Kaye Grogan Voted Least Wingnutty?!?
Another sign that we live in the end times.
Anyway, you're only as wingnutty as your last column, and Kaye's was pretty weak. As many of you noted, she basically disqualified herself by failing to blame Cindy Sheehan for Hurricane Katrina. Also, she also missed a real opportunity to re-use her superb "Unfounded accusations against presidents should be a felony" column in order to defend George Bush from any Katrina-related criticism. So, sing along with me, "Na na, Na na na ha, Hey hey, Good-bye."
As Kaye walks the lonely Gangplank of Shame and Failure, let us enjoy one of her poems, "That Fateful 9/11 Day":
The first plane hit the North Tower, and with it took many lives.
The second plane hit the South Tower also taking with it many husbands and wives.
The nation was in shock, as the smoke billowed and the mighty buildings leveled to the ground.
Screams echoed throughout the great city, as the massive rubble trapped those forever encased . . . underneath a burial mound.
Um, maybe reading her poetry wasn't such a great idea, so forget I ever mentioned it. Instead, here's a clip from one of her recent columns, "If you don't want your children to grow up to be heroes . . ." It's about Cindy Sheehan.
With so many people in America aiding and abetting the enemy, how can the mission in Iraq be a success?
So, see, it's Cindy Sheehan's fault that we're losing in Iraq.
Anyway, more American children are killed in car accidents than on foreign soil in wars (you can't deny that, can you?), proving that, um, it's safer for kids to go to war than ride in cars. And dying in a war is better than dying in an accident, in that in a war you have a better chance of taking other people with you when you go.
Kaye explains it better than I do, so here's Kaye:
Men and women don't have to go to war to end up a fatality. More people are killed(especially children) in America every day, than on foreign soil in wars. In 1992 there were 20,818 homicides in the United States. None of these homicides were war related. In 2001 more than 41,000 people were killed in automobile accidents. At least troops are dying for a noble cause.
And hey, Cindy's son could have died at the hands of an abortionist if he hadn't been killed in Iraq, so she should quit griping.
How many sons and daughters died at the hands of abortionists' last year? What purpose did this serve above shifting the responsibility of sexual misconduct onto the shoulders of little innocent babies who had nothing to do with their ill-fated conception?
And what about Jesus? He died, but you don't see His mother blaming George Bush.
I am also reminded of a mother named Mary, who watched her son crucified on an ole' "rugged cross" to save a dying world. And right now there are many people who are rejecting this great sacrifice.
So, Cindy, be more like Jesus's mother, and shut the f-- up.
If only Kaye had submitted that piece last week, she might have had a fighting chance in this round.
Or not, since the topic this week was "Why Homosexuals, Liberals, Smokers, Drinkers, and Gluttons Were Responsible for Hurricane Katrina." So, here's the column that Kaye should have written (but which was instead penned by fellow Renew America pundit Mary Mostert): "New Orleans anarchy linked to its drug and alcohol consumption?"
While it is sad and embarrassing to most Americans to read reports of the anarchy that has occurred in New Orleans in the wake of hurricane Katrina, what is really surprising to me is that people are surprised it happened. New Orleans, the "Big Easy," has an economy and a culture that for 300 years as glorified and ADVERTISED its Sins as a reason for tourists to come visit.
Yes, per Mary, most Americans aren't saddened and embarrassed to read reports indicating that the government did a horrible job in rescuing and aiding the city's inhabitants. No, they are chagrined that the people there behaved badly while dying of thirst, disease, and drowning.
Mary then quotes an ad apparently put out by the New Orleans tourist board (or something similar). Here's the part that really got her goat (emphasis Mary's):
"This is New Orleans. Feel free to fall in love. Sin at will. There's always time for guilt tomorrow, or the next day. Eat. Drink. Be merry.
Let it all hang out. Dance wildly. Lose control. Yelp and yowl. Howl at the moon, if you're so compelled. Or just take it easy. Get a good night's sleep. Sip café au lait at dawn and watch the rich, muddy waters of the Mississippi turn golden-red with the rising sun."
As far back as 1884, Mark Twain noted that "New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin."
Yes, the residents of New Orleans brought all this on themselves by encouraging tourists to gorge themselves on beignets.
As Mary explains:
While all that sin and self-indulgence may be tempting for the tourist trade, there are some very practical reasons why is really doesn't create a good city to live in. The amount of alcohol, illegal drugs, prostitution, gluttony and crime in New Orleans has been part of the lure of New Orleans for generations.
Then — it suddenly vanished literally overnight this week as the entire city was literally washed away when the levees broke. It was not just food and water that disappeared over night. It also was the alcohol, the legal and the illegal drugs, the tobacco, the prostitution, the gambling that also disappeared. We are watching a city in which tens of thousands of alcohol, drug and tobacco users have suddenly, and unwillingly, stopped using their addictive drug of choice.
Yes, the creeps who allegedly raped children were just undergoing nicotine cravings -- that explains it all.
As near as I can determine from what I have read, just about NO ONE in the business of disaster management was prepared for what should have been an obvious problem when thousands of people living in the "Sin City" environment of New Orleans were thrown together in refugee shelters. Besides the normal difficulties of the disaster, some of those refugees obviously were suffering the agonies of cold turkey withdrawal pains because President Bush lacked the foresight to stockpile and promptly distribute the mind-altering substances to which they are accustomed.
Food, clean water, insulin, baby formula: the degenerates in New Orleans were addicted to them all. So, we certainly can't blame President Bush for any disaster mismanagement if the people of New Orleans didn't get these items -- it's the residents' fault, for needing them.
Besides, those blaming Bush or FEMA for any inconveniences that they might have suffered (such as nearly dying) are probably just hopped up on goofballs, So, we can safely ignore anything they might say.
In 2003, there were 162 drug rehabilitation and addiction treatment centers in Louisiana, treating thousands for alcohol and/or drug abuse problems. Just reading some of the news reports that quote irrational and angry citizens who are blaming President Bush or the disaster relief personnel for their problems, sound to me like drug and alcohol users I have met over the years that were drunk, drugged or crazed for want their preferred mind-altering substance.
Unfortunately, the way our news media works, the comments of the drunk, the drugged, the crazed and the irresponsible are most apt to be the subject of any story's headline.
Can you give us an example of one of those crazed, irresponsible, drugged-up citizens whom the media likes to quote, Mary?
For example, the off-script remarks made by rapper Kanye West last night on ABC's "Good Morning America" Concert series at New York's Lincoln Center to raise money to help victims of the disaster probably convinced a lot of Americans the victims were not worth helping. After calling President Bush a racist who didn't care about blacks (New Orleans's population is 67% black), he said: "So anybody out there that wants to do anything that we can help — with the way America is set up to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off, as slow as possible.
See, by pointing out that the victims were predominately black and poor, West probably convinced a lot of Americans that they weren't worth helping. And that's proof that he's been smoking the wacky tobaccy, and that the media should just disregard his comments.
And instead they should focus on, um, how black policemen are quitting their jobs because black people are shooting at them, while the brave (white) President Bush never gives up, even though he too is being shot at by angry citizens. (Or something.)
I suggest to the media that the real story here is why trained, local black policemen are quitting their jobs rather than trying to help people of their own race who are shooting at them while complaining the police are not doing enough to help them. President Bush, after all, is still on HIS job, doing what he can to assist.
And while his efforts aren't worth a damn, if you complain about anything, then you're obviously a crackhead. Or a glutton. In any case, the people of New Orleans brought this on themselves by trying to attract scum-sucking tourists, and by being addicted to tobacco, alcohol, and food -- and none of that is Bush's fault, is it?
Yes, that's the column that could have saved Kaye, if she had but switched papers with Ms. Mostert. But instead, we send Kaye back to "civilization," along with ... this lovely "parting" gift: Waterproof Vibrators: Mini Pink Leopard Vibrator at Toys in Babeland. Hey, it came up when I did a Google search for "Kaye Grogan" (REALLY!), which must mean something. I'm guessing that it's a tribute to this self-portrait of Kaye:
Anyway, buh-bye, Kaye. Don't forget to write.
And congrats to our our remaining Low-Rent contestants (Swank and Schlussel), and the triumphant Blog Stars (Hindrocket, the Tea-Man, and the Lizard Queen). They all live to compete another day. Alas.
2:26:10 AM 
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