World O'Crap

Mon, 01 May 2006 06:23:34 GMT

An Important Message That Will Change Your Life

For the next step in our world domination plan, we are leaving this realm of Salon blogs, and evolving into beings of pure matter. Or rather, getting our own domain (http://www.world-o-crap.com) and associated blog (http://world-o-crap.com/blog). Go over there RIGHT NOW (well, you can finish reading this post first) for news about a cool, new contest which will give you a chance to win a NEW CAR! or A MILLION DOLLARS!*

Scott C. will be sharing blogging duties with me. Other exciting developments will follow (to possibly include human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, and mass hysteria).

I'll leave the archives here for a while as a monument of man's stupidity to man (since I'm paid up with Salon for a few more months), but the new posts will be at the new site. And in the coming days and years (depending on how much energy I have after walking two dogs and fighting in the Ant Wars), I'll be asking whatever kind bloggers who linked to this site to change their links.

Any suggestions about the new site will be welcomed (probably).

Anyway, welcome to the dawn of a new age.

* Prizes of lesser value may be substituted at the discretion of contest organizer. Many will enter, many will lose. You may have to listen to a short presentation by Erik Estrada in order to claim your prize, but hey, you could probably really use a time-share condo in South Dakota.

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 21:54:13 GMT

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

As a special treat for you, the folks, here's another chapter in the high-adrenaline, "24"-esque adventure that is my life.

First, the fence guys never came back to install the fencing. (I'm sure you're shocked, SHOCKED, to learn that contractors didn't shop up when they said they would, but I assure you that it really happened.) But at least they installed the fence posts, which gives the place that Stonehenge quality I've been seeking. (You know, I bet that's what Stonehenge was after all -- an unfinished fence.)

Second, I had to give Zorro back to the rescue group. He growled at every single person we met. He snapped at the cats. He bit my sister. And, he was making Yodie really anxious with all that humping (he never let up). I just didn't feel like I could keep him under the circumstances. While I feel kind of bad at not being up to the challenge, I did give a donation which will help the group keep him in style until they find a suitable owner for him. (I suggested a hermit who has no other dogs, never associates with the neighbors, and has no sisters.) Plus, I got him cleaned up and semi-housetrained, so the rescue lady thanked me for helping to make him more adoptable. All in all, it was a character-building experience for all concerned.

Despite the overbearing attentions of Zorro, Yodie still seemed eager for a canine companion (and the cats still needed a break from all the ear tugging and wrestling that he inflicted upon them), so . . . .yesterday I got a puppy. Here's a photo:

(She's much more adorable than this photo would indicate, but I couldn't get her to sit still and stop chewing the camera cord long enough to get anything better.)

She's an 11-week old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Blenheim model. I got her from a breeder who was willing to give me a deal because her markings don't conform to the standard (she has the "mask" over only one eye.) So, as Scott C. described her, she's a factory second. But she is the cutest puppy ever, and is very, very sweet and eager to please (she makes a nice contrast from Yodie, who is very cute, and very, very mischievous and eager to bring down civilization as we know it.) My mother suggested that I name her Flossie, in honor of my late grandmother Florence (who was also very amiable and sweet-natured, but who had shorter ears and a didn't chew up newspapers.) So, that will probably be ner name.

Later I will tell you about our misadventure with the ants, but my doggie masters have awoken, and are demanding walkies.

But speaking of changes, tomorrow we will announce what may possibly be the biggest news in the history of the world (of crap)!. Stay tuned.

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 06:55:24 GMT

Rush Limbaugh, Drug Fraud

Here are my favorite bits from the story of Rush Limbaugh's belated and inadequate date with Lady Justice:

Talk radio icon Rush Limbaugh surrendered to authorities Friday on a charge of committing fraud to obtain prescription drugs, concluding an investigation that for more than two years has hovered over the law-and-order conservative.

The charge will be dropped in 18 months, said his attorney, Roy Black, provided that Limbaugh continues treatment for drug addiction, as he has for 2 1/2 years. According to an agreement with the Palm Beach County state's attorney's office, Limbaugh also must pay $30,000 to defray the costs of the investigation, as well as $30 a month for his supervision.

My question is, who is going to supervise Rush for $30 a month? (I wonder if it's some of the convicts from the big house -- I hear they work cheap.)

I also liked this part:

The news that Limbaugh, a savage critics of others' moral behavior, was addicted to drugs was taken as a sign of hypocrisy by his detractors. His friends and staunchest fans, however, said Limbaugh was merely working through the kinds of challenges that can affect anyone.

Well, the kind of challenges that can affect any drug-addicted fraud.

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 08:08:06 GMT

Wingnut o' the Day

Our first candidate is Renew America's Warner Todd Huston, whose entry is called "Turning our daughters into whores -- is it the modern way?" It's about how Planned Parenthood is turning our daughters into whores by telling them about condoms.

Warner Todd
Huston

Here's a sample from Warner's piece:

Modern western civilizations have always been held apart from third world nations and past monarchist or despotic societies because of the special standing that their girl children have had. Particularly the protective status that our little girls are accorded is one of the civilizing factors that separates us from the more brutal, uncaring societies where girls are treated as mere playthings, slaves or, worse yet, a curse on a family.

For many generations we have considered our girls as something to protect, to be kept pure and free of the ravages of a hard life until they are ready to enter into the world properly prepared. "Daddy's little girl" is placed on a pedestal and we men joke of sending our little girls to a convent to keep them from those predatory boyfriends. After all, we were ourselves once young men full of raging hormones and we know exactly what those boys want with our little girls. Immediately thoughts of this send men in our society into protector mode. [...]

Our cave man urges rise to the side of our daughters.

... unless you are a member of Planned Parenthood.

Yeah, Western society is way better than third world nations which treat daughters as slaves, because we attempt to control our daughters' sexuality. Hey, if it was good enough for cave men, it's good enough for us.

But on to the Planned Parenthood ad which is turning our daughters into prostitutes.

This new TV ad begins with a woman in the role of a construction worker, wielding power tools and wearing a hard hat. The girl's voice-over tells us that her Father always told her to "use the right tool for the right job."

When the construction-working woman gets home after a day's work, she finds a man waiting in her bed. The woman casts aside her hard hat and opens a toolbox filled with condoms. The voice over ends the ad saying "Nice tool."

(See the ad by Clicking here)

Talk about treating sex in a trivial way. Planned Parenthood is again guilty of objectifying our girls and telling them to treat sex as mere fun, offering condoms as an avenue to that end — a mere "tool" to be used as mindlessly as one might a power tool. And the comment that her Daddy is condoning this offhanded treatment of her sexual relations is a strike against our society, turning girls from something to protect into something merely to desire and from whom to expect easy sexual conquests.

So, papas, don't let your daughters grow up to be construction workers -- because they'll use power tools as casually as they do condoms, and will also become sluts who think they can use prophylactics to help prevent unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. And then we will be no better than the Chinese.

Our next applicant for the title of Wingnut o' the Day is San Francisco radio harridan Melanie Morgan. (Melanie has the distinction of having had a made-for-TV movie based on her story of her gambling addiction -- so, she's already one up on both Warner and Bill Bennett.)

Melanie's WorldNetDaily column, "Mary McCarthy's leftist ties," reveals the shocking truth about CIA whistle blower/leaker McCarthy: she donated money to Democratic candidates, and some Democrats are liberals!!!

Melanie Morgan

Here are some excerpts from Melanie's entry:

McCarthy is a revolting figure who deserves condemnation and prosecution for her crimes against the CIA and her nation.

Her motivations are obvious: She has an abundance of disdain for the Bush administration and a tough, pro-American foreign policy, in general.

McCarthy contributed $7,000 to help John Kerry's 2004 presidential campaign, along with other contributions she has made to the Democratic National Committee and to Democrat candidates running on a "Blame America First" platform.

Most notably, McCarthy has twice contributed to the Democrat challenger to Republican Congressman Curt Weldon. Weldon achieved fame when he broke the news that the 9-11 commission and others were covering up the fact that the Clinton aministration knew the identities of the 9-11 terrorists before 2001 and knew they were in this country taking flight lessons.

I think you know what it means that McCarthy donated (TWICE!!!) to the campaign of the unnamed Democratic candidate who was running against the demonstrably insane Weldon -- it means that she hates America!

The common theme to many of McCarthy's political contributions is the presence of Clinton's NSC chief, Sandy Berger. .

How exactly is Berger a "common theme" to McCarthy's political contributions? Melanie doesn't explain -- but I think she is implying that belonging to the Democratic Party is comparable to being a member of the Communist Party (with Berger being a cell leader, or something), and so McCarthy is basically a commie spy.

Berger achieved fame for stuffing top secret documents down his pants and stealing them from the National Archives. He later destroyed those documents that incriminated the Clinton administration for their failures to address the terrorist threat posed by al-Qaida.

How many inaccuracies, lies, and canards can YOU spot in the above paragraph? (Here's a link to a WSJ story just to get you started.)

Now, for the exciting conclusion:

The Clintonites are so desperate to regain power that they are willing to sell out our national security to do it. And the reporters who serve as agents for this effort are rewarded for executing their role in the effort.

Right has become wrong. Good has become bad.

And the people who are hurting America are being rewarded.

McCarthy was rewarded by getting fired shortly before she was already scheduled to retire, and by being blamed for stuff she didn't do. (But I guess it was part of her cunning plan to put Bill Clinton back in the Oval Office.)

You know, to be fair, someone like Melanie, who is HELPING America, should get the same rewards as McCarthy.

Anyway, those are the two candidates for the coveted title of "Wingnut o' the Day." May the wingnuttier person win!

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 07:09:11 GMT

Turning Heads

TIME mag gives their assessment of Why Bush Chose Tony Snow as His New Spokesman. Here's my favorite bit:

[A senior administration official] said Josh Bolten — who has carried out a swift White House makeover since taking over as chief-of-staff on the afternoon of April 14 — and Counselor Dan Bartlett view the selection of Snow as a key part of giving a new wind to a White House that has suffered repeated seatbacks. "They need a big name to turn heads and send a message to the press that we care enough to put a big player here who cares enough about this job to give up a lot to take it," the official said.

Yes, the press is going to be blown away by the fact that a big name like Tony Snow accepted the gig as Bush's new spokesman. After all, even the hardbitten, disillusioned, old SOBs who make up the media will have to think kindly of an administration who hired the guy who played the Beav's big brother to tap dance for them, and they will undoubtedly print only good things about the President from now on.