Don't Die Wondering

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 16:23:44 GMT

Walkabout

By Dixie Darr

One of the pleasures of living in North Denver is walking around the neighborhood. I’ve been rediscovering the joys of walking after an injury kept me off my feet for almost two years. These days I walk with orthotics in my shoes and an inhaler in my pocket, but neither dims my delight in heading out in the cool early morning to see what’s happening in Highland neighborhood today.

My favorite route leads me south through Scottish Village, where the curved streets, called Fife, Argyle, Caithness and Dunkeld, are unknown to anyone outside the neighborhood. Here the houses stand close together and close to the street. Like in the rest of Highland, bounded by Federal, 38^th Avenue, Speer Blvd. and I-25, several newly remodeled houses are on the market. One boasts a for sale sign offering “good feng shui.” A man whose feng shui seems to have deserted him is walking up the street lugging a brown vinyl suitcase and a black backpack, both stuffed full. He looks away as I approach.

Heading east on Caithness, I pass Highland Zuni Plaza, where the recently opened Daily Wag Doggie Day Care Center joins the typical mix of Mexican restaurant, pizza place, barber shop, hair salon, import store, laundromat and market. I cross Zuni and continue east on 30^th Avenue, passing an architect’s studio and an art gallery, plus a small old commercial building now converted into two residences. It’s this eclectic mix of commercial, residential and retail, old and new, that keeps the neighborhood endlessly fascinating.

Suddenly, a long-eared brown and white dog starts barking and running toward me. I turn to cross the street, hoping it will stop when I am out of it’s territory, when I hear a woman calling, “Nellie, stop that!” Nellie? I’m being attacked by a vicious beast named Nellie? Her owner grabs the dog’s collar and apologizes. “She’s really very friendly.” Nellie and I make peace and I walk on. In front of me is the historic Asbury Methodist Church, whose tower dominates our neighborhood skyline from downtown. When I first returned to North Denver in 1978, the church had a Korean congregation. They moved out and left it empty for several years until someone bought it with the intention of converting it into a luxurious private residence complete with an indoor swimming pool. Now it’s a church again.

I turn left and head uphill to 32^nd Avenue. For years, I’ve longed for the business district on the east side of Federal to acquire some of the charm and bustling quality of the Highlands Square area at 32^nd and Lowell, without losing the flavor of the businesses catering to our Mexican immigrant population. Now a few storefronts are empty and I eagerly watch for what’s to come. Already we have a tiny used bookstore on Tejon, and next door, a sign and window display announces a soon-to-open boutique and gallery. Between these shops and an established live-work loft building, construction continues on a gutted brick apartment building which, I’m sure, will soon sport a sign offering loft-style living to more new North Denver residents. Across the street is RosaLinda’s Mexican cafe and Lucia’s Casa de Café, considered by many to be the heart of Highland. A brown paper bag sits by Lucia’s door, and I laugh as a squirrel rips a hole in the bag and scores a bagel. The staff will probably not be so amused when they arrive to open the café.

Below Tejon, newly constructed loft apartments and condos have replaced several blocks of small single family houses. So far, they don’t threaten to obliterate the neighborhood the way townhouses did in Cherry Creek, and the young professionals who live there bring another spice to the stew of Northwest Denver. At 34^th, I turn east again to walk past my favorite new construction, a single family house and a duplex near the corner of 34^th and Quivas. Both are modern stucco interpretations of adobe casas that somehow fit right in. Note to Walter Keller: Get some of these new houses and lofts on our next house tour, okay?

My route takes me past three community gardens, where neighbors gather every summer to grow flowers and vegetables. Now that people are replacing lawn with flowers, the front yard gardens are a special delight. Roses bloom everywhere, along with daisies, pinks, and some lingering iris.

As I head home, I pass the old Mount Carmel convent, now the Saint Francis of Assisi Friary. It’s nice to live in a neighborhood with monks. Just a few more blocks now and I’m home. The experts say my morning constitutional gives me physical, spiritual, psychological and intellectual benefits. I just know it makes me happy. Walk on.

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Thu, 08 Apr 2004 19:37:49 GMT

Maybe you Misunderstood Me, God

By Dixie Darr

Once during Sunday school, I was listening to Becca, a young woman in her early twenties, talk about a skills exercise we were doing and I heard a little voice in my head say, "I'd like to mentor one of these young people." It surprised me because I've always avoided having anything to do with kids. Of course, Becca isn't a "kid" but she's young enough to be below my radar. I kept thinking (and praying) about that after the class.

A few days later, when our youth minister asked me to mentor a junior high student, my first reaction was, "Uh-oh. I should have been more specific." I've never taught kids, never had much to do with them. Never really liked them (even when I was one).

But that's what happens when you pray about something. Sometimes the answer isn't what you expected or wanted. My friend, Sheila, a newly ordained minister with the AME church, told her pastor that she wanted to work with hospice patients and teach a Bible study class—anything but work with youth. “My kids are grown now,” she explained. “I already did that.” Of course he promptly assigned her to be the youth minister, a position she grew to love.

When my students form learning teams, they tend to stick with the tasks they are already familiar with. “Remember,” I tell them. “You’re here to learn new things, not just continue to do what you already do well.” We all have to step outside our comfort zones to learn how to do new things. So, this afternoon, I’m meeting Brianna, my own personal 13-year old mentee. Wish me luck. A few prayers wouldn’t hurt either. That’s what got me into this in the first place.

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Wed, 07 Apr 2004 13:13:48 GMT

A Message from God

By Dixie Darr

Sunday afternoon, I went to a Tea Talk at a local new age-type church. The topic was Creating the Work You Love. The speaker was very good, but the best moment for me was when a 55-year old woman named Cherie stood up and said that in fourth grade, she told her teacher that she would write a book and be a public speaker when she was 60. She knew this absolutely because she had gotten a message from God or the universe telling her so.

At the end of the event, I rushed to meet her, because at the same age, I’d gotten an almost identical message. Mine was a little more general, telling me that my best years would be after age 60. Cherie said her knowledge of this future event made her feel very free in her younger years. She didn’t worry about dying early because she knew she’d live at least until 60 to fulfill her mission. She didn’t (and doesn’t) worry about growing older because she knows there are good things waiting for her. We agreed to get together and talk some more. Neither of us has ever before met anybody else with this experience.

We expect God to call to us in a booming James Earl Jones kind of voice, or as our speaker that day said, put it in lights on a giant marquee. Instead it comes in a nudge or a small voice inside our heads. My messages come in that internal voice, which is, in fact, my own voice. No wonder I often ignore it. Sometimes, though, the message gets through. I’m 56 now and in training for those best years to come. The closer I get to 60, the more excited I get to see what’s in store for me.

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Tue, 06 Apr 2004 14:55:17 GMT

It’s a Good Thing

By Dixie Darr

“These days, the mind that’s standing still is, in fact, slipping backwards down the competitive ladder. Fast.” Tom Peters

I don’t understand the criticism about politicians “flip-flopping” on the issues. As an educator, I see the ability to learn, grow and change your mind as a positive characteristic. How do you become educated if you are never open to examining and re-evaluating your beliefs? Luckily, at least one of my students agrees with me. About forty and in his fifth university class, he said he has had to change his mind about something in every class. “It’s hard,” he said, “but it’s great. I know I’m learning something.”

In the same class, another student said he believes that anybody who doesn’t support our government about the war in Iraq, should go live in Iraq. I told him I thought that statement was un-American. The first amendment guarantees us the right to disagree with our government. It’s one of the basic values that makes us American. If we didn’t have that right, we might as well be living in Iraq. He grudgingly agreed, but made it clear he wasn’t about to change his mind. I predict a tough time in college-–and in life-- for him.

If there is one constant in our world, it is change, and the only way to cope with it is to continually learn and adapt. As author Charles Handy said, “Those who are always learning are those who can ride the waves of change and who see a changing world as full of opportunities.” That’s why I see so many people over fifty going back to school to change their careers, change their lives and change their minds. If only our politicians would do the same, the world might be a better place for all of us.

Tue, 06 Apr 2004 03:36:50 GMT

Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It

By Dixie Darr

We were put on earth for a reason. Some lucky people seem to be born knowing why they are here. Others spend their lives seeking their mission. You’re never too old to continue the search. As Richard Bach, the author of Illusions said, “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.”

On the theory that you teach what you need to learn, I recently taught a class in Finding Your Mission in Life. Here’s what I learned. It’s a popular topic. A Google search resulted in 4,710,000 hits. Amazon shows 67,097 related books. Remember, the Blues Brothers were “on a mission from God.”

Even those who recognize and follow their calling early in life may find that it changes shape at different stages in their lives. One of my students, Diane, spent the first several years of her adult life as a stay-at-home mom, devoting her time and energy to raising her children. As they grew older and more independent, Diane searched for another way to use her care giving talent. Transforming her family home into a group home for developmentally disabled young men allowed her to continue parenting on a different level.

Now in her mid-forties, she is returning to college to earn a nursing degree, learning new skills and credentials, but continuing on her path of providing care to those in need. She and her husband have already started laying the foundation for their non-retirement. They have started a non-profit corporation, Assisted Adventures. "This company integrates my love of travel with my desire to continue to help those less fortunate than me, by providing direct care and assistance to developmentally disabled adults that have the ability to travel with supervision."

This will use all of her previous experiences and allow the couple to continue earning a living while doing the traveling they look forward to.

As is evident in Diane’s story, your mission combines your values and talents with the issues that are important to you. Author Frederick Buechner explains that your calling “is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” So begin your search for mission by defining what you really love to do. If you don’t know, ask a friend or family member what subject makes you light up when you talk about it. Then think about how you can use that talent or interest to make the world a better place.

Some people seem to think they’re here to accumulate as much money or material goods as possible, and that doing what they love means living in poverty. One friend told me, “people who make a lot of money are miserable.” I disagree. I don’t think Bill Gates is miserable, and he certainly seems to be doing what makes him happy. Most movie stars, rock stars, and best-selling writers are doing work they love and making a whole lot of money doing it. We need to remember that it isn’t money, but the LOVE of money that is the root of all evil. Stephen King didn’t get into writing because he heard he could make a lot of money. He started writing because he loved it, couldn’t not do it.

Here’s a test to see if you’ve found your mission. If you won the lottery, would you you’re your job? Answer yes and you’re in the wrong line of work.

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Dixie Darr is on a mission from God to tell the stories of people who changed careers after age 50. Send your stories to dixiedarr@excite.com

Mon, 01 Mar 2004 14:29:21 GMT

Forget Retirement

By Dixie Darr

An old friend wrote last week that she is retiring in June at the age of 54. I’m having a hard time feeling happy for her. It isn’t, as you might expect, envy. I’m just not a fan of retirement. It was a concept invented at the end of the last millennium to fit twentieth century needs. American society and individual Americans have different needs in the twenty-first century and one of those needs is to redesign how we will spend the years after age 65.

Retirement is supposed to be the payoff for a life of hard work, the reward of leisure and the good life. Finally you will have the time and money to do what you've always wanted to do: travel, play golf, go fishing, read War and Peace, spend time with your children and grandchildren. The reality for many people is that a steady diet of leisure is BORING. You don't become a different person overnight when you turn 65, so if you don't spend your free time traveling, golfing, fishing, and reading now, you probably won't be happy doing it in retirement. And you have only to look back at your own life when your parents first retired to understand that when you turn 65, in ten or twenty years, your children and grandchildren will be far too busy with their own lives to have much time to spend with you.

When the social security act was passed in 1935, it was not because Congress compassionately believed that older people deserved some leisure in their declining years. Instead, they believed it was in the best interest of our culture to remove older people from the workforce to make room for younger workers with families to support. Then, in the spirit of American entrepreneurship, new businesses sold the myth of the Golden Years. Entire industries grew to keep the elderly busy and out of the way.

That we have bought the myth of the golden years is evident. When I ask my students, who are mostly in their thirties, to discuss their plans for the future, they talk about the jobs they want to have, their families' development, and further education they want to pursue. Then, they state the age when they want to retire. The End. Usually, the younger they are, the earlier they want to retire. They never indicate why they want to retire or what they want to do after retirement. It's just retirement, period. Since they clearly see retirement as the end, I wonder why they're so eager to get there.

What if you were told instead that, after raising your family and working hard at your job for thirty, forty or fifty years, you had to spend the last twenty or so years of your life bored, isolated and useless, in a desperate struggle to keep busy with meaningless activities? That, in fact, is how baby boomers seem to view retirement.

A 1998 poll by AARP confirmed that more than 80 percent of baby boomers planned to work at least part-time beyond the age of 65. Only 16% say they won't work at all. When it comes to retirement, baby boomers seem to be echoing one of our popular rallying cries of the 1960s: "Hell, no. We won't go!"

I’ve spent much of the last few years interviewing people who decided to reinvent their lives after 50. Instead of retiring, they went back to college, started businesses, and pursued more meaningful work. They believe that retirement is for people who think of work as a four-letter word and that human beings are not meant to do nothing. They are a constant source of inspiration to me. If you know people like them, please let me know (dixiedarr@excite.com). I’d love to tell their stories here so they can inspire you, too.

Sun, 08 Feb 2004 14:58:08 GMT

A Journey of a Thousand Miles

By Dixie Darr

"Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you ready or not, to put this plan into action." Napolean Hill

I watch and read movie reviews, but never go to the movies and rarely rent one to watch at home. This seemingly paradoxical behavior results from two conflicting desires. The first is a desire to keep up with popular culture and the second is to protect my time for more productive pursuits. The reviews give me the scoop on movies without my having to spend two or three hours in a theater. I prefer to stay home and read (or write) a book.

We all have these little inconsistencies and idiosyncracies and most of them are harmless. My friend Kathy collects cookbooks, but she doesn’t cook. Many people subscribe to publications that they never get around to reading. And thousands of us plan to pay off all our bills, buy a new car and start a charitable foundation as soon as we hit the lottery, but we never buy a lottery ticket. Humorist and curmudgeon, Fran Lebowitz, insists that "I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." It’s true that you are extraordinarily unlikely to win millions of dollars, but you definitely will not win if you don’t buy a ticket. You have to get in the game.

Sometimes, though, our contradictory behavior can get us in trouble. I once had a friend who said she longed to have her own business and frequently asked how she could get started. I gave her books to read, exercises to do and tests to take that would get her started on the road to entrepreneurship. I told her about classes she could take and people to talk to in her field and she never followed up on a single thing. Maybe she just liked to hear herself whine, or maybe she was so paralyzed by fear that she just couldn’t take a step toward her dream. Yet, like the lottery, you can’t possibly win if you don’t join the game.

If you have a dream, think of one baby step you can take TODAY—make a phone call, read an article, check a website. Then do it.