operations and special projects for FOXNews.com, and covers entertainment and features on the Sunday program "FOX Magazine." He also writes the weekly Grrr! Column and hosts "The Real Deal" video segments on FOXNews.com."
So, I guess it's not surprising that I've never heard of him before. And that's why I was amused by this recent column. "Grrr! Celebrity Has-Been."
Over the weekend I received a call from an old friend whom I haven't spoken to in over 10 years. In fact, this is a guy I invited to my wedding and he didn't even have the courtesy to respectfully decline. He just ignored the invite.
Anyway, the old friend calls and tells me he's sitting with Mr. Has Been, who is going to New York to promote his new reality show, and "would I do him a favor and put him on 'The Real Deal?'"
I won't mention his name but suffice it to say that you've heard of him. This guy makes Kato Kaelin interesting.
Now, forget the presumptuousness of such a "request" from someone I hadn't spoken to in years. Imagine me explaining to the editors why I featured a has-been on my show who isn't even in the promos for his own new reality show!
Yes, I'm sure the "editors" of "The Real Deal" have very strict standards for their guests, and make sure that only reality TV personages who actually appear in the promos for their program make the cut.
That's how far gone this guy is — his own show is afraid to put him in the promos for fear nobody will watch.
After I respectfully declined such a tempting offer, I heard Mr. Has Been in the background yelling "Thanks for nothing, pal," and "I don't need your show anyway, dude."
Can you believe the audacity of this guy?
He's a has-been, and yet he had the nerve to diss Mike Straka? No, I can't believe his nerve.
You had your fifteen minutes. It's time to move on. Get a life.
But noooooo. These has-beens or one-shot wonders or Realities will hold on to their fame until the bitter end. That's why you see them as "pop culture experts" on VH1 shows about the 80s, or on "all star" versions of their respective reality shows. [...]
As for the Realities, at least they can rest in peace on the FOX Reality Channel from here until Kingdom Come.
Fox News doesn't allow has-beens on their network? Then why do Oliver North, Susan Estrich, Dick Morris, etc. keep showing up on my TV screen?
And as for my "friend" Mr. Has Been, previews of his new reality show are atrocious, so every bit of publicity will help — which is probably why he was heckling me, hoping I'd Grrr! him. Well, he was right, but I won't even mention his name.
I won't give him the satisfaction ... or the Google hit.
Wow, Mike put Vanilla Ice (or Tommy Lee, or that INXS guy, or whoever it was ) in his place. He didn't even Grrr! him -- what a burn! Man, it's almost like the guy got banned from that Real Estate infomercial, and then those twin dwarves wouldn't even mention his name in their newsletter.
Anyway, even though Mike is so famous and successful that he didn't need the Google hit, I'm happy to provide it to him, and wish him the best of luck directing operations at Fox.
9:02:50 AM 
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