Ultimate Wingnut Challenge: Respected Conservatives Trounced by Townhallers
The votes have been tallied, and it's official: Armstrong Williams is off the island. Which is just as well, because it allows him more time to pursue his study of horny bored housewives (and the hunky delivery men whom they prey on).
And speaking of bored housewives, I have a potential research subject for Armstrong: Annie Jacobsen! My theory is that she got palpitations from seeing a group of Arab men on her airplane because she had read too many Harlequin romances (see, for example, Stolen by the Sheik, The Sheik And The Runaway Princess, The Prince & The Pregnant Princess (Desert Rogues), etc.). But when the dashing Arabs refused to rock her casbah, she called the feds, who eventually went to her home to interview her. Did she greet them wearing a silk negligee ... or perhaps nothing at all. Was she a sight of ineffable grandeur? Did her body rock big time? I think this is something that Armstrong shoudl investigated, particularly as she now HAS A BOOK COMING OUT!
Terror in the Skies: Why 9-11 Could Happen Again
Annie Jacobsen’s harrowing first-hand account of her flight with a group of suspected terrorists forces us to ask: Could 9/11 happen again?
Yes, they were suspected terrorists because Annie suspects them. And her experience was harrowing because she felt harrowed, what with the men holding a McDonald's sack, going to the lavatory, and being swarthy.
In Terror in the Skies, Jacobsen tells, for the first time, the full story of the events on Northwest 327 and the investigation that followed.
Damn, we thought she'd already milked this until its nipples fell off, but still, she just keeps on being terrorized. Armstrong, sexual frustration has to be involved somehow.
Anyway, not only did Armstrong have to walk the Gangplank of Shame and Failure, but his team received 26 negative votes (only 16 of them because of him). This means that the Respected Conservatives (now consisting of Charles Krauthammer and Midge Decter) will be severely penalized in the next round. I'm not exactly sure what will happen to them, but believe me, it will be horrific.
And to the winners (VBen Shapiro, Doug Giles, and leastly, Dr. Mike Adams) go the spoils (rotted fruit, moldy bread, fermented milk, etc.) They also get a brief encore appearance, as a way to thank YOU, the voters, for keeping them around.
So, here's an excerpt the latest installment in Doug's series, The Complete Loser's Guide to Sucking -- it's called "Habit Se7en: Be a self obsessed me-monkey.
Since you don’t seek to be anywhere near that which is noble I would run from Christ’s teachings like James Dobson would from Janet Reno if she tried to French kiss him.
What is it with Doug and Janet Reno?
A quick Google search reveals that Doug seems to be obsessed with her (maybe it's just a youthful crush, but it's starting to get creepy). Here are just a few of the times he's mentioned Janet in his columns:
Doug Giles: Robust Faith or Flabby Religion? Part IV
... wants to take hold of God as much as Ted Nugent wants to soul kiss Janet Reno.
Doug Giles: Misinterpreting the Hand of God
... the desires of your heart” have all the appeal of dirty dancing with Janet Reno.
Doug Giles: Bold Bush Versus Scary Kerry
... to your sister’s first clarinet recital or watching Janet Reno floss. ...
Doug Giles: ClashPoint: The Arrogant Excretions of the Media Elite
Their biased bunk is more obvious than Janet Reno subbing in an all boy ...
Doug, Doug, Doug. Sure, she's a fine woman, but she's not for you. Move on with your life, okay? Perhaps you could patch up things with Dr. Mike -- he's more your type.
And speaking of obsessions, here's Ben Shapiro with "Why the 'Chickenhawk' argument is unamerican: part II." And why is the "argument" unAmerican this week? Well, apparently because liberals are preventing Ben from speaking because he won't enlist. And how are they repressing him? By hurting his feelings -- and that's unAmerican!
Sheehan's political allies have thrown the fallacious and dishonest "chickenhawk" slur at President Bush in order to discredit the war in Iraq. Richard Bradley, one of the many cynical Sheehan-users over at Arianna Huffington's website, expresses the "chickenhawk" argument this way: "Thanks in large part to Cindy Sheehan, people are starting to raise the issue of why Jenna and Barbara Bush aren't serving in the military. It's a tough question, but I think it's a fair one."
This isn't a fair question -- in fact, it's an un-American question. Those who do not serve in the military have just as much of a right to speak out about foreign policy as those who do.
Ben is right! We should certainly let Jenna and NotJenna share with us their views on foreign policy, despite their lack of combat experience (and despite all the brain cells they killed off while in college). In fact, to show we're not commies, we should adopt all ther suggestions, and even let them replace Condi Rice as Secretary of State -- ot even install them as co-Presidents. After all, that's the American way.
Oh, and the Constitution also says that while Ben should be allowed to spout off without anybody making fun of him, Cindy Sheehan should be forced to shut up, because not being pro-war, she has no right to speak, let alone to mention her dead son. Again, that's the American way.
Even though we lost Armstrong, we will have Dr. Mike to fill the "unseemly preoccupation with other people's sex lives" niche. And here he is with "Perversity and diversity at my little university."
In an effort to ... become the most idiotic university in North Carolina, UNCW is helping to sponsor a showing of the film “Trans Generation.” In fact, the Office of Campus Diversity, the Office of the Dean of Students, and the UNCW Women’s Resource Center are all pitching in to help.
For those who don’t know, “Trans Generation” is an eight-part documentary series that charts the lives of four college students undergoing “gender transition.”
[...]
Since it is free and open to the public, I plan to bring a lot of friends and ask a lot of questions. Some of them follow:
Presumably the questions, not the friends.
1. I noticed that the Women’s Resource Center is co-sponsoring this program. Is that because they are pleased that two of the students in the film wanted to have surgery in order to become women?
2. Is the Women’s Resource Center offended by the two women who wanted to become men? Will the two new men get their new hoo-hoo dillies from the two new women? How does that work, exactly?
3. When a woman has a hoo-hoo dilly surgically attached, does that not legitimize Freud’s sexist notion of penis envy? Is that something the Women’s Center really wants to touch - figuratively speaking?
And so on, to include two more "hoo-hoo dilly" mentions. (Odd that Mike gets such pleasure mentioning hoo-hoo dillies, but gets E.D. when feminists say "vagina, vagina." I wonder what Freud would say about that?)
So, congratulations to the Townhall team: you have shown the world what wingnuttery is all about. But don't get cocky (or hoo-hoo dilly). Because the Low-Rent Wingnuts may be even more wingnutty than you -- and they will get a chance to show their stuff very soon, possibly against the Blog Stars. It won't be pretty.
2:38:46 AM 
|
